- Mental Health
How the self-saboteur takes over during holidays
Baking for others relaxes me
Stop the self-saboteur
How to spot your self-saboteur during a holiday season?
We all have the self-saboteur, and it will show its’ head throughout our life. It tries hard to get us to do something, which we know would harm us. The self-saboteur main objective is to bring us an instant solution that leads to happiness. Now you might wonder what is so wrong with this. It is actually offering you a Band-Aid affect, and not a long term solution. When we let our saboteur take control we often end up repeating an old lesson. It will not stop, until we can rise above our own self-cravings of instantly fixing our pain.
The holiday seasons often brings out our saboteur. We ache and crave what was familiar to us. This could stem from our childhood family, family with our spouse or just wanting to not spend the holidays alone. This season, December’s holidays, I have noticed a big stir and pull with my own saboteur. It pulls daily, and often will awaken me in the middle of the night. My life has zero resemblance of my childhood, or my marriage. Living as a single widow, the holidays usher in the shadow side of this. It becomes a dilemma for me. The big empty bed, plus the chill that aches to the bone from my heart are all reminders of this pit of loneness. It seems to become more wide spread during the holiday seasons throughout the year. Many people will announce to me that they did not want to be alone for another holiday. Their disappointment shakes their own foundation, and the self-saboteur begins its road of reacting. I am sure this is represented of at least of few of you who are reading this. There are those who have a significant other who still feel this pain of being alone. Their mate does not give them what they feel they need. Besides intimate relationships, the let-down of how we assume our family should behave towards us is often expressed by many people. It is often an illusion in our minds of expectations that can never be met in real life. We live in a world of fantasy and high expectations just to fit our needs. These acts like a spring-board into choosing outlets that can only offer us more grief later on in our life. Some people will fall in love with another, creating an affair and cheating on their significant other. Others out of deep loneness will hook up with a person more out of lust than love, only to regret their new relationship. We might argue with our family, and words that can wound a person are often pulled out as weapons.
The self-saboteur in you is out big time if you recognize any of the above within you. How does one stop this saboteur? Simply you must not fall back into old patterns, which leads to reactionary decisions. One must learn to deal with the pain inside them. It is normal to feel emptiness, especially during any holiday season. You are out and about and you see people busy preparing for the holidays. There are couples all around, and do not forget all those commercials that drive home we need to be paired up. It is an everyday unsought of emotional blackmail thrown at us, and with our own hearts heavy we buy into those messages. As easy as it is to slide down that delusional slide, you can choose not to, and save yourself from waking up with the self-saboteur in full swing. Having it in total control will lead eventually to your own nightmare. Do you wish to experience this hell again?
Inner pain will not kill you. Please know that. Yes it has the effect of snuffing out the light within you, and all you can see is disarray, but if you embrace this darkness (fear) and move throw it, you will come out happy again. The holidays are not an excuse to mess up your life. Do not permit it. You can stop it. There are a couple methods that I do use with success.
1. I do not dwell on it to others. The reason for this is my thoughts are energy, and to have others add to this energy is not feasible. Even when I am sick I do not mentioned it, because I do not want a thought-form of good will people encircling me. People cannot help but to see us as we display ourselves. If we are emotionally, mentally or physically in pain that will be the picture they too will carry in their head.
2. I love pretty things, especially nature. Each day, I will seek nature, be it going outside, finding pretty pictures and making collages, or just sitting at home with a few of my treasure possessions. There is always beauty around us, we just need to shift our awareness and focus on beauty verses what we do not have.
3. I will constantly tell myself, make no major decisions until this holiday season is over. As a rule, when a holiday passes, my own life, as it is, looks pretty good to me. If there is something I wish to change, than I will set it up as a goal. An example of this is what do I want for an intimate relationship? I haven’t even made up my mind if I really want another, but in the mean time I am formatting what I do want, as well as what I will not tolerate. In doing this, I am ahead of the game, since I do not believe in changing someone to fit what I want.