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How Depression Affects You And Those Around You

Updated on August 1, 2017
cherylone profile image

Depression and I are old friends, affecting me for over thirty years. By writing about it, I hope to help others find answers.

Depression feels like you are no longer in control.
Depression feels like you are no longer in control. | Source

What Causes Depression?

Depression has many causes: genetic, chemical, stress-related, cause-related, chronic pain related, environmental, the list is a lengthy one. However, once someone has depression, no matter the cause, their life changes dramatically as does the lives of those who are close to them. Sadly, over 90% of people who commit suicide were suffering from clinical depression.

Depression, A Poem

Don’t tell me that you understand, when you have never been there.

Don’t tell me that I need to stop, when your soul was never laid bare.

Don’t tell me that you’ve been there and it was easy to climb out.

Until you feel that pain inside that turns you inside out.


Is Depression Easy To Diagnose And Treat?

Depression affects millions of people around the globe most of whom are never diagnosed and/or treated. Others who have been diagnosed don’t always receive the proper or needed treatment. More often than not, people with depression believe that the depression is their fault and they should be able to cure themselves. Or they feel that if the physician gives them medication and it isn’t working for them then the fault is in them, not the medication.

Depression is hard to treat because it has so many causes. And sadly, treatment for depression (like most mental illnesses) is a hit and miss process until the right medication and dosage is found. Sadly, many who are depressed don’t follow up with their physician because they are afraid of being disciplined for not taking their dosages (when they are) instead of receiving understanding that the dose they are taking isn’t working for them.

Do You Think You Might Be Depressed?

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So Many Questions, Do They Mean You Are Depressed?

The basic theme here is: when you are depressed nothing seems to be right. You hurt, are tired, can’t seem to think or speak right, never seem to be up on what others around you are doing or saying, and all you want to do is hide in a corner so no one notices you. You feel that you have hit the bottom of the barrel and someone is below you sawing out the bottom.

The quiz above can give you an idea about depression and you, but it is not 'set in stone' as they say. No one but a professional can diagnose depression. If you need more information about depression, you can go to the National Mental Health website.

You Have The Symptoms, But Are You Really Depressed?

Often, people who are angry or tired are sometimes tricked into thinking they are depressed when the cause can be totally unrelated. For example: someone with anemia (extreme low iron in the blood) may be constantly tired and feel achy when they try to do things. They may not want to join the crowd and they may want to sit or lie down all day. But they are not depressed, they are anemic. Never assume that the symptoms are depression. Go to your doctor and discuss the symptoms you have with him/her.

It is like a germ that lingers and hides until it finds a small hole where it can emerge once more.
It is like a germ that lingers and hides until it finds a small hole where it can emerge once more. | Source

Difficult To Diagnose, Hard To Hide, And Hard To Treat, But Is There Hope?

Yes, but the solution isn’t easy. It takes counseling, medications, training, knowledge of what is causing your depression and help from others. Depression won’t just stop because you are taking medication and seeing a physician. It lingers, like a germ would linger, in the background of your mind and emotions, waiting for the right moment (when you are beginning to feel that you really can climb back up) to pounce once more. It guides your thoughts and your actions. It keeps trying to tell you that you can’t do it. It keeps reminding you of the past. It keeps blocking happy thoughts of the future. It will fight until the very end, and so should you.


Your Family Might Get Angry With You For Your Feelings

When someone is depressed they may cry a lot, leaving family at a loss as to what to do to make it better for them. It is hard to understand the constant complaining of pain, exhaustion and/or feelings of inadequacy. Often close family and friends get tired of the constant ‘down’ of someone who is depressed and say things that hurt even more.

They might say things like:

  • “Snap out of it will ya, we have things to do!”
  • “Not again, why don’t you just go in your room so the rest of us can enjoy the moment!”
  • “I can’t take this anymore. You want to do something bad, then go do it and get it over with, I’m tired of trying to stop you!”

These statements seem right to them because they feel a depressed person just needs that little ‘kick in the emotional behind’ to wake up and begin living again. Sadly, those who don’t receive help will seek other ways to end the horror, pain, and overwhelming sense of inadequacy that plagues them so much. But you know that they are not understanding the deeper causes, so don't let them stop you from seeking help.

You can help....
You can help.... | Source

Depression is not just a moment of anger or frustration, it can be a lifetime of despair.

What Is The Best Way For Family And Friends To Help?

There is no set way, just like there is no set treatment. Mostly a depressed person needs someone they can turn to that will allow them to talk out the issue at hand without condemning them for their thoughts. They will need support, love, kindness, understanding, empathy, and yes a dollop or reality tossed in. But telling them to grow up or get over it will only send the person deeper into their depression because they can’t stop what is happening. They have no control over it. They can’t stop the roller coaster of feelings that can totally overwhelm them.

What should you do if you feel you or someone close to you has depression? First: you are not CRAZY! Second: seek help with your family physician. If they don’t seem to be able to help, then seek help with an agency that specializes in that type of care and treatment. There is help and there is hope for someone who suffers from depression. Never believe that you are a bad person because you are depressed!

© 2012 Cheryl Simonds

I would really love to hear from you

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    • cherylone profile image

      Cheryl Simonds 4 years ago from Connecticut

      ocfireflies, thank you for the vote and compliment. I suffer from depression as well, and sometimes we just need out space. The problem is our family and friends don't really know what to do when they see someone with issues. I'm glad I could help.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 4 years ago from North Carolina

      I am so glad that more people are talking about mental health issues. Thank you for thinking of those who have someone in their lives suffering from depression. My family and friends have learned to do as Diana suggested: being there for me when I need to talk/leaving me alone when I just do not have it in me to be around other people.

      Excellent information. Voted Up.

    • cherylone profile image

      Cheryl Simonds 5 years ago from Connecticut

      @ elle64, I am so sorry. I know what it is like to deal with someone who is depressed and it can be such a rough ride. I like the suggestion that carlabehr gave because there are so many sites out there to help the depressed

      @ carlajbehr, thank you so much for the great advice, not only will it help elle64, but it will also help others who may read the article.

      @ Diana Grant, thank you so much for your great advice as well. Great ideas to help my readers.

      I would also like to add that many places are now creating groups for the depressed that help people understand that they are not alone which is a great help when you are depressed and feeling lost and alone.

    • Diana Grant profile image

      Diana Grant 5 years ago from London

      I find the best thing is just being there for the depressed person - letting them know you will talk if they want to, but leaving them alone if they want to be with their own thoughts. Sometimes just a little shoulder rub or neck rub makes them feel a bit better.

    • carlajbehr profile image

      Carla J Behr 5 years ago from NW PA

      Google help for family of depressed person - there has been a lot more awareness when it comes to depression being a family issue. For instance, there are support groups out there for men who have wives that are suffering post partum depression. Check out some of the mental health orgs. Sometimes there are even online boards where you can garner support. Best wishes to you - I know this is a difficult situation.

    • elle64 profile image

      elle64 5 years ago from Scandinavia

      My husband suffers from depression, and it affect the family som much. Everyone is thinking of him, but what about me and the girls.