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How to Deal With Haters

Updated on May 1, 2011

What is a Hater?

A hater is someone who works to disrupt, debunk, or simply hate you, what you do, and what you love. Haters may spread lies or malicious gossip about you, talk about you behind your back with the intention of hurting you, and use manipulation and negativity to recruit additional members into their hater club.

Anyone with any degree of success or competence can get haters. Haters hate you for accomplishments, attractiveness, youthfulness, experience, or any qualities that you have that they don't possess. Hate may be the result of envy, jealousy, low self-esteem, fear of failure, or anger at life circumstances. Haters need to hate in order to make themselves feel better about whatever weakness or incompetence they feel about themselves. For example, I have a hater who calls people I work with to discuss how she is more competent and more experienced than myself. While there may be some truth to what she says, the message is delivered in a hater way that actually doesn't achieve her desired goal. Competence is illustrated by actions and self-evident to others. Her behavior is a result of her own insecurities and has very little to do with me or my behavior. I simply trigger this insecure reaction, as she perceives me as a threat. Her thought patterns are in fact irrational, as no such threat exists, and her hater behavior is the result of trying to compensate for her out of control feelings. Hating never addresses the underlying issue. As a result, haters have a hard time changing their behaviors.

Tips on How to Handle the Haters in Your Life

  • There is no reasoning with a hater. The painfulness of their own insecurities and inadequacies are so hard for them to face. Hate is the only why they can cope and go on with their lives. You can't talk a hater of hating. They are not ready to face their fears.
  • Accept that you have haters. Losers don't have haters. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Don't change who you are for your haters. Take care of yourself and retain your self-confidence. Don't let haters drag you down to their level. Don't hate back.
  • Limit contact and interactions with haters. As much as possible, you have to protect yourself and refrain from developing emotional relationships with your haters - keep it superficial.
  • Develop your own support systems. Create your own fan base for your emotional health and in order to create a positive spirit to your life.
  • Preserve your mental health. Develop outlets for expressing your feelings about the haters. Write, draw, paint, or find some means to let it all out, so that these negative feelings don't remain trapped inside and poison your life.
  • Speak up for yourself. Even though you are keeping your distance from your haters, you still need to honor your principles and beliefs. Speak your mind in a reasoned and rational manner. And, then move on with your life.
  • Continue to love and not hate. Find forgiveness.

Comments

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    • HattieMattieMae profile image

      HattieMattieMae 6 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

      We needed this hubpage! :)

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks for reading.

    • Chatkath profile image

      Kathy 6 years ago from California

      Good advice, there will always be haters, don't let it rain on your parade or affect your life one bit...Thank you :-0

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 6 years ago from Great Britain

      Very good advice for a problem l have suffered from. Unfortunately it was at a time where l was young with very little confidence. l had no idea how to handle it. l wish l´d had your hub then.!!!

      i´m sure it will help others who read this. Very nicely done.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks so much for reading and all the encouraging comments.

    • Scribenet profile image

      Scribenet 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      The toughest part is not to hate back...but as you said, you do not want to develop an emotional relationship with haters. Do not invest any emotion into negative behaviour!!!

      I have two immature people who live upstairs of me who are just that. Perhaps I didn't buy into their hateful behaviour against other neighbors they have hated and tried to mainpulate.

      Yet, I find peace of mind in totally ignoring them and it is quite amusing to see them still trying to show their contempt even though I am not the least bit interested. Sad creatures really.

      Great Hub! Voted up and useful!

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks so much Sribenet for your comments. It is hard to ignore haters, so you are doing a good job.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 6 years ago from London, UK

      Great share - One thing my parents told me is that no matter how good you are, or how you much you try to help people - there will still be a few who don't like you.

      Thanks for sharing wise words.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Your parents had some great advice.

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      A very Useful article..!! For a world filled with innumerable haters, we needed this article.

      There is no point in letting hatred stop us from achieving our goals. Instead we should perhaps concentrate on spreading love and destroying hatred from its roots.

      Thanku for sharing this brilliant hub

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      good hub. good advice. but sometimes a quick jab to the nose with your fist will curb the hate stuff too. LOL.

      (Not that i EVER advocate violence).

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      @cracknutcase ~ thanks. The world is full of haters and needs more love.

      @d.william~ there is a theory that you have to pop a bully in the nose in order for them to back off. lol

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      LOL. that is NOT a theory. It is the truth.

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 6 years ago from the Ether

      Voted up and funny. I love the comedian Katt William's take on haters...he says something like this:

      "You know haters when you see them...they usually give you that I'm-about-to-vomit face because they are so disgusted with you. Haters suck."

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      @kittythedreamer i like that quote

    • htodd profile image

      htodd 5 years ago from United States

      Great post,Thanks

    • mattdigiulio profile image

      mattdigiulio 5 years ago

      Excellent. Let the haters hate, let the liars lie. It's on their souls. They know the people they are, and they don't like what they see. Its tough to feel for them. Awesome hub,

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks mattdigiulio for your comment. Yes, the haters really hate themselves.

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 5 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Thank you for introducing yourself to me! It led me to this hub, which I read carefully. I think this is quite well done and I will mull over what you have said for a few days or more. I have not heard this behavior described in such a manner and I find it refreshing and informative!!! Thanks so much- voted up and awesome.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks Storytellersrus. I enjoyed reading your Hubs. This Hub is from my real life experience of dealing with haters and making it through to the other side. Thanks for reading.

