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How do you love? Let us look at the ways!

Updated on February 1, 2014

My roses are great to look at!

But I love touching them and bringing them to my face and smelling them or bending them over for my young son to touch and smell.
But I love touching them and bringing them to my face and smelling them or bending them over for my young son to touch and smell. | Source

The simple act of touching.

Let us start with love of touch. It is incredible, work back from a kiss. The most enjoyable thing in the world for man is to brush back his daughter’s hair and kiss her forehead. Kissing your young son on a skinned knee ranks high up there. And a morning kiss to your wife spells a great day ahead. When grandma kisses your cheek and shows you hers’ that is worth one billion dollars. And when a small child in the church class you teach runs up and kisses you and says I love you. Life does not get better.

But we must not give in to such affection we must spread it better than that. We must wink and hold the store clerks’ hand and spend the time to visit our neighbor who is infirmed and give them a gentle hug or just hand hold. We must not shy from a handshake or a pat on the back and we must offer them.

Such is a love beyond our own grace but something that transcends two people. Now I am a theologian of some degree and I found a phrase that I like for you. I shall not finish it but I shall start it; “whenever two or more of you”.

Touching is a wonderful thing.

I like this song for the simple reason that it reminds us to look at ourselves, we really need to spend more time doing that.

Speech is a wonderful tool in our tool belt.

For several days I paid close attention to the speech around me. I concluded that a third of it was just reflex and habit – “thank you --- no problem”. And a full third was filler talk “how are your children doing and how is that car of yours’ running” blah blah blah. And then the remainder was important thought out communication. I promise you that successful people speak just like the above but actually mean their responses and want to know how you are and actually listen to what you say.

So here is a fun fact of life. Really being in the moment of the speech makes all the difference. “I love you” does not mean anything unless the person saying it is thinking it at the time of saying it and thinking about you and not them.

There is a woman who does not say, good morning or excuse me or any of the pleasantries we just spew forth without meaning. If she does not feel it, she does not say it. When she says “I love you” to me, it is like a ray of sunshine with doves fluttering upwards and angels singing. Truth be told that she is cold. After ten years of marriage she in fact does not love me all the time. So she does not lie to me with platitudes. We can come to realize that this type of love speech is ultimately more valuable.

Are we cognizant of love?

Do you just say words sometimes because it is habit?

See results

Some folks just love other folks.

I reckon Nina got paid to care for me. I also reckon that her love for me had no price.
I reckon Nina got paid to care for me. I also reckon that her love for me had no price. | Source

Devotion

We have a saying in my Dierker family and it basically goes like this and is taken from probably a famous quote. In this house, we boot up and we suit up and we show up on time and so we may not always win but we shall never fail. So around here nobody ever gets fired and everybody earns school degrees and we all have general good health and except for me we do not go to jail. But that is life and here we speak of love.

So we apply the same concept of devotion to our love. We Show up for each other! Sometimes I really have not felt like crawling out of bed at 1 am and driving to some stupid party to retrieve my son because he was too drunk to drive and called. Sometimes I get tired of reading the same bunny book twenty times. And sometimes I do not want to hear about my wife’s coworkers’ husbands’ rash.

But we do it. And we damn well put a smile on our face when we do – and there is love.

Now I put this video here because I know most readers here do not do country, I mean be country. And so I place here for you to learn to love people that are di

Care of Self

This one is the toughest for most of us. Let us admit our faults here. We do not eat, exercise, work and sleep as well as we should. What does that have to do with love? Sometimes I forget that others love me and even depend on me. Being brought up youngest of 6 it has taken me near fifty years to really grasp that in some ways I am the center of someone else’s life. I get edgy with that feeling.

But we all see the point. For our loved ones we have to take care of ourselves for them.

If you are reading this you are giving me some love, so please take care of yourself. I need that love.

This little first born demanded our love and she darned well got it!

