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The Happiness Key

Updated on July 18, 2013

Is Happiness Possible?

Do you believe we can be happy for prolong periods?

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Is Happiness Real?

Do you believe there is such a thing as happiness? Do you wonder why some people seem happy and you don't? Is happiness just an elusive dream?

We Need to Clear the Way to be Happy

Frustrated with getting nowhere in Life

We have all at times wished for our life to change. There are times when we felt lack, which brought uncomfortableness to us. I am sure at some time you have felt loss in your life. How many times have you experience loss of direction or purpose? Are you experiencing this today? Have you been searching for advice so you can remedy a situation? How many times have you gone to a bookstore in search of a book or books that offer you ‘how to fix this or that’? Perhaps you surf the internet seeking for any answer on how to fix your dilemma. I know many of us have felt that we do a lot of walking in circles and getting nowhere. As a profession spiritual life coach, I hear those comments daily. My clients would upon arising, wait for something to happen to change their life. They searched endlessly for the clue that would resolve their issues. Than at night they would go to bed tossing and turning, as they reviewed their day. There was not a single day that they did not start and end the day looking for and not finding that clue. Can you also relate to that?

Happiness is an inside job

Change begins within our mind

We are all guilty at least once in our life for seeking happiness outside of ourselves. For most of us this is now a habit. You might by now read something about looking within, but our habit nudges us back to looking outwards. It truly is a hard habit to break, yet it is absolutely breakable. We can do this! We first have to train ourselves daily in creating a new habit. The habit is making ourselves feel alive. We need to find our own joy, not dependent on another. The more you do this, the old habit dissipates. We begin to understand why searching outwards for happiness is a complete waste of our precious energy and time. The question though is how to discover how to make ourselves feel joy, happiness and peace, despite our circumstances.

If you are thirsty to leap out of your own personal hell, than you will have to stop looking at others and things to be responsible for your happiness. This here is the largest habit you will be learning to break. It might try to creep in here and there, even after you have broken it, but do not be concerned. Habits always try to entice us, and we can choose to not give it fertile ground. We can break this habit by learning what our body is telling us regarding any situation. There is an excellent book on discovering how the right and left brain works by Jill Bolte Taylor. I have place a link to her lecture on “My Stroke of Insight”. She is a brain scientist who did experience a stroke. She is able to explain this better than I could ever wish. There are other authors and a major movement within Quantum Physics that can help you to understand the capability our bodies have. You can discover them on You Tube and find their books anywhere. I will recommend a few, Dr. Fred Wolfe, Dr. Bruce Lipton and Dr. Joe Dispenza.

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

Letting go of Drama

Releasing our need for constant drama

There are many people who cannot tear themselves away from feeding drama. Are you one of these types? Does this fit someone you know or perhaps you? A person cannot go anywhere without sharing all their troubles. They do this in grocery stores to strangers, to friends and even on Facebook. What these people are doing, and perhaps you, are pulling energy into them from others. They are feeding off of you. Drama is storytelling, and the storyteller needs an audience. There is a way to break this habit. Stop attending to others, as well as your dramatic display of storytelling. Just stop being present to this. If you feel yourself starting to do this, stop yourself. Ask yourself why do you need that person to feed you? What is causing you to need nourishment from outside you? What type of nourishment will you actually get? Is this what you want? Can you see this is the means of causing another person’s body to have a headache, stomachache or any other means of lowering their energy? Is this what you wish to contribute to others?

If someone is doing this, stop yourself. Why are you still hanging around them at that instant? Do you know that you have the right to guard your serenity? Do you know you do not need to participate? This is tricky, because we been conditioned by society to always be there for someone. There is a difference in being present for another who is going through trauma, versus someone who forever is making the choice to live in drama. This difference is well to learn. It will save our inner peace. Everyone has an occasional traumatic experience. We need to surround them with love and understanding. This is different than the person who daily expounds on all the injustices thrown to them throughout their life. This person is wading in drama, and is benefiting from it in a negative way. Depleting others energies constantly is not a positive. You do have the right to end that friendship, or conversation with a stranger. You have the right to stop embarking on activities where these type of people congregate. I have had to stop going to chat rooms, because of this very thing. My serenity and wellbeing is most important. I must protect it.

I have found this is something that I need to be conscious of daily. I do this through learning to become the observer, and just watching my actions. With this awareness, I can stay on-top of my behavior. You can do this too, by incorporating the observer. There will be times when I observe that I am seeking approval and this is when my drama queen wishes to enter the picture. I understand how she in all her glory will begin to manipulate others around me to feed me approval. I do know approval seeking is detrimental to me, and will make sure I keep a close eye on this.

Points about Happiness

- Happiness can only be found within.

- Happiness from the outside is at best fleeting.

- Happiness is discovered through staying in the present

How the Brain Works


The art of surrender


Surrender is a tricky word for me, but it was one thing that I had to learn to accomplish. I felt if I surrender I would lose me. This is not something that has ever occurred. I am still me, but a broader persona now. Surrendering my ego made me wanted to go into a frenzy. My ego is the I Am. It is my personality. I still have my ego. My ego now is a friend. It does not guide or rule me anymore. Its purpose is to show me when my drama queen is present. I have other characters who represent characteristic that drag me down, and my ego will also keep me informed of their location. We work well together. I have a personality, my ego, and it works well with my soul/spirit. The art of surrendering is in the need to be approved, to be right, and to be justified with my judgment. My ego now listens to my soul when it speaks. They work well together. My soul wishes to experience unconditional love, so I explain to my ego what this means. It does the calculating and reminds me what brings me joy of unconditional love. To list just a few areas, unconditional love is given to my daughter, animals, friends and nature. As my ego and soul continue to grow in this, my unconditional loving will also grow. My ego is me, Renee and my soul is my observer. I observe without labels. I become aware of body sensations, and how I am emotionally feeling. My ego knows it enjoys feelings of peace and joy, so I seek those experiences within myself. The observer knows this is the only way, while my ego is learning to adhere to this.

This has how I have been able to make the changes in my life, which I craved. I am now able to work with both the ego and soul to create the wonders of joy, happiness and love for myself. This is done without depending on others to bring me my happiness, joy or love. I am these three things, with or without them. I am glad that I did take this leap, for my discoveries our boundless, and still growing. I am free.


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    • Renee Abbott profile imageAUTHOR

      Renee Abbott 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Carol. Yes, we are the only one responsible for our happiness. When we can really understand this, we can reach mountain peaks.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      If you look to others for your well being you are never going to be happy for the long haul. We can control our thoughts and actions and to me that is most powerful. Great hub with a super important message.

    • Renee Abbott profile imageAUTHOR

      Renee Abbott 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you so much Billy. What an honor you gave me, regarding my writing and this hub.

      Thank you again

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      What a powerful message. First of all, you are a very good writer. Secondly, this message is a must read for many people. We can change and it does begin with our minds....and then surrender is so important. Boy oh boy, you are right on with this one.


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