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How to Forgive-Due Diligence

Updated on May 7, 2016

Forgive and You shall be Forgiven

Most people are aware of the phrase, "Forgive others so that you may be Forgiven." This is usually more easier said than it can be done. As we precede through life, there will be many hurts, pains, and offenses that we will encounter. Some of these encounters will hurt more than others. Many of them will stick with us for a lifetime. Debilitating us from accomplishing our dreams and desires. It is with the utmost importance that we understand how to handle these hurts, pains, and offenses earlier on and thoroughly to ensure they won't make us bitter. Bitterness is a result of un-forgiveness at its' highest point.

How did I Learn this Principle

In 2004, I had a very traumatic event occur, my 5 week old son died from SIDS. I was so traumatized, distraught, and unsure about what life had in store for me, and out of this anguish, I began to blame a lot of people, places, and things, that had nothing to do with the event that had occurred. I was not in a place to forgive anyone for anything, or everything. At that time, I was praying to GOD about a number of issues surrounding this experience when all sorts of other past hurts entered into the picture. The pain at that time was unbearable to the point I wanted either to get my child back, or die! The Lord Jesus Christ began teaching me how things build up in us over time, and he chose stones as a tangible model for me to grasp this concept. The Lord began to teach me about how I must, and can, start forgiving these people, places, and things in order to free myself from the internal toxins that were slowly killing me on the inside out, and had absolutely no affect on those whom have created them.

Why Should We Forgive

These toxins work on your mind, body, and soul producing many of the ailments we encounter in our lives. The amount of unforgiveness or bitterness we carry within, is going to determine how you handle your life, and others as they enter and exit from your life. This will determine whether you will or will not push to accomplish your goals and your dreams. It affects how you view yourself, the world, the people in the world.

It has been proven that it takes more energy to frown than to smile, and this should tell people that it would probably take more energy to be bitter than to be content. The benefits of forgiveness are too numerous to name, but the rewards from doing so are uncountable. Also, if I haven't mentioned that whatsoever a person think in their mind, this is what you really will become, no if's, and's, or but's about it. The mind is a powerful tool and we can choose to use it to our benefit, or we can let it lead us to destruction. The choice is yours for the making.


The Principle of Forgiveness

Okay, Let us begin. Take a look at the photo above of the multi-colored various shaped pebbles and rocks. Some of these rocks are small, some are big, others are smooth and some are jagged. This represent how our we store different hurts, disappointments, offenses, and let-downs in life. This is also how bitterness look once it's formed. "How did it get like that?" you ask. This is how it begins:

1. When a person hurt you, you have a bad experience in a place, and/or a thing has caused harm, it creates a pebble in a shade of color in your heart. So, if Peter hurt you by calling you a name, you develop a pebble with the identity of name calling, associated with Peter and the color of green.

2. At this point it's a small grain of a pebble. If Peter continue to call you names, that specific pebble will grow from a grain to a bigger grain. Now if Peter continues his hurting cycle and starts cheating on you, you develop another grain that attaches to the pebble that's identified with name calling. Each time Peter introduces a new hurt, you develop a new pebble, but in the process, if Peter keeps hurting you in the same area, that specific pebble grows into a rock with a level of color to reflect that pain.

3. Now, if you have removed Peter from your life, it still doesn't remove the effect of what Peter has done, so, now when you meet or hear the name Peter, it conjures up an reaction that is not warranted. It works the same way with a thing or place, but this is called fear, which is another association that branches off from unforgiveness. That's a topic for another article on another day.

4. As you progress through life, bad things attach themselves to a corresponding pebble that has an identity attached to it like, lying, cheating, stealing, abuse, mistrust, even addictions, thus making it grow larger and harder to get rid of. Over time, the pebbles turn into rocks, and the rocks turn into boulders and are embedded in your heart. This is why the Lord Jesus tells us not to let our hearts be hardened for the issues of life flow from the heart. Eventually, you develop many piles of rocks and boulders from various people, places, and things.

How to Clear a Path

Now, that I've outlined how un-forgiveness builds up inside and around your heart, the next logical step is, "How do I remove it or clear the path to forgiveness?" You simply start where you're at by professing your forgiveness of the person. Of course you won't feel like you've forgiven the person, but trust me, you'll get to total forgiveness. It will take some effort on your part to continually remind yourself when you feel that old pain trying to rise up inside of you, and you must quickly state you will not hold on, but I forgive it, them, whatever it is.

Once you feel okay about this thing, and I do mean it will take time, it won't burden your mind as much. Now, it will come up again, but in a different way as time go by. This will occur because there are other pebbles and rocks attached that you have forgotten about that will need forgiveness. In order to be fully filled with forgiveness, all excess pebbles, stones, boulders must be forgiven. If you remember this, you won't feel that sting as bad when you think of that person, or hear that person's name. I know this sounds simple, but it really is how it work. Once you understand the reason it may bother you for a while the more control you have.

Does this help explain why hurt keeps coming back?

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Try the principle then tell me how you feel.

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