When we stand up and demand that someone love us, many will say you cannot do it that way. Bull! Demand it and they will start loving themselves.
When we stand up and demand that someone love us, many will say you cannot do it that way. Bull! Demand it and they will start loving themselves. | Source

Contribution

All the love talk, touchy feely good stuff and warm fuzziness in the world is just dandy like candy. But without contributing to the union of whoever there is no love. Conscious effort and sacrifice of self to the betterment of those you love is a requirement. There are some religions that have some sects that argue whether or not good works by themselves get you into heaven. Very funny if you think about it. How can good works be separated from love? I just love grumpy old men who deny love and yet give graciously and abundantly to charity. But I just hate the pompous pious who give only for show. So that brings us to our last little category.

Heartfelt

No matter what I do if it is not done in love then it and I are an empty gong, a bell without the ringer and a meal without taste. Fear not here for it is a blessing that this be required of true love. It is designed that way for a reason and the reason must be something’s love for us. Because as we try very hard to make our actions heartfelt we slip and slide, sometimes quite unaware, into loving ourselves. What a treasure and crazy act of reality that the more we try hard to love another the more we love ourselves. Wow!! Sorry I just tear with joy when I speak of such wonderment, it reaches into me and makes me go to my son who will be four tomorrow and:

Touch; Give him a kiss and a hug

Speech; Tell him that he is awesome and that I love him

Devotion; Make sure he knows I am right here and right now – even for that bee that just flew by

Care of self; That I am strong and tougher than any bee, see watch me eat my apple and spinach

Contribution; That he has home and someone to help build that sand castle

Heartfelt; And slow down and look eye to eye and let him feel the love from me

Let us wrap up this bad boy mushy gushy hub up with some tribute

I have an older brother who is a good man and an honest man except with himself. Just an idea about him is that he is over 60 and people still call him “the wedge”. He still is a master carpenter and can still row a boat down the wildest rivers with the best of the best. I do not get along with him. However my youngest daughter is named after him, so there is love between us even though he is a bombastic atheist and I am the perfect little brother Christian ;-)

And here goes a hard part. I dedicate this Hub to my brother. Not for the touchy feely stuff but for the good works part and the devotion part and the heartfelt part and in that he is honest with his love as we should all strive to be.

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    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      What a beautiful article Eric! This article is a blessing that starts off the month of February with the true meaning of love. Reflecting on what matters most family and the love that you can give a young child. Beautiful pictures and great song choices. Thank You!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much. This was one I had to take three days to write. It means a lot to me that we just do not feel the love but let it drive us to higher heights.

    • David Carl profile image

      David Carl 3 years ago from New York

      Mr Dierker

      This may be the first hub that I have read all the way through, watched every video, answered the poll and with enthusiasm, gave it several thumbs up. I read it with my 12 year old son. he could identify Johnny Cash but Hank Jr., I am afraid not. So thank you for your 3 days of inspiration, perspiration and hard work.

      David Carl

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Some claim to be well and sane. Others David admit our fallacy and failures. I look and talk to my children and realize that I am living proof of doing poor.

      With that said I am alive right now and cheering and I refuse to be a victim. I have ten hubbers whose stuff I read with my small child.

      I love our friends.

    • B. Leekley profile image

      Brian Leekley 3 years ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

      I love this hub. Up, Useful, Interesting, Beautiful, and shared.

      Jesus taught: love your neighbor, and gave the example of a Samaritan loving his neighbor by giving him some TLC when he found him mugged at the side of the road. The lesson? Put love into action as appropriate in this moment's situation. It might be a touch, or a kind word, or a helping hand, or refraining from an angry come-back, or an anonymous favor, or ...., or see this hub.

      About speech, see the Marshall Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication Workshop videos.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Always such a pleasure to see you and read your comments. Oh MY!! you just did one of those or, or ors'

      Sometimes just some attention is what we crave and need. I think most of us if we pay attention will choose to love.

      People I love you so I direct you to find more wisdom and love here:

      https://healdove.com/wellness/How-To-Be-in-the-Mom

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A great article Eric which leaves much food for thought.

      Eddy.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Eddy this one took a bit to write as my son kept demanding all of them from me ;-)

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      That is the toughest part, loving those who are members of our family who do not reciprocate that love. There are even those who we know will someday leave this world before us due to the daily habits and lifestyle they have chosen, and yet, they are our loved ones. Truly, that is charity, or Christlike love in the highest degree, to love those who do not return that love, or who may make choices with which we do not agree.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Denise for such an important comment.

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