ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Importance of Properly Wiping Your Bung

Updated on June 10, 2014

Do Not Neglect the Bung

As a child, I was the unfortunate victim of inattentive parents. In other words, while we may have discussed the birds and the bees, we did not discuss the cockroaches. I'm ashamed to admit, I did not realize how to properly clean my bung until I was well into my teenage years.

Effects of Ignoring the Bung

Folks with dirty bungs tend to fidget a lot. I recall as a child that I always felt mildly uncomfortable, kind of like somebody had put a dollop of peanut butter between my butt cheeks. When I walked, I was that guy who was always reaching around to pull his underwear out of the crack between his cheeks. Have you ever seen a dog drag its rear end across the grass? I was the human version of that dog.

Should You Wipe Foward or Backward?

Although there is an ongoing debate about proper bung-wiping, it actually doesn't matter that much how you wipe your bung when it comes to proper bung maintenance.

Some people, after they're finished going #2, wipe from bung to genitals while remaining seated while others stand and wipe from bung up their crack toward their back (but not out of the crack). These are two distinctly different types of people. While no extensive studies have been done on which method is better, overall bung maintenance really depends on the extent of the wiping.

How Much Should You Wipe?

The chart below shows the relationship between wiping one's bung and disease.

The reader will notice that the rate of disease declines once 2+ wipes are applied and declines through 6 wipes, at which point the chart would indicate that the bung is its most clean. However, after 7 wipes, the disease rate goes back up. This is because wiping the bung too much can cause irritation which can lead to sores and rashes and other types of reported discomforts.

How many wipes does it take you generally?

See results

History of Bung Cleaning

Cleaning the bung has been a source of frustration since the days of the cavemen. Due to the amount of body hair found on many cavemen, bung cleaning was particularly difficult. Generally, cavemen did little in the way of cleaning, a conclusion that is supported by the fossil record as many bones of early Neanderthals have been discovered with petrified fecal matter present in the bung region. This likely contributed to a short life span.

As human beings became more civilized, bung cleaning became more sophisticated. However, what we know as modern toilet paper wasn't invented until 600 AD in China. Even then, it was a substance used by richer people. In fact, the detail of bung cleaning is often a distinguishing characteristic between rich and poor. While the poor would use their hand along with water (and this is still done in parts of the world to this day), the rich would wipe themselves with a wide variety of substances including cloth, silk, leaves, and various other substances, including the hands and heads of poor people themselves. Poor people were often employed to wipe the bungs of the rich and those with particularly smooth and absorbent hair were in high demand.


Those like myself who have been the unfortunate victims of bung cleaning neglect due to ineffective parenting and education have taken it upon themselves to educate others who might be wondering about such things.

As you can see from the above article, bung cleaning is a vital and important part of human cleanliness and proper cleaning of the bung can lead to much happiness and life satisfaction. Those with dirty bungs are usually unhappy due to itching and other bung-related maladies.

A clean bung is a happy bung.


Submit a Comment

  • DDE profile image

    Devika Primić 

    5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

    An interesting topic I found it to be useful Hub


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)