- Women's Health
How I Found Out I was Pregnant
Hello all you Mamas’ out there, do you remember that moment….that moment when you learned you were going to be a mother for the very first time? Did you laugh, cry, jump for joy, scream, did you do cartwheels in the living room? I remember mine like it was yesterday, and I wanted to share it with you because it didn’t quite go the way I had expected it.
December 16th, 2011, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, I was in utter shock. Hmm….lets go back just a little further, I think I should explain a couple things first.
It was the night before and my husband and I were sitting in bed and I was trying to strategize a way through the whole ‘baby’ conversation again, only this time with the hopes of winning. My husband was tired from a day at work and we were trying not to speak too loud. You see, we were house sitting for my grandparents while they had vacationed through the winter. But when they came back we hadn’t saved much money and so they simply allowed us to stay, and being low on other choices we accepted. He particularly hated this conversation, and I always ended up feeling personally offended even when there was no cause to feel this way. “We can’t have a baby right now,” he told me as he rubbed his sore neck.
I crossed my arms stubbornly, a flaw he and I both possess which makes arguments extremely complicated, “It’s not like you snap your fingers and a baby appears, we would have 9 months to prepare.” I was still in touch with roughly twelve girls I went to high school with and 8 of them had gotten pregnant within 1-3 months of one another and none of them were married like I was. I didn’t see how we could be in a worse boat than them.
He sighed, the usual indicator of his annoyance for whatever we were arguing about, “It’s just not a good time right now. We don’t have the money.” I had become sensitive every time the topic of money had come up. I had been struggling to even get a response from employers for 6 months and he was the only one with an income. So my grandparents offered to help us out more with anything we needed as long as I’d help out around the house. So I did, I took care of some cooking and all of the cleaning, some lawn care and pretty much anything that they needed. Because of that, we didn’t have to pay rent but…I wasn’t brining in anything and I had been feeling guilty.
“Fine,” I finally said, it was my argument ender. I knew that he was right and I couldn’t win right now but it didn’t stop me from feeling like I needed to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I wanted a baby so badly, and I had been wanting one before my friends had all gotten pregnant at once…that just made it all the harder to accept.
He tried moved over to me and wrapped me up in his arms, I was pouting and tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let me. Instead he kissed my cheek, “We can try in three years, alright? Will you wait just that long for me?”
“But I’ll be 24 in three years,” I complained, “I don’t want to wait until I am all old to start a family with you.” Before you ladies start getting judgmental on me, know that now currently at 24 I know that I was WAY off about a lot of things. I’ll also admit that my husband spoils me, he doesn’t often tell me no so it is hard adjusting when he finally does. To me, at that moment, 3 years felt like a whole lifetime away. He laughed in my ear and then began tickle torturing me, his tactic to keep me from ever being unhappy about well…anything. “Fine, fine,” I snorted, “I promise, I won’t bug you about having a baby for three more years.” It was settled, he had won and his prize was that I wouldn’t hassle him about children for three long years.
150 tips and trick? This book would have been super handy when I had first had my son. It might be worth a look see for some of those 1st time mommies
The next morning, my husband took off to work and I had just had my morning bathroom visit and was back in the room to get set for the day. My second cousin and my older sister had had babies the previous month and they were coming over to my grandparent’s house to do a meet and greet for the whole family to see both of the newborn girls. I had to pick up some stuff from the store to make brownies and also my younger brother’s girlfriend and her friend who were supposed to help me get everything ready to the party. I was in the middle of putting my pants on when my grandma walked into the room.
“I’ve noticed you’ve not started your period yet,” she says to me with a stern expression.
Oh good, we are going to start this day completely on the odd foot, “Good morning to you too,” I said to her, trying to sound teasing.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, “I have been marking your cycle and you haven’t had your period yet this month.” If it sounds a little odd that my grandmother was marking my cycle, that is because it is.
Well she certainly had my attention, “Ok? You’re not wrong, but in case you have forgotten…I am never regular. I once went 4 months once, remember?” Which was true, I’ve never had anything ‘regular’ about my cycle occurred even once. It sort of shows up whenever it wants to and occasionally doesn’t show up for work at all; I never minded.
