Holding on to hope.
Hopes and dreams
Where there's a will there's a way.
I believe we all need to do a moral inventory and assess our life and ask what it is we wish to do from this day forward. Sometimes it is hard to do this and it can be quite overwhelming if we feel we have no definitive answers. If we take a hard look at our self and dig deep from within and address all our pain and hurt and focus on our spirituality and in finding peace in our life we will find that there is nothing that can hold us back. Our faith and our family will always help us weather the uncertainties and the sadness we all experience in our lives.
We all have our ups and downs in life and we try to maintain a positive outlook throughout so we can live each day and feel blessed for doing so. No one promised that our lives would be perfect but if we strive to do the right things and we dedicate ourselves to our responsibilities and our families we will find some order in our lives that we all need, to go on each day. Our identity is tied in to what we do and the people who are most important to us.
It took me a long time to realize this but I feel that when I think about my life and all the people who I have met I feel I am very lucky. Sure I have had some bumpy rides along the way but I can say from the bottom of my heart that I have been very fortunate having wonderful parents who loved me and taught me about life and family. They gave me the foundation to build upon and they always believed in me which helped me to believe in myself too.
I have been writing for the past two years to chronicle my thoughts, my ideas, my visions, my joys, my worries, my fears, my hopes and my own story to leave for my son. It is my way of expressing myself and leaving something that comes from my heart. It is a glimpse into my soul with words I quietly thought about to emphasize a point or tell a story. The more I write the more I feel alive. Writing gives me a voice and an outlet and it helps me gain perspective and a way to express how I feel and what I need to say. I sometimes wonder if I would still have been drawn to writing if our family was not beset by tragedy. Sometimes in order to get past the pain we experience we have to open up and reveal what it is that affects us so we can start the healing process and move on. By writing I am able to do this and it truly helps me find an inner peace and I feel I am doing something positive.
If you were to ask me what is most important in my life I would speak glowingly of my beautiful wife and our wonderful son. I could not imagine a day without them. Matty gives me the hope and the joy that I have sought and though he has his share of struggles and setbacks we truly believe he will find a way to overcome them and find a way to enjoy the wonders and dreams every child should possess. I know a good part of my writing is focused on Autism and trying to help my son and find answers. If there is one thing a parent wishes for their child it is that they will find happiness in their life. We know that life is sometimes hard and filled with uncertainty and when you have a child who has special needs you are always worried for them and hoping that everything will work out for the best. I need to write about Autism and my son because I love him so much and I wish to help him as best I can. I sometimes feel helpless when I see him struggle and I just don't know who to turn to. I speak to his doctors and I speak to other parents trying to gleam some insight and knowledge that will help me so I can help my son.
I am very affected by the things I read about or see in the news and sometimes I can't help but get caught up in it. The problem is that sometimes I internalize it and feel the pain though I am quite removed from it. Recently I was heartbroken when I learned about the father who died from a fall at the ballpark trying to catch a baseball thrown to him from the outfielder for his 6 year old son. It really made me feel very sad for the father and his son who witnessed the horrible tragedy. I sometimes question God as to why things like this happen. It just does not seem fair and it makes me very upset. I was so affected by this tragedy that I felt compelled to write about it and I pray that the son will hopefully get all the help he will need to deal with such a painful tragedy and his mom will also.
As we go about living our lives and providing for our families we do look beyond ourselves on occasion to others including the rich and famous. We should never feel envious of others as that can be destructive and hurt us. We have to be strong enough in our own mindset to feel comfortable with ourselves and where we are in our life. If we feel we need to get to a better place then we have to find the inner strength and courage to do so. We must realize that only we can change our own destiny but we also must understand that life is so very unpredictable and we must try to always feel good about ourselves and live each day fully because we do not always know what tomorrow holds. We must be hopeful and live out each day with a smile and knowing that we are blessed each day we have together to share with our family and loved ones.
I hold on to hope despite all the craziness in our lives and will always because that is what keeps us going knowing that everything we do is all worth it. We must never give up no matter how hard things get. We have to be strong and positive and a role model to our children. We must also teach them to hold on to hope and to challenge themselves so they can also have a life filled with opportunity and accomplishment. I will try my very best to teach my son to always be hopeful and to always listen, respect and dedicate himself to pursue his dreams and to always believe in himself. I will always remind him of that famous saying, Where there's a will there's always a way."
Edward D. Iannielli III