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How to Find Yourself

Updated on August 23, 2010

An Inner Journey

Why is it when someone wants to “find themselves” they think that means they need to travel?  I myself have felt this urge before. I have heard people say they want to find themselves. Then they run off somewhere far from their problems and never face them.

First of all finding yourself is a cliché and psychobabble. I certainly believe that people need to explore their own beings and learn what makes them happy but this does not mean that they need to abandon all of their loved ones and go climb Mt Everest. I’m sure that some people have learned a lot about themselves by doing things like that but the journey is simply symbolic. They didn’t really learn from the journey. They learned from people they met and more importantly they learned by looking inside themselves. 

I have found out very much about myself by simple reflection and introspection. These things come easy for me, but I believe that anyone can achieve this with only a little effort. Introspection isn’t about sitting in a quiet room humming; it is just a matter of considering why you do what you.  What motivates you?

Most people don’t want to dig into their own psyche to answer these questions. It is uncomfortable when you start to see your own emotional issues staring back at you, but it is also very rewarding when you see yourself start to heal the wounds that you didn’t know you had.

I have traveled so far in the past couple of years but never even left my home. I simply start to question all the little things I do. The first big step forward for me was asking myself why I was not spontaneous. It wasn’t hard to figure out. It was because I was a control freak.

Now being a control freak is a very unhealthy issue. My apologies to those of you out there who are control freaks but you need to realize it and fix it or you will never know the freedom and happiness that comes with letting go. The good news is there is a very simple cure to this sickness. You simply do the opposite. You open your mind and just picture yourself holding on to a set of reigns very tightly and then visualize letting them go.  Then go do something completely spontaneous and uncharacteristic. Spend sixty dollars and get a massage or take an unplanned trip without even deciding where to go before you leave.

That is what true freedom feels like. I know that we all have responsibilities and we can’t just run around being spontaneous all the time but once in awhile just let it all go and make a radical decision.

Doing the opposite is usually the best thing for any of our little idiosyncrasies. That is why traveling the world to find yourself doesn’t work. You are always with you. Inside your mind is the you that is being sought. Running around and distracting yourself doesn’t work. You have to sit still and face your problems. Sometimes you even have to discover what your problems are first. No matter what you have to face them and deal with them. That is how you find yourself.


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    • Jnich2 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Thoughtforce it sounds like we are similar people. You have to lose control a little bit to enjoy life. :)

    • Jnich2 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      The thing I really didn't like about Eat Pray Love was the message it might send to people who were struggling in their marriage. The message I go was that YOU are bigger than then marriage and if you are unhappy with a good mate then you should leave them. Her husband in the movie called her a quitter and that is exactly what she was. A selfish quitter. Overall I liked the movie though. Lol Sounds odd after I just blasted it.

    • thougtforce profile image

      Christina Lornemark 

      7 years ago from Sweden

      I agree with you, and I am a control freak myself! By small steps it is possible to be "cured". And the rewords are great, since you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. It´s importent to be as good as you can, for your one sake!Interesting hub!

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Izett 

      7 years ago from The Great Northwest

      great hub. I just saw the movie 'Eat Pray Love" and i said the same thing about the main character having to travel and ask everyone to help her find herself.

    • Jnich2 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      I think if you do travel it will be very educational. I'm not against travel I'm very pro travel. It is an awesome experience and can help to mold us just like all our other experiences. I'm sure many people feel the same way you do about traveling to find themselves but that is merely a desire for new experiences. Finding yourself is not about friends or experiences, it is about you. self awarness is completely non materialistic. And finding yourself is a cliche like I said before. You can't find yourself you just become more self aware. You ARE yourself and if you don't like what you are then you have to change it.

      Travel might help with that if only to help you clear your mind and help you focus. I have found when I travel though I get so caught up in what is going on that focus does not come easy. In my own experience I can focus better if I am all alone at home with no distractions. Everyone is different though.

    • profile image

      monica lewis 

      7 years ago

      I understand what you're saying--totally. However, I am one of those people that wants to travel to find myself. I think that the journey -- to anywhere -- does help you see yourself differently. How do you react to new situations? New people? Maybe you will see or experience things that you never knew you loved or enjoyed. Maybe you will find whole new pieces of yourself that you never knew existed. Maybe you have been living a lie all these years. Maybe.

      But how can you possibly know if you never go SOMEWHERE to experience SOMETHING? That is why people want to travel. Especially in the midwest, people get stuck in the way they do things, experience things. Everything stays the same and we never question it, but there is an entire world of ideas and experiences that exist outside of us. Maybe we would love to be a part of those things, even for a minute of our lives. How will we know if we never try to see it in a different way than our limited experiences?

      I am a person who indulges in self-reflection on a frequent basis, but I still believe that travel is the only thing that will help me be sure that I am a grounded, satisfied, and truly fulfilled human being. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I'm just not a control freak. LOL But I look forward to what I may find WITHIN MYSELF when I travel to new places. I can't wait to discover it all.


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