ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Facing Verbal Bullies

Updated on April 15, 2018
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long practically oriented student of effective emotional and attitudinal responses to the many challenges of life.

What Is That Scared Child Seeing with Our Adult Eyes?
What Is That Scared Child Seeing with Our Adult Eyes?

A Terribly Misread Situation

Sometimes a good and relevant quotation may be the best way to start a text that's meant to inspire. One that comes to mind is a Latin saying: "Si duo faciunt idem---non est idem"; or in English: "If two (people) are doing the same---is not the same".

Adding an example to it---think of two dudes facing a bully and seemingly reacting the same way to his silly antiques by just passively taking it without responding in any way.

One of them is doing it out of a paralyzing fear and completely intimidated, cooking in his own oils inside and hating himself for not being able to mobilize some gutsiness to put the idiot in place.

The other, apparently doing the same, is actually feeling sorry for the jerk, with a sort of an attitude of a male nurse at a psychiatric ward observing him and thinking how badly he needs these cheap victories to feel good about himself.

If you are identifying yourself to any degree to that first dude, the time may have come for you to junk that dark obsessing about "what might happen out of that". The example of these two dudes clearly shows how not responding to a bully does not automatically make you look like a coward, so why feel like one?

Moreover, if anyone is a coward there it is the bully, because he is so loaded with insecurities that he is desperate to compensate for them by bullying others. So, let me put it this way---All along you have been beating on yourself for nothing, because all those past bullies needed a therapy more than you did.

Remember, it's a simple fact of human psychology that it's absolutely impossible to have a need to bully others without being emotionally unstable. Such a person doesn't need a "lesson that he will never forget", he needs a good therapy.

And you are probably not up to volunteering to be the one, so just drop the whole thing as a misread situation back there when someone instilled into your survival instinct this unnecessary fear.

Look at That Pink Little Chunk of Brain---It's Pretty Much Ruling This World
Look at That Pink Little Chunk of Brain---It's Pretty Much Ruling This World

An Overactive Limbic Brain

Let's go a little to the brain mechanics of that fear, because that may further help to drop this uneasiness about bullying.

Actually, it's quite possible that a bullying by an intimidating parent, a sibling or a classmate hit a fertile soil somewhere long ago; and we are talking about a general predisposition of ascribing too big a significance to emotions.

Roughly mapping the brain for our purposes, there is a limbic part, responsible for our survival and generating aggression and fear as two main emotions---popularly called fight/flight mechanism in all self-help literature.

Well, we are all different, and so we experience the hierarchy of our mental forces in a different manner---some giving this limbic brain more importance than the others. Some of us simply spend our life "present" in that brain function, that's how they are impressed by their emotions catering to their psycho-physical survival.

Others, however, are more present in their neo-cortex, prone to be more pro-active than re-active, to observe and to decide upon a most rational line of responses, while not taking a counsel from their limbic excessive reactiveness to life.

So, we could say that in their particular hierarchy of mental forces their emotionality is not running their show.

It's somewhat unfortunate truism about our world that the great majority of humans are at the limbic side of the scale, meaning that their lives are to one degree or another determined by the way their primordial part of the brain is dictating it.

Limbic brain can be, and generally is so much of a boss in our heads that it contaminates our logicalness, so that we create all kinds of illusions about possible threats and outcomes, along with some corresponding strategies to deal with them.

This brings us to this equally illusionary threat of bullying. It will enormously help any sufferer if they cut through that crap and once and for all realize how their brain has been playing dirty tricks on them for quite a while.

In the circles of brain scientists it is a well known fact that brain plays all kinds of tricks on us, and so much more than we may ever realize. Unfortunately, whatever we experience in the theatre of our mind we readily accept as real, and the threat of bullying---at least the verbal one---is far from being an exception.

It computes some most irrational beliefs, impressions and attitudes---when allowed to. Oftentimes it's enough to turn the light of consciousness on so that all those scary shadows disappear. And such is exactly the case with this fear of bullying.

"Bull's Eye" Doesn't Need to Be "Hit" for the Winning Tips to Be There.
"Bull's Eye" Doesn't Need to Be "Hit" for the Winning Tips to Be There.

A Bully Disarmed

Nothing disarms a bully like a steady and calm resting of your eyes on his eyes and that shadow of a Mona Lisa smile on your face, while he doesn't know what to make of it.