    • Injured lamb profile image

      Injured lamb 5 years ago

      Great hub! Voted up and useful. Touched by your second tip..."Accept that you have haters. Losers don't have haters. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Don't change who you are for your haters. Take care of yourself and retain your self-confidence. Don't let haters drag you down to their level. Don't hate back."

    • krazikat profile image

      Ophelia Madden 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      I like it! So true and great suggestions you have for dealing with haters. ;o)

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks Injured lamb and krazikat for your comments. They are much appreciated.

    • Bard of Ely profile image

      Steve Andrews 5 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

      Voted up, tagged as Useful and am sharing at Facebook!

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks Bard of Ely. Glad to be following you. You have great hubs.

    • kerlynb profile image

      kerlynb 5 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

      "Limit contact and interactions with haters." Useful suggestion. This hub is also filled with excellent insights. Sometimes though, we are just stuck with haters :-( So we just have to be happy on our own :D

    • selfdefenselesson profile image

      selfdefenselesson 5 years ago

      Good stuff. There will always be haters, because the haters hate that you are doing something they wish they could.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      kerlynb ~ yes, i learned that only me can make me happy, thanks for the comments

      selfdefenselesson ~ thanks for reading and following me

    • profile image

      naturalsolutions 5 years ago

      I believe in this word, haters make us famous.lol funny but true. Haters is one of the thing that makes our life more exciting.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      definitely

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Sadly...I have not garnered enough success or competence to attract the attention of any haters...I guess that's good.

      Haters don't swim among the mediocre, apparently. That said...I feel as if I will be ready should I unexpectedly up my game...as a result of your well written Hub!

      Great Information and Sentiments my new friend!

      Thomas

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Hi Thomas, I am glad I found you on hubpages. You are a very talented writer . . . so watch out, your haters are just around the corner.

    • profile image

      reeltaulk 5 years ago

      The sad thing about it is that most haters do possess some talent or gift but they curse themselves by behaving this way towards others. In all essence poisoning the power they possess reversely to the one they hate. Dysfunctional and dumb!!! but what can you say, outside of me sharing this...nothing! Because at the end of the day practice has perfected their actions and thoughts which will have them continue with their "non paying practice"....Hating. btw I can't forget about the "successful" haters that hate on anyone who has the potential of being "greater" or more "successful" than them. Somewhere in their warped mind they believe that you want what they have, as though it is worth coveting, when in all essence ones level as well as definition of success differs. Sooo Sad, Sad and more Sad....Just gotta love em!

      LOL@ Losers don't have haters!

    • profile image

      Hated 5 years ago

      Why should I forgive a hater? They are not normal.

      You should protect yourself from them, whatever it takes cos they can destroy your life.

    • dilipchandra12 profile image

      Dilip Chandra 5 years ago from India

      Great Hub, i find the above hub very useful. Thanks for sharing. I believe now i have learnt something from the above useful hub.

    • profile image

      Hanna1699 5 years ago

      We can't stop hater from hating us, but point is, we can stop ourselves from hating who we are by just using the hater's irrational judgement. We know we are way better than that.

    • AnnaCia profile image

      AnnaCia 5 years ago

      I do not waste my time with haters. On the other hand, only if they disturb my life, then I would make them clear that I do not have any interest on what they have to say. Haters can use mechanisms to really hurt in many ways: physically, emotionally, mentally...then something must be done with them. Thanks for the hub.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks for stopping by AnnaCia and the comment. You have the right idea ~ haters take up far too much time.

    • profile image

      Oksana 5 years ago

      Oh Gosh, if you are doing great, you gotta have some haters... :)

    • profile image

      Anonymous 5 years ago

      Guys, also remember one thing -

      Odds are, there is nobody on this planet that can hate you! NOBODY!

      Why? Because odds are nobody knows you well enough to hate you!

      They can hate their perceived image of you yes - but that is not you!

      Imagine if someone calls you a geek for getting high grades. There not calling you a geek, there calling their percieved image of you a geek.

      It;s an enlightening feeling knowing that nobody in the world can hate you!

      You can all be happy knowing that now! :)

    • Jlava73 profile image

      Jennifer Vasconcelos 5 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

      Great Hub! I agree if you are successful you will attract haters. Excellent advice for dealing with them. Voted-up.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks for the vote up Jlava73.

    • scarletohara profile image

      scarletohara 5 years ago

      Great Hub!

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 5 years ago from Chennai, India

      This is a very wise and thoughtful hub on how to deal with haters. I met some of them when I was in college, doing my postgraduate course. I maintained a distance from them and let go of them and the past. My parents always gave me sensible advice on ignoring such difficult people. Your hub is an eye-opener, especially forgiveness!

      Thanks for SHARING. Useful, awesome & interesting. Voted up.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Glad you had such sound advice from your parents. Thanks for the vote up.

    • profile image

      kdawn 5 years ago

      Amazingly truthful hub!

    • profile image

      annsgzmn 5 years ago

      Nice one. :)

      Follow me on http:annsgzmn.blogspot.com

    • profile image

      Anny 4 years ago

      This was very helpful for me. Thank you so much for the tips!

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      Every bit of this hub is true, useful, and awesome. A lot of people get bogged down when haters set their sights on them and people are insecure over the most silly and mundane of things. So much so, that if you are the object of their hatred, it's best to focus on other things but if they cross boundaries make sure you let them know.

    • truthfornow profile image
      Author

      truthfornow 4 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Thanks for your valuable comments Express10.

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