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How To Fix A Marriage Partially Broken From the Holidays. Relationships welcome, same sex welcome.

Updated on January 7, 2014

Looking back helps us see the mess we made.

Sometimes just the ending of the festivities can put us in the dull-drums.
Sometimes just the ending of the festivities can put us in the dull-drums. | Source

Happy Happy Holidays!

Oh let us assume that we all had wonderful holidays. And we must hold that wonderment close and file it in our memory folder for easy access later. The happiness was not false and must be treasured. But!

We need to delete the bad stuff from that happy folder and store it only with the happies. So how do you go about redacting the negative from that awesome positive? We examine it staying in tough with our feelings and cutting and pasting and putting on a clipboard the bad stuff.

I hope you are now sitting there in denial that there was anything bad. If so this article is for you and more importantly for your loved ones.

Let us look for those hidden or obvious resentments.

Assume here that if we just see them and recognize them it is half the battle.

This list is to be expansive in your mind. Take it and find something similar for you do not take it as a check list that you pass if you do not have one exactly. On the other hand check off the ones that you do not have and take a moment and think of others' that do and give some reflections of thanks.

Not enough money for gifts

Spent too much on gifts

Spouse drank to much and it is worrisome

You were forgotten by someone

Feet guilty over the 5 lbs you gained

Someone went somewhere else rather than be with you

Secularists made mockery of the special day

Christians pushed their faith on you

At the party your partner ignored you

Spent too much money on in-laws

Spent too much time with in-laws

So sad it might be Mom's last Christmas

Children were disappointed with their gifts

All the neighbors had better decorations

No one appreciated how far you had to travel

He knew what I wanted and did not get it for me

If he would have helped more the meal would have been better

Why is uncle Joe such a jerk

Everyone just fawned over ---- and ignored me

And the list goes on and on and on.

Do not forget to put yourself in their shoes first

Compassion is needed for proper reflection
Compassion is needed for proper reflection | Source

I hope you did two things there on the list.

I hope you checked some stuff off and said, "yea I thought that for a second, how silly of me" and "dang that really does bother me". And of course I hope you checked a bunch off and realized that maybe in years passed you let that stuff bother you but now you are cool with it because you can see it and deal with it.

But let us deal with the ones you looked at and said "you know that does really bother me". Right there and right now you have taken half the resentment out of it. Now get a piece of paper and write it down to yourself. Now write down under it. "I love me and I love -----". Now take that paper and utterly destroy it.

Take some time to give it some thought and then grab your friend that you like to talk to and tell them about it. Do not worry the right words will come because you have already taken the anger out and shined some light on it and now by sharing it with another you are mastering it.

The clouds are not in the sky, the clouds are inside of us. But just like the clouds in the sky, the bright light and warmth of the sun dissipates them.

Can you get over it.

Are you willing to drop the resentments?

See results

The big confrontation!

Oh boy now you can get all fired up and confront those who slighted you! No No No and NOt!

What possible help could that be? However with that said. You have the right to express your feelings and to do something to prevent the same old habits coming up next year. Mostly that would be you and your self altering your plans for next year and now is a good time to think of that. Do not think about avoiding or correcting. Think more about doing something extra special fun instead. And think about doing something that your closest family would really like. Now is the time to think about the "spirit of Christmas".

A trip to Asia next Christmas?

There are alternatives
There are alternatives | Source

Just try to remember that truly love conquers all

That resentment inside of you is a nasty nasty little creature. Feed it and it grows. Hug your partner. Tell your partner about that demon inside of you and invite that partner to help slay that dragon. And ask your partner to let you help them slay theirs'. That is how you heal and repair the breaks.

Remember this: Fixing something that is broke is not about going to war with what broke it. It is about paying full attention to the break and figuring the best way to fix it. And generally getting help with the repair job builds new bridges and lines of communication and will make the break stronger than before.


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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      It is fun to take the little stuff that irritates us and shine light on it -- it takes away the power of the negative. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      4 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Nice hub and a relevant one! I think many would relate to it. Your resentments list is quite real. Life moves on------

      Enjoyable read, thanks for sharing!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Denise, I gained that much just by thinking about the food. But we will now have motivation to get outside and see our world on a walk a day.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Ok, it is nice to know that I'm not the only one who gained five pounds! I have a plan to get rid of it, though, and I'm on a roll! It is nice to know that is just a drop in the bucket to what some people deal with at the holidays. Thanks for the eye opener!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Caring is all I got Eddy.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      4 years ago from Wales

      A wonderful hub and thank you for sharing Eric.

      Voted up.


    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hi Electro, I must admit I cheat during the holidays and spend all my time and effort on relationships rather than the stuff. This year left me with healed wounds and no new ones.

    • Electro-Denizen profile image


      4 years ago from Wales, UK

      That festive time of joy is also the most stressful time of the year... i like this hub, puts things in perspective... marriage partially broken by the holidays... this is funny but so true for soo many people... let's face the reality :-)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Being of sound mind and body I hereby bequeath myself to my wife.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill, the best day of my life was when they took away my director chair, pulled me from that cast, got another producer and handed me a broom. After a bit I got good with that broom. Have a great day.

    • David Carl profile image

      David Carl 

      4 years ago from New York

      What vows were said on your wedding day?

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Resentments can kill for sure. Acceptance is the key. God did not make me the director of this play called life....and for a good reason. :) It takes my full-time attention to live my own life properly.


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