“I just pray that you’re not pregnant,” She said, I looked at her with my shocked expression, ummm….ouch. “That’s the last thing that you two need.” I was getting annoyed, I didn’t even know where this was coming from other than some fear she had because my body was weird. “I am not even convinced you two should ever procreate.” That was the zinger that set the rest of my day in motion.
“Gee thanks Grammy,” I said as I grabbed my bag and tried to get past her.
She threw her arms up, “I am just being honest.”
Hmm, somehow that doesn’t quite make it better, “I have to get going.” With that I headed out the door. I got into my car and called my mother, ranting to her about the utter rudeness of my grandmother and trying to figure out what had her craw all in a pinch. My mother had really no opinion on the matter other than the fact that she did want me to be pregnant but as far as she had known, my grandmother had been in a great mood that morning. Which meant it wasn’t a general mood problem but a very specific one.
I hung up with my mom and called my little brother’s girlfriend to let her know that I was on my way to get her. “I have to stop at the dollar store,” I told her. I had concocted a plan and I was feeling devilishly good about it.
“Ok, how come?” She had assumed that I’d do all my running around before I got her. But I hate to shop alone so I was going to get her first.
I told her about that morning and everything my grandmother had said to me and how angry it had made me feel the more and more than I thought about it. “So I am going to pick up a pregnancy test from the dollar store and get a frame too and when it comes up negative, I’ll frame it for her. Just a reminder of who knows my body better, her or me.” I was feeling pretty confident about my empty oven, I was certain that if there was a bun in there I’d be the first to know.
I picked her and her friend up and we ran around getting everything that we needed. My brother in law called and asked that we swing by, his wife was 3 months pregnant with her fourth child and really wanted to see me. I agreed to come and see her but we couldn’t stay long. She told me that I might as well take the pregnancy test there at her house and she’d help me to get it in the frame.
I agreed and before I knew it I was peeing on a dollar store brand pregnancy test in their half bathroom. Their ferrets’ were running in and out under the door and then around my feet as I was trying to concentrate on not peeing on my hand. Once I finished, I washed my hands and headed back out to the living room to join the rest of them. It said that the test had to sit for 5 minutes and I already knew what it was going to say anyway.
I sat down to eat my breaded shrimp from Panda Express. My sister in law joked about how funny it would be if I really did turn out to be pregnant and how we could be pregnant together. I laughed along with her, and told her I’d just made a promise to my husband. No children for 3 whole years, yikes. My brother in law suddenly appeared and had the goofiest grin on his face, “Ky, you’re pregnant,” he said holding the pregnancy test up. “In fact you are so pregnant that it didn’t even need the whole 5 minutes to know.”
“Oh shut up,” I blew it off. My brother in law, the king of pranks and here he was obviously pranking me. I turned back to my food and stuffed more in my face, kind of a mean prank but he didn’t know how I felt about the whole baby thing.
He came closer, “Look for yourself, I am not kidding. You really are pregnant.” He handed it to me and I can’t tell you exactly how long I stared at that little piece of plastic with the two lines.
All I could think about was how I sure as hell couldn’t frame this and give it to my grandma now, physical proof that she was right? No way, she’d never let me live it down. She’d have all the proof she’d need soon enough. My husband, Oh man I promised him I’d wait 3 more years. I’d never broken a promise to him ever. I knew he wouldn’t be mad but I didn’t know if he was going to be happy.
I completely lost it. My eyes ran like open damns and my face became a smeared canvas of makeup and tears as I tried to get a handle on my emotions. I had watched so many times in that year, commercials’ of couples where the woman told the man in some cute way that she was pregnant. You’d see his face light up with indescribable joy. I’d tell my husband every time I saw one, “That’s the kind of reaction I want to get when I tell you one day.”
“It will be even better,” He had told me, “Because when you do it, it will be for real.”
My brother in law pulled out the carton of ice cream with large chunks of frozen cake inside, it was barely opened when he set it down in front of me. I ate it all. In twenty minutes I ate it all, and by the time I was finished with it I almost felt drunk.