As he is preying for any signs of your being intimidated---and he is not seeing or hearing any--- he is bound to use something of a "bigger caliber". Namely, since he wants you to talk, to say something in your defense, he must ask you a mocking question to get something out of you.

And then he gets another blow because you are still not saying anything and just shifting your resting eyes from his mouth to his eyes, back and forth, as if studying, analyzing him.

Bullying is usually done with witnesses around, because he needs an audience for his "superiority". Your pro-active and conscious choice of your behavior simply glows with its willful vibrations, and before he is fully aware of it, his audience is seeing a complete idiot in him.

It's next to ridiculous to assume that he would escalate his verbal assaults into a physical one, because that only happens with school kids. Grownup bullies stick to "more civilized forms", like sarcasm, mocking, name calling, scapegoating, and ridiculing. And all that is just something that a bully uses to feed his ailing ego.

Remember Mahatma Gandhi and his teaching of a passive resistance which defeated one mighty British Empire. What especially helps is this rewiring of our brain from excessive limbic to neo-cortex neural pathways is the realization that no one can walk into our head.

Think about it for a moment, and get impressed with this fact as I am---whatever is happening in your personal space is of your own make, there are no damn phantoms pressing on some buttons in there and "making you" feel this or that way.

And after having realized that fear of bullying is nothing but a bag of shadows, it's important that you humbly admit that you did it to yourself, and now you are using that same power to undo it.

Both your limbic and your neo-brain are yours and yours alone to operate, exactly like your hands. I have proven to myself times and times again that with a simple, although somewhat "enlightened" intent it is possible to choose our ways of emotional dealing with life's demands.

Emotional Freedom Is Not About Going With the Flow---but Creating One Deliberately
Emotional Freedom Is Not About Going With the Flow---but Creating One Deliberately

Emotional Sovereignty

Just because people and textbooks are not talking about it, and you don't hear about it from your friends over a cup of coffee---it doesn't mean that emotional sovereignty is an outlandish task.

Decades ago I started thinking out of the box and never regretted it. On the contrary, thanks to that intellectual freedom my life is an adventure even while I am standing by the window and watching the cars passing below. My day doesn't need a special entertaining feature so that I would feel entertained.

These days I am even watching the news from the American political arena and having fun. Listen folks, I am not asking you to believe me, but I'll share it with you just the same---the whole outside reality is nothing but a state of mind and we have the power to be in a director's seat in that theatre of our mind.

If you want to go a little more philosophical and induce a good dose of mystery into the whole game called life---everything is just a virtual reality, like a simulation. The good news is that you don't have to wait for the quantum theorists to prove it one way or another, because you can start right now, by choosing how you interpret every aspect of your reality. Magnify this, discard that, turn the mind's volume knob down to get rid or that constant mental chat in there...do anything, it's yours to use.

I have used that old truism many times before, and I'll use it again, because it's so relevant to this topic---Mind is an obedient servant---but a cruel master. Really folks, why allow our limbic brain to parade so much with all those fears over our surviving? Let me give it to you straight---you are already surviving, and not one bit "because you never stood up to a bully"---so why all that fear.

Who are the bullies of your life? There is only one---right between your ears in your lower brain, and he is there only for as long as you want him there to keep validating an illusion.

You choose. It's your mind. It has always been.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 

      13 months ago from Oklahoma

      Interesting perspective.

    • Rachel L Alba profile image

      Rachel L Alba 

      13 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

      Hi Val, In your paragraph "A Bully Disarmed", is excellent advise. I could really see how looking right back at him or her would shake their confidence. My husband was never very tall and as a kid he was bullied all the time, even way back when; until one day he got tired of it and stood up to the bully and showed he was ready to fight. He never actually had to because this big bully backed off. Thanks for this advise.

      Blessings to you.

    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Vladimir Karas 

      13 months ago from Canada

      John, my friend---In more than one instance I contemplated an "early retirement" from writing more articles. (I somewhat expressed it in my recent poem "Vendor of Joy"). But it was for the rare comments like this one from you that I always continued.

      Thank you, my friend, for this writing incentive; I am truly happy that you found an inspiration in this article.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      13 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Great stuff, Val. I needed to read this for a reason too long or difficult to explain. It does involve an online altercation with another person..and an attempt at psychological bullying in a way. You have helped me redirect my thinking and take control of the situation, so thanks.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)