How To Fix A Marriage Partially Broken From the Holidays. Relationships welcome, same sex welcome.
Looking back helps us see the mess we made.
Happy Happy Holidays!
Oh let us assume that we all had wonderful holidays. And we must hold that wonderment close and file it in our memory folder for easy access later. The happiness was not false and must be treasured. But!
We need to delete the bad stuff from that happy folder and store it only with the happies. So how do you go about redacting the negative from that awesome positive? We examine it staying in tough with our feelings and cutting and pasting and putting on a clipboard the bad stuff.
I hope you are now sitting there in denial that there was anything bad. If so this article is for you and more importantly for your loved ones.
Let us look for those hidden or obvious resentments.
Assume here that if we just see them and recognize them it is half the battle.
This list is to be expansive in your mind. Take it and find something similar for you do not take it as a check list that you pass if you do not have one exactly. On the other hand check off the ones that you do not have and take a moment and think of others' that do and give some reflections of thanks.
Not enough money for gifts
Spent too much on gifts
Spouse drank to much and it is worrisome
You were forgotten by someone
Feet guilty over the 5 lbs you gained
Someone went somewhere else rather than be with you
Secularists made mockery of the special day
Christians pushed their faith on you
At the party your partner ignored you
Spent too much money on in-laws
Spent too much time with in-laws
So sad it might be Mom's last Christmas
Children were disappointed with their gifts
All the neighbors had better decorations
No one appreciated how far you had to travel
He knew what I wanted and did not get it for me
If he would have helped more the meal would have been better
Why is uncle Joe such a jerk
Everyone just fawned over ---- and ignored me
And the list goes on and on and on.
Do not forget to put yourself in their shoes first
I hope you did two things there on the list.
I hope you checked some stuff off and said, "yea I thought that for a second, how silly of me" and "dang that really does bother me". And of course I hope you checked a bunch off and realized that maybe in years passed you let that stuff bother you but now you are cool with it because you can see it and deal with it.
But let us deal with the ones you looked at and said "you know that does really bother me". Right there and right now you have taken half the resentment out of it. Now get a piece of paper and write it down to yourself. Now write down under it. "I love me and I love -----". Now take that paper and utterly destroy it.
Take some time to give it some thought and then grab your friend that you like to talk to and tell them about it. Do not worry the right words will come because you have already taken the anger out and shined some light on it and now by sharing it with another you are mastering it.
The clouds are not in the sky, the clouds are inside of us. But just like the clouds in the sky, the bright light and warmth of the sun dissipates them.
Can you get over it.
Are you willing to drop the resentments?
The big confrontation!
Oh boy now you can get all fired up and confront those who slighted you! No No No and NOt!
What possible help could that be? However with that said. You have the right to express your feelings and to do something to prevent the same old habits coming up next year. Mostly that would be you and your self altering your plans for next year and now is a good time to think of that. Do not think about avoiding or correcting. Think more about doing something extra special fun instead. And think about doing something that your closest family would really like. Now is the time to think about the "spirit of Christmas".
A trip to Asia next Christmas?
Just try to remember that truly love conquers all
That resentment inside of you is a nasty nasty little creature. Feed it and it grows. Hug your partner. Tell your partner about that demon inside of you and invite that partner to help slay that dragon. And ask your partner to let you help them slay theirs'. That is how you heal and repair the breaks.
Remember this: Fixing something that is broke is not about going to war with what broke it. It is about paying full attention to the break and figuring the best way to fix it. And generally getting help with the repair job builds new bridges and lines of communication and will make the break stronger than before.