The hours were quickly ticking up to noon and I still had to make the brownies. I was pregnant. I was pregnant, I was freaking Pregnant! I made everyone swear to secrecy until I was ready, it wouldn’t be the same day that my sister and cousin were introducing their new born girls…it was their day. I had down right made up my mind to never tell my grandparents. Of course it would be hard to hide it with the whole living arrangement and all.
The party moved along wonderfully and my little brother’s girlfriend ate half the brownie batter because the reaction she got out of her friend made me laugh so hard I could have wet myself. Fortunately we still ended up with more than enough brownies to make everyone happy. My grandpa sat down across from me as I ate a brownie and pretended to be totally unhindered by huge news, he reached out and poked me in the tummy, “It will be your turn next, don’t you think?” He smiled at me and I looked up out of panic at first but the girls shook their heads, they didn’t tell him and my brother in law wouldn’t have told my grandfather before his brother.
I laughed it off, “ahh Poppy, I promised the old ball and chain that we’d wait 3 more years.”
My grandpa shrugged, “Promise all you want, these things happen.” Then he got up and rejoined the others to ogle over his brand new great granddaughters.
The time finally came and I had to take the girls back to their houses, making them swear not to tell my brother or another living soul until I had told my husband. This many people already knowing was bad enough. I was a ball of nerves, I didn’t want to see the same weary expression he had worn the night before. I didn’t want him to look at this whole thing as something bad or burden like. He was still at work and it took everything I had not to drive over to his job and tell him in person there. I sent him a text to find out when he’d get off and learned that he was going to be getting off work in 5 minutes.
I called my mom, she’d be at home by then and it would be safe to talk to her while I drove home. My mother was ecstatic to say the least. All I could do was cry, “Hunny, why are you crying so hard. Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Everyone is going to be mad at me,” I blubbered through the phone.
“Who is everyone?” My mom asked, “Your husband?”
“No,” I snorted as I tried to stop the flow of liquids running down my face, “Grammy.”
My mom was quiet for a moment, and pulled down a connecting road to the one before our house and had to pull over. My face was slick with tears and my eyes were watering up faster than I could wipe away tears. My mom finally spoke, “Aren’t you 21?” I uhuhed and she continued, “And you’re married right?” I answered her in the same fashion. “Who gives a damn what anyone thinks, at least you got those two done in order.” She laughed and I laughed though mine sounded more like choking.
All of a sudden police lights flashed behind me and an officer got out, ‘why am I being pulled over?’ I thought to myself, ‘I am already pulled over.’ He came to the door and I set my soaking phone down and put it on speaker. “Are you alright Miss?” he asked, the man had driven past me and could apparently see well enough in the dark to tell that I was in tears. I choked out through sobs my reassurance that I was perfectly fine, just had learned I was pregnant. The man gave me a sort of knowing smile and then wished me well before he went on his way. As the officer pulled back onto the road my husband texted me to ask where I was, he was home. I hung up the phone with my mom and did my very best to try to salvage what was left of the mess I called a face.
Somehow, I made it past my grandparents without detection and went to our room. He was sitting there looking as tired and worn out as he usually did. “Hello my love,” I said trying to stay as casual as I could, while at the same time hoping he didn’t see the streak marks on my face. “I got something for you while I was out and about today.” I pulled from my pocket a small package. My brother in law had put the pregnancy test into a small zip lock bag and then wrapped it like a Christmas gift and taped a bow on top.
“What’s this?” he asked as he took it and started to unwrap it slowly, painfully slowly for me.
“You’ll see soon enough.” I told him and bounced my foot up and down on the floor nervously.
He pulled away the paper and stared at the pregnancy test in the bag, “What’s this?” he asked me. No doubt he was in as much shock as I was in when I first saw it.
“We’re pregnant.” I told him. I watched as the worn and weary face and posture were transformed into something bright and beautiful. He didn’t say a word at first, just grabbed me by the face and kissed me more deeply than he had in days, when we finally parted he looked at me with nothing but smiles and said, “I love you so much.”
Looking at him, I felt my every fear evaporate. He was happy and he loved me, everything I had worried about all day began to look more and more ridiculous. He pulled me into bed with him and we laid there and talked until we fell asleep about new plans we were to make that now included our future baby.
People forget that pregnancy is about the daddies too. Having a brand new baby can be rough but its even harder without a few tricks of the trade, so to speak.