- Quality of Life & Wellness
How to Deal with Energy Sucking People
Have you ever noticed how spending time with some people can really suck the life out of you? Chronic complainers, users, manipulators, liars, drama addicts, bottomless emotional pits, controllers, guilt trippers, negative discussers, slanderers, gossipers, unmotivated ones, needy ones, victim players, those who expect everyone and everything to evolve around them, those who speak of themselves in grandiose terms (I’m so great) and then in “pity me” terms, and even abusive types.
Whatever description they fit into, the bottom line is that everything is always about them and they seem to expect to be top priority in the lives of others. They carry narcissistic traits and may be referred to as an energy vampire since they have a tendency to be energy sucking and drain life from others.Described here is further details about energy sucking people and how to keep them from draining energy from you.
How do some people become an energy vampire?
people function off of these negative methods as a way to fill their need for
attention from others. They may believe they are focusing on positive traits
about themselves or on what could be better about the world and others, but the
fact remains that they have got themselves in a life cycle that keeps them stuck
in negative circumstances. In order to attempt to balance their own lives, they become
reliant on the energy and resources of others to fill their needs. But no
matter how much they may get, even if it’s to the point of draining you
emotionally, physically or even financially dry, it’s never enough for them.
Their narcissistic traits will lead them to feel jilted and victimized when
informed that you just can’t fulfill their requests. But as an energy vampire they
will either attempt to guilt you into giving in to them or they will seek out
others who they feel they can drain life from.
Energy sucking people tend to behave in these manners when they lack the
understanding of how their own behaviors may result in many of the unpleasant
outcomes they face in their own personal lives, and they also may lack the knowledge
of how to work through problem solving processes themselves. Feeling as if they
have no control over their own lives can be frustrating to them, which produces
a cycle of negativity as they struggle with feeling helpless, angry, victimized
and confused about the their circumstances.
Their inability to solve problems in their personal life may have stemmed from having others stepping in and doing things or making decisions for them. Though this may seem helpful, this actually creates a bad cycle; rather than learning how to take care of things on their own, they come to feel incapable of doing such and become reliant on others to take care of their problems for them. Of course, if things don’t turn out the way they like, then it also makes them feel that they don’t have to take responsibility for the results and to place blame on the one that took charge of the matter.
You can begin to see how this
creates a life of chaos for them and how it begins to tear down and frustrate
those who are around them.
How can you handle energy draining people?
If you happen to spend time with someone who is an energy vampire, you may have realized how spending time with them may leave you feeling exhausted, frustrated, discontent and unproductive as you deal with them and their constant demands, negativity and problems. Here are some steps to help you to deal with those in a healthy manner.
rather than getting pulled in to their chaos, come to recognize the behaviors that
drain life from you and what they are trying to gain from such. Often, they
could use some guidance or support in handling their own issues. When you realize
what they really need, you can choose to direct them in achieving the results
for themselves rather than relying on others. They are often not even aware of
their behaviors, how to recognize their own emotional needs, or even realize
that they can solve a problem themselves by changing their habits or routines. So
this may require some delicate discussions as you point out their behavior and provide
some firm and detailed directions as you educate and push them into taking
responsibility for themselves. Of course, if you’re dealing with abusive
people, take caution in how you approach this, as the goal here is to ease
the effects of a life sucker, not increase them.
Put down some personal boundaries for yourself.
If you find that the discussion of a life sucker are leading into negative topics that begin to feel energy draining, you can choose to let them know that you do not feel like participating in that discussion; redirect the conversation to something more positive; remove yourself from the discussion all together; or offer up solutions that direct them to create a better outcome for themselves.
are able to do so, set limitations on times you will spend with an energy
vampire. Some people, even energy sucking people, are great to spend time with…
if kept within a certain amount of time. Become aware of the limits when
pleasant socializing with someone becomes emotionally and energy draining and
choose to remove yourself at these times.
Learn to say no or at least set limits when it comes to constantly giving to those who repeatedly seem to need your help. Help them to become more self reliant by directing them to learn how to fix their own problems and solve their own issues. Those who become reliant on others to fix their problems, never learn to fix them themselves; that is, unless they are placed in a position where they absolutely have to take on such responsibility. By constantly helping others, we keep them from learning and growing. Not only that, we take on more responsibilities and obligations than we really need to, which also serves to drain life from us. Say no, and watch how they suddenly figure out how to take care of things on their own.
Do not fall into the damaging belief that accepting a person means having to accept their negative behaviors. If someone’s behaviors are directly affecting you or your life in a negative way, you have every right to refuse to accept it. Don’t excuse negative behaviors with “oh, that’s just the way they are.” Resorting to people pleasing will only condone their behavior which will serve to wear you down even more over time and make you more susceptible to other energy sucking people and activities. An energy vampire is like a bottomless pit that can never be filled. It is not your responsibility to even try to fill them up. But it is up to you to discuss with them how their destructive behavior affects you, what your personal boundaries are and what the consequences of crossing those boundaries will be. (Be sure the consequence is something you can follow through with. Making strong, yet false threats will greatly backfire as a life sucker will learn to not take you or your threats seriously.)
If all else fails and the relationship does not seem able to become mutually fulfilling, you may choose to remove yourself from these narcissistic traits all together. Be sure that you are truly ready and strong enough to leave this relationship behind you. Because energy sucking people, especially abusive ones will attempt to guilt you or use other tactics to pull you back in. Get help or support in making this move if you feel you need it.
Take a look at your own habits with energy suckers. Do you constantly feel the
need to jump in and help others? Are you trying to fill some of your own needs or avoiding your own problems by attempting to fill the needs of others? Traits like these are often considered as
codependent behaviors. Evaluating your own habits may open your eyes to how those
with narcissistic traits may see you as easy prey for their energy sucking fulfillment.
Learning how to recognize and to change these habits can be the greatest way to
reduce the effects of energy draining people in your life.