ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How do I know if I'm an alcoholic?

Updated on June 4, 2016

The quick answer is 'I didn't until I was taught to open my eyes and my mind to the insanity of the world I created around me'.

Some ask because they have a general interest, others because they ae questioning their own drinking habits and subsequent behaviours/ consequences.

The full answer is far too in depth and involved to answer in one article. I would need novel after novel to answer it fully and even then I probably wouldn't finish. So I will keep it simple.

I have a physcial, mental and spiritual allergy to alcohol. When it enters my system it has a very different effect to that of so-called 'normal' drinkers, whether they be light, moderate or heavy. It's a tough one to diagnose in yourself because unlike other allergy's, when I drink I don't come out in a rash, my throat doesn't swell up, and an anaphylatic shot won't reduce the symptoms. In fact, the effect of supping a drink on me made me feel like a million dollars!

'Normal' drinkers can have a few, relaxing drinks and know that the state of sedation has been reached, stop and go to bed. I would have a few drinks, feel buzzy and fearless, and want to go out on the town, and invariably the tiles. The first one hooks me and the next few start to free from my worries, anxiety, and responsibility and in their my confidence, bravado and ego would make an appearance. I would want more and more, becuase all of a sudden, this state of mind is where I needed to be. And the only way to reach and increase this 'Super' me was by drinking another, and then another, and then...well you get the idea.

With every drink my care of myself and of others would dissapate. Work the next day didn't matter because that was the next day and in a drunken state I would be able to tackle that head on when it arrived. My fears for the future would turn into incredible successes - some of the plans that I came up with in my head when I was pissed would make Richard Branson look like a used car salesmen. My worries of the past didn't matter, in fact, they were character building and made me the man I am today! And don't forget the man I was that day was a drunk man,

And don't get me started on people that 'pop out for a quick pint' and literally just have one pint! What's the point? The first pint never touched the sides. The initial few gulps would take me to a half a pint left, and that meant that the pint was as good as finished so I would be fumbling around for change to buy the next one. I was so eager to get to that state of mind, the enjoyment of the drink and the sociable aspect around would actually just pass me by.

And if the people around couldn't keep up, i would go and find people who could, invariably fresh meat that hadn't heard my incredibly witty, hilarious and risque anecdotes, and who wouldn't judge me for drinking a shooter with every pint.

I would disappear from my own social circle and wake up in a strange bed or an uncomfortble couch, and come up with a plan of how I would explain my actions to the loved ones I had deserted the night/ days before.

That behaviour played out so many times, I can't tell you...hundreds would be a dreadful underestimation...thousands would be more accurate.

And when I wasn't actually drinking, I was thinking about it - the next drinking session couldn't come to soon.

Towards the end, my self worth could only be found in a bottle.

'Normal' drinkers stop to keep control, I drank to lose control because I could control fuck all when I was sober.

It starts with the first drink, everything else just follows. Thats why one is too many, and thirty never enough.That's why I cannot drink again. I'm allergic to alcohol. If you are allergic to peanuts, or shell fish or anything, you stop eating them. I cannot drink. All the above happens when i do!

There is so much more that I can point to that makes me an alcoholic, but this hopefully gives you an insight into the effect/ cause of alcohol has when it enters my system. If you are concerned by the identity you can make with the above, then perhaps you need to ask a few more questions, perhaps speak to someone who know more about the subject, maybe contact Alcoholics Anonymous...it could be the best thing you ever do!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)