What to do when you are having Suicidal Thoughts
It's Always Darkest before the Dawn
Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
This is a sensitive topic but one that needs to be discussed and more importantly one that needs answers. People who have suicidal thoughts seldom share these thoughts with others, however they might, they just might Google, in the privacy of their own homes "How to Deal with Suicidal Thoughts" and they might stumble upon my blog. This blog is for those who have felt this way and for those who have struggled with suicidal thoughts for their entire life. I am over 50 and I have had suicidal thoughts since I was a young girl. I consider my age a triumph over the depression that has accompanied me throughout my life.
I don't know why I have felt this way, on and off, almost all my life but I have. That's the first thing that you have to know and that is that it's not your fault that you are thinking like this. You don't want to die, you just want things to be better and you don't know how to get there. Having suicidal thoughts is not a moral flaw. But, not everyone thinks that way, especially people who have never been down that long, dark, lonely road. For those people, dealing with this subject can be terrifying. But, for people who have never had suicidal thoughts that doesn't mean that they are off the hook, they might have children going through this or husbands or wives or friends...what will you tell them when you have never dealt with this issue personally?
One weapon you have to fight against suicidal thoughts with is your mind. Your mind is what got you into this mess and your mind can get you out. First of all, who is to say that if you kill yourself that the pain will stop. What if, the moment you pass over you have all the same emotional and mental pain but have no way of making it better because you are no longer in the body or the land of the living. Someone said once, where there is life there is hope, what if the escape you seek is really just a permanent prison? Now, that is one scary thought! And if that is the case then it takes the solution of suicide off the table. If suicide is off the table one is forced to deal with the situation rather than dream of an escape hatch.
There are things you can do to make your current situation better in almost all circumstances. Exercise, eating right, fresh air, and company will all help to scrape you off the bottom and raise your mood. Remember you don't have to elevate your mood to 100%, you only have to get it up a little for now and a little later, that's all you have to do. So whatever will help elevate your mood, do those things. In addition to the areas I just mentioned, going to a movie or to a bookstore and just getting out of the house for a few hours will help. After you have elevated your mood to a decent level then you can start tackling the areas that got you into the dark side in the first place. I always liked the saying "how does one eat an elephant"? and the answer, "one bite at a time". Whatever your situation, however grim, however difficult, the answer lies in taking that first little baby step, then another, then another until the situation is remedied.
I think we live in very difficult times. We are constantly being told that we are not good enough, that we must be beautiful and rich and perfect in order to be worthy human beings. God says that we are good enough just the way we are, that He made us in His image. We don't have to conform to societies standards to be worthy of love or happiness, we don't have to be perfect, we just have to learn to love ourselves and each other just the way we are, faults, blemishes, sins and all.
Finally, remember that next week you could win the lottery or meet the man or woman of your dreams or stumble upon some unknown happiness that hasn't even entered your mind up until now. Things can and will change unless you off yourself, then you will have put a period on your life that you will have to deal with in the afterlife and your friends and family will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. There is a saying in a book called "The Big Little Book of Jewish Wit and Wisdom", it says that "A man should go on living if only to satisfy his curiosity". I like that saying, I hope you like it too.
In closing, remember that we were not put on this earth to satisfy ourselves, we were put on this earth to learn how to have a relationship with God and with others. As St. Augustine once wrote: "You have made us for yourself Oh Lord and are heart is restless until it rests in You".
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