ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How I Beat My Gambling Addiction

Updated on December 13, 2018
ViieraMonica profile image

My name is Monica and I graduated from CSULB in 2013 in political science. I write about social issues primarily in the Latino community.

How it Started- A Gamble Within a Gamble

When I was 23, I decided to enter a relationship with an "ex-drug addict". There was the first gamble right there. His artistic abilities and our connection made me fall in love and I wasn't even thinking about the possibility of him relapsing. All I knew, within a very short amount of time, was that we were meant to be together. Hey, we've all been young and dumb and in love and made mistakes. But at the time, I was set on being true to my heart.

Like most substance abusers, my love at the time did end up relapsing rather quickly. I was unprepared as I had never lived with anyone that had a substance abuse problem and became quite stressed. The intense fighting about him lying about his drug use is what I believe ultimately led me to miscarry our child that I was carrying.

As I mentioned, the relationship itself was a gamble in itself, as I simply followed my impulses, moved in with someone I knew a little longer than a month, and then let myself get pregnant. I guess I thought the intense connection and the love we shared would be worth all the chaos of me relocating from LA to Seattle, but I was wrong.

After the miscarriage, the two of us were in pain and needed to cope. The night I was discharged from the hospital from losing my child, my ex suggested we go to a local casino instead of just staying home and feeling worse about ourselves. I felt so numb that I agreed that yes, I didn't want to go back to our gothic-decorated home with its fake cadavers and other d├ęcor that would just remind me of death. So I went with him to the closest casino.


Self-Numbing and the Addiction to Total Immersion

The first night we spent at the casino was a relief because the sounds of the slot machines were so loud that I couldn't even think and the lights were so stimulating that I was forced to be present instead of ruminating about death. My ex and I stayed at the casino until five in the morning, and I despite being there for eight hours, I won like a hundred bucks. But it still felt better than being in our empty home, facing reality.

Pain has a way of bringing people closer, for better or for worse. So I stayed with my ex even though he was still dealing with his substance abuse problem because I loved him and he was almost...almost the father of my child.

The thing was, his first drug of choice was meth. I hated how dangerous it was for him to smoke it and begged him to get help. But he was not ready to lose his addictive mentality just yet, so I bartered with him. With gambling being his second favorite addiction, I told him that I would stay with him if he quit meth and we just went gambling together instead. At this point, I was just clinging on by a thread to him, myself, and reality, still not having really coped with the loss of a child.

So this is how my ex and I lost thousands and thousands of dollars, lost our big screen TV, our couch, our bed, and eventually our apartment. Sure, we were losing, but we had become so addicted to numbing ourselves and getting lost in this florescent church that it didn't really matter. At least at first.

The Break-Up

After 6 months of spending almost every night at the casino, I found myself in a strained, sexless relationship. It's unfortunate that when two people are addicted to something, they tend to not break out of the addiction at the exact same time.

In our case, it was me who decided to stop gambling first. There was one day when we didn't have enough money to do our laundry and found myself handwashing our clothes in a bathroom sink with dish soap, I looked at my tired self in the mirror and decided enough was enough.Of course it was terribly tempting to stay and keep gambling as I desperately hoped that all our losses would still lead to "the big win", but I became tired of starving and worrying about groceries. I needed to leave Seattle, even though their was still some love there, to save myself. We were too close from being homeless and the decreasing quality of our relationship just wasn't worth the gamble anymore.

The Unconventional Way I Healed Myself

So I split from my ex and moved back from Seattle to Los Angeles. Just like I had gone "all in" in my relationship with him, it was devastating going "all out". I fell into a six month depression which kept me in bed either on my back, ruminating and crying, or on my stomach, trying to journal my way out of the pain.

I attempted to attend a Gambler's Anonymous group in Glendale, but it wasn't really effective for me. The guy that wanted to sponsor me was a 65 year old man who wore a T-shirt that said "I Blame My Father for Everything".

Unimpressed, I knew I needed to take matters into my own hands. Upon doing some serious reflecting and making insights as it came to my own emotional landscape, I decided that the best way to stay away from gambling was to channel that "game-playing" addiction I had to more harmless habits. So I begin to play ping pong, billiards, and darts every day at the local bar.

Unlike gambling, these games were free, and it allowed me to rebuild my confidence as I made several friends just enjoying these bar games. So that's ultimately how I got over gambling. I channeled that game-playing, adrenaline- soaked tendency of mine into something less destructive. And I read the book below to help rebuild my finances.

The Best Book to Rebuild Your Life After a Gambling Addiction

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)