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How do you grieve?

Updated on August 18, 2011

 Grieving can be easy or hard. It can throw you into a hole and it can make you stronger. For some, it hits immediately and others not for months. For myself, it never ends.

Do you handle it "right"? Or a way others tell you you should? If you "forget" what has happened, does it mean you will be ok? Should we all grieve the same?

I have been grieving the loss of my great Grandmother for 9 years, my Grandfather for almost 4 and a baby for about 6 months. Time won't make these feelings disappear. Nor, will it make life easier. Am I supposed to feel like they are watching over me? Do you feel like your loved ones are watching you?

Sometimes I want to curl up in a bubble and forget everything that has happened. Then I realize, this is a life cycle and we can't run. I have to be strong for my children and husband. Granted, I haven't lost what most people have. The stories in the news about car accidents and children loosing their parents or a spouse loosing their significant other, devastate me. I could not imagine going through that. Have you suddenly lost someone like this?

 

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    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 

      7 years ago from Australia

      I am so sorry to hear of your losses. Grief is such a debilitating emotion and I feel your pain. I remember looking for answers to these sort of questions initially when my son passed away. I read a lot of books trying to work out what I should do and how I should feel, because to begin with it just didn’t seem real. Some things I read felt all wrong, for example one book I read said to make yourself accept the death as quickly as possible by helping the undertaker prepare the body and making yourself sort out belongings of the deceased one as soon as possible. I couldn’t do this and even now, eight months on, I cannot open my son’s cupboard door. A wonderful hubber who goes by the name womannshadows has made beautiful quilts from her deceased husband’s clothes. I would love to do this one day with my son’s clothes but not until I am ready.

      I find I have become hypersensitive to news of other deaths too and tend to take it personally even though they are strangers. I feel so much for the families and find my sorrow for them blends into my own pain.

      You are right, time doesn’t make the pain easier to bare, but I think for me coming to accept that my grief will always be part of me and that I am now changed, has helped, it’s what I do with the grief that is important now. I often just pour it all out in my poems and that helps. When I am hiking or in the outdoors doing things my son loved to do, I feel so close to him, and this makes me happy and renews my energy. Because I feel this closeness, I do feel he is with me, though not because anyone has told me this is what should happen.

      I am finding my own way through this maze of emotions and tend to steer clear of people who want to tell me how to grieve. All I can say if there is anything at all, like writing for example or maybe making a beautiful little quilt from your babies clothes, anything at all that you find eases the pain for you, then do it. But also if you need to curl up in a little ball and cry, then do that too because it also is a release. Do what ever you need to do and don’t feel guilty for expressing how you feel for while you want to stay strong for your family its okay for them to see that you are also human and that you hurt. They may need to express their grief also and might feel they can more openly if you do.

      My heart is with you. All the very best to you, warm wishes, Fennelseed.

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