How I Killed Anxiety
This could be a very sensitive topic, but I can for sure say that not everyone can talk about it unless if that person went through it.
What I want to say before starting this article is that I am not a doctor and I do not own any degree based on the psychological issue.
I remember last summer and the summer before that, I was totally excluded out of the world. I wasn’t able to think properly, and I was not finding fun in anything. I slowly started to wither and no one around me came to notice it. I shut myself and started creating a new dimension in my head. This made me think that I was not being able to return any more. Many black thoughts started piling up. It was like bad things were starting to come one after another, and I just couldn’t help and escape them. What I am about to tell in this article is for you out there who didn’t go well up in school, whose parents didn’t care about you but only about things that you would do and how you would do them, about being not good enough, about being put down every time when trying to do something for yourself, for our ex’s who broke us and for hard life in general.
It really hurts to be persuaded that you are some sort of a fool and a stupid person who does not know how to do anything but to ruin things. Right? How many times we were called stupid because we couldn’t close the door properly, or because we didn’t spice up a salad good enough? Seems funny when you write it, but in reality, it hurts to be called out STUPID for doing something so simple, so insignificant in front of everyone. I came to the conclusion that not that we are ruining ourselves its dear people to us who are doing it. They are burning us with their words, hurting us on the easiest way possible. Those simple words for them, for us are words that are creating wounds in our hearts and entire body.
Next thing that comes is anger that we are casting down, and rejecting to show the same. We are keeping it for ourselves and that is where we again hurt our pride and soul that is in most cases pure and innocent. The worst thing that can happen, is that we do not have anyone to talk to. We think people are the key to our healing but that’s where we are wrong. Because the time we are having attacks no one is around us, it is a time we are fighting by ourselves with ourselves. That is our war, and because it is ours, we have to think that the only way out is YOU. This may sound foolish but to be born again you have to die. So when the attack occurs you need to let it consume you. Just go with the flow. Feel the pressure and what the attack does to you. How it goes through your veins, through your carotids through your heart, how it pumps up every time you breathe. You need to say: Kill me once and for all.!
You see this is how I saved myself. I let myself die so I could be born again… I let go of every help I was offered. I was sick of psychologist telling me to imagine things such as unreal drawer and to put all my problems there. After all, that is where the problem lays. They are teaching us to lock our problems instead of solving them, but what we really want to do is to delete them, to let them kill us, so we can get reborn again with our new selves.
Dear readers, I was really thinking about how to approach you with this topic, as sensitive as it is I hope I will get to help you just as little as a bit of rice. I know it is hard, but what makes this journey interesting is that it has a way out, and what seems impossible it is hundred percent possible. There are a lot of shiny days waiting out for you, thousands of flowers waiting for you to water them.
The cure is in you! Don’t forget that!
© 2019 Merisa Korac