- Mental Health
How To Get What You Want
So many times I have heard friends, relatives, coworkers, and fellow students in my classrooms, say they would like to do this or have that, but they do not know how to get what it is they want. Often they lament that they will probably never get whatever it is they want, or never get to do whatever it is they want to do.
Hard work and diligence will sometimes accomplish one’s purpose, but more often than one might think, simply asking the right person in the right way will move things along more quickly, in the direction you want to go.
Think about what you want. What is the worst thing that will happen if you ask someone for help or advice and he or she refuses? Will that person point at you and laugh because you dared to ask? Probably not. Will they give you a cream pie in the face? Most likely not. Will they clear their desk off (if they’re sitting at one) with one swoop of their arm, angry that you are daring to waste their time? Not likely.
Might they say no to your request? That could happen. Can you handle that if they say no? Or will you go home and cry yourself to sleep? Will you eat 3 gallons of ice cream and gain 5 pounds if they say no? Will you step in front of a truck and end it all if they say no? Hopefully you will be adult about it and think of someone else you can ask for help or advice if they say no.
Remember, they might say yes! You might be surprised at how often that happens when people are asked in a serious, respectful way, for their reasonable help.
Often All You Have to Do Is Ask
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Your Thoughts and Attitude Influence the Outcome, So THINK POSITIVE!
Start off by not assuming you already know what the outcome of your plight and/or request will be -- especially if you are convinced your request will be turned down.
If you have already made up your mind that you will be denied whatever you are asking for, you will emit negative energy. That negative energy will affect the outcome of your request. It will be communicated in a million different ways through your attitude and body language without your even realizing it.
Just as you are what you eat, it is even truer that you are what you think. Thoughts are very powerful, so for best results, make your thoughts positive and optimistic even when everything seems to be against you. Yes, not so easy. Been there, done that, so I know just how difficult that can be, but for best results, you must control your outlook.
Perseverance Can Make The Difference
The Squeaky wheel gets the grease. Have you ever heard that idiom? It isn’t 100% true, but perhaps only 96% or so true. Good enough. There may be many different people who can help you obtain what you want, so don’t stop squeaking because the first person, or even the second or third persons you asked, turned you down.
Many of the people we consider successful today got where they are because they did not give up. Not because they are the most talented. Not because they are the most skilled. Not because they are the most intelligent. All of these attributes are good to have and will hopefully make your goal easier to achieve, but by themselves they are unlikely to get you what you want.
Most people who are successful today are in that position because they did not give up. They did not let the word no discourage them, or cause them to stop trying -- at least not indefinitely. They did not give up no matter how tough the going got.
Everyone gets discouraged sometimes, but the trick is not to dwell on that discouragement to the point where you cannot function or move forward. Get that gallon of your favorite ice cream, wallow in your self pity for a couple of hours, enjoy the ice cream, get a good night’s sleep, and then get up and start again. Be determined and relentless in your pursuit.
Do you know how many times Stephen King submitted his first manuscript (Carrie) to publishers and received rejections in return? So many that he simply says it was dozens of times. Dozens! It took several years for him to get published, but look where he is today. He is not alone. Lots of people, not only writers, but people in all different fields, have had to keep trying for long periods of time, receiving rejection after rejection, before they finally received a yes.
It used to be that a sales person had to knock on an average of 20 doors before s/he would make a sale. There was no guarantee that sale would be behind the 20th door. It could happen that 5 sales would be made on the 96th through the 100th doors, but only if the sales person did not give up before getting to those doors. That is what the law of averages means. On average, 5% (5 out of 100 or 1 in 20, etc.) of people asked will respond positively -- or maybe 20% (20 out of 100). Whatever the percentage, you may have to knock on a lot of doors before you get to the one that will say yes. Can you handle all that rejection if it comes to that, and keep going?
Simple Requests Are More Often Granted
Most people want simple things. Would you be able to babysit for me on Christmas Day? Can I park my car in your driveway instead of in the street while I’m away on vacation? Would it be OK if I brought my child with me because I haven’t been able to get a babysitter? Could you lower the price on this item since one of the seams has come apart and needs repair? Would you take a dollar for this item instead of 2 (yard sale)? My car is getting repaired, could you please give me a ride to work tomorrow? Would it be OK if I traded shifts with a coworker because this schedule is inconvenient for me?
It is usually easier to get a yes from people for simple favors than for major requests like a job, or a contribution to a charity, etc. So if your request is for something more than a simple favor, be prepared to work harder to accomplish your goal.
If You Do Not Ask You Fail Even Before You Try
While you may receive a “no” sometimes when you ask for things, you will definitely not get a yes if you do not ask in the first place. If you can handle the word no without a great deal of drama, or trauma, go for it. Whatever it is, ask for it. Keep asking until you find someone who will say yes. It could be that you will get a yes from the very first person you ask. It could happen – but only if you ask in the first place.
Or maybe you need that yes from a particular person. Do not assume you know any person so well that you know in advance what they are going to say, or be willing to do for you. As previously stated, if you do not ask, you are saying no to yourself without even attempting a yes from the person in question. If you can take no for an answer from that particular person without seriously contemplating suicide, then you have nothing to lose by asking -- and the possibility of a yes to gain.
© 2011 C E Clark