- Mental Health
Single White Neighbor-She wanted to Be Me
What would YOU do?
Last summer when H (my husband) and I still lived apart while going through a separation, he'd come to visit me nearly every day at my apartment complex. He had mentioned to me that a girl he knew when he was a kid, lived in a townhome across the parking lot. H also mentioned that this girl (we'll call her Carrie) who is 9 years his junior, used to have a crazy crush on him when they were kids. I didn't think anything of it, she had only been around 9 years old at the time, H was 18, it had always made him uncomfortable he said, but he felt sorry for her. He knew that she had grown up in an extremely dysfunctional home and didn't want to hurt her feelings, so he was always very nice to Carrie.
Late last December we moved into the townhomes, only two doors down from Carrie.
She wants to BE ME
Shortly after moving into our townhome, Carrie introduced herself to me. I was nice to her, she seemed sweet enough. Slowly but surely over the next few months, Carrie made herself very well known.
Nearly every day Carrie would find some excuse to come over and see H. She needed a cigarette, some sugar, or a band-aid for one of her children. But I kept quiet about it for quite awhile. She seemed almost pathetic in many ways and I could see that she was crying out for something. I don't mean that in a bitchy, judgemental way but it was painfully obvious, the crush she had/has on H.
Throughout the recent months, several instances have occurred that have rocked me to the core. For most of my life I was a naive human being, I will sorely admit that, but the things I have witnessed around Carrie have forced me to see into the scary, but all too real world.
It started out with hair dye. After one of her much un-anticipated knocks on the door, I opened it up to see Carrie with her naturally blonde hair, dyed brown. Now, that in itself wouldn't be worth much worry. Millions of women dye their hair, that didn't necessarily throw off any red flags. Even though my hair is brown, I didn't put two and two together at the time.
Since then she has repeatedly shown up at my house to talk to H. Some of you may be thinking that I'm judging Carrie too harshly, but you haven't heard the rest of the story.
Besides dying her hair from blonde to brown (like mine), Carrie has done some pretty scary things. I believe they may be in the "stalking" category, but you tell me.
There have been times that I have went outside to spend time with my kids at our local park. Several times now, if Carrie sees me and I am wearing make-up or if I'm dressed up at all, she will literally walk away into her house, and emerge a different woman. When she initially walked out her door, she was in the typical "poor mom" garb. A big t-shirt, sweat pants, and hair tied up in a bun. But when she came back outside she had make-up on, a cute shirt, and nice shoes just like the ones I was wearing many times. Like I said, this happened several times.
If Carrie is in the mood to flirt with my husband, she will change her outfit from sweats to sexy in seconds. It's extremely pathetic, but I let it go on. H and I had discussed this several times so we both knew what the other was thinking of the issue. We both felt bad for her so we let things slide.
She has gone so far as to copy my complete outfit on certain days. One particular day I was wearing capri sweatpants, a t-shirt, and flip-flops. Carrie began the day wearing long sweatpants and a tank top. After she had seen me on this particular day, she changed her outfit to sweatpants (which she rolled up to her calves to be capri-like), a t-shirt, and flip-flops and she made a point to come over to our house and make something up to talk about, trying to get H to notice her.
Recently Carrie came over and had band-aids all down the inside of her arm. It appeared as if she had tried to slit her wrists or something of the sort. Knowing her past and her family, neither of us doubted what was under those bandages. She was looking for attention. She hadn't been over for days prior, but apparently needed some "love" from H. Neither H nor I had asked her what happened, we knew.
She was visiting recently, Shane called me "honey" and I didn't hear him initially. When I asked if he was talking to me, he said yes and Carrie said, "Well, I'm sure he wasn't talking to me." I'm sorry, isn't that a little bizarre? Not only that, but I have been working out and losing weight...she has tried to give me several trays of cookies, cakes, and ice cream bars. We believe she's trying to fatten me up...they have no money and live on welfare, why would they be giving me fatty foods? They have three children to raise.
A few weeks ago, H had signed up to do in-patient drug treatment in a larger town about 40 minutes away. Because Carrie and her family have been addicted to pain pills and the like, for so long, they'd all had their opinions on which treatment center H should get in to. And H and I were oblivious to their games at the time because we didn't know anything about the treatment programs like they did. We assumed they were looking out for our best interests.
Only days before H was to begin classes with this treatment center, Carrie came over to inform us that she also needed treatment and that she'd be attending the same center as H. He and I just looked at each other and wished her the best. Immediately upon her walking out our door that moment, H and I could see her plan forming. After H had been to his original meeting to get into treatment, they told him that men and women do spend some of their days and groups together....H and I almost lost it. Carrie knew that they would be spending time together had they been in the treatment center at the same time. We truly couldn't believe it.
Since that day, H has decided to switch to another town for treatment and today was supposed to be d-day for Carrie too. She had went through the county to get into treatment, so now if she doesn't go, the county will intervene with her children. She has tried to stop her friends from giving H good ideas on where to go, she doesn't want him going anywhere else. It's so sad to see how angry she is now that he's not going to be there. Now she doesn't want to go at all.