How to Cope With A Missed Miscarriage
You've gotten the most exciting and frightening news of all, you’re pregnant. As you begin daydreaming about a sweet baby girl or a bouncing baby boy, throw yourself into baby naming websites, and perhaps even announcing your new addition to the world, suddenly everything is ripped away right from your fingertips. Maybe it was the sudden bleeding, (which a speedy google search will immediately tell you is normal, what a tantalizing lie to tell to a woman who is miscarrying) it may have been the intense cramping, or it may have been nothing at all. A silent, devastating exit of life from your womb, otherwise known as a missed miscarriage.
How It Happened
You walk into the doctor's office full of glee, hope and bursting with love, unable to contain your excitement about seeing your beautiful growing life. You sit on the table in position as the tech squirts the warm gel onto your stomach, is that bloat or perhaps a little bump forming? The room goes quiet as she searches for your little one’s heartbeat, oh such a sound you have longed to listen too. You can feel the growing tension in the room as the tech continues to wave over your stomach, the small smirk gently fading away. She looks up at you, and suddenly the air is sucked out of the room. Suffocating silently, you nod your head as she goes to get your doctor, and the impending news is said far before the words slip out of your doctor’s mouth. No heartbeat. This beautiful life growing inside you is not growing at all, a silent shell of what might have been lays in your body, gently cradled by your womb.
Days begin to melt together, the same phrases and words of sympathy become a constant cycle in your head after hearing them from loved ones over and over again. The most loathsome tape playing over and over buzzing in your brain, so how do you get out of bed in the morning? What did you do to cause this? Will you ever be able to conceive again, and if you do, will you worry the entire pregnancy of this moment happening yet again? What can you do to pull yourself out of this deep rut that you have sunk into, and do you even want to resurface?
What You Can Do
Time: The most important factor in coping with a missed miscarriage is simply time. The phrase that time heals all wounds is easier said than done however, and months may pass without any sign of light in your eyes. Time will never heal you completely but time alone will slowly pull you out of the dark, carefully and begrudgingly it will force you to go on until going on is all you know, the heartbreak will never heal but it will fade and scar, leaving you to learn to feel again.
Talk to your doctor about every question you have: A detailed Q&A with your doc can put your mind at ease about the things you cannot change, and give you information about what a missed miscarriage is, and where you will go from here.
Seek out help: Whether is be a close friend, a family member, or a professional, do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Speaking to a therapist can do your mind loads of good, and asking for help from friends and family can lessen the load you are feeling while you are enduring this devastating pain.
Realize you did nothing wrong: For whatever reason, which would never suffice for the amount of pain you are in, there is nothing you could have done to stop it or fix it. Trust that your body, although it feels like the ultimate betrayal, was doing what it believed was necessary. And if you still cannot forgive your own womb for failing you, then muster the courage to forgive it, forgive your body for betraying you.
After experiencing a missed miscarriage myself, I know that it may feel as though you will never become the woman you once were, and that’s okay, because you are forever changed and grow stronger every minute because of it.