How to Heal and Move Forward After a Miscarriage
Allow Yourself to Grieve... You've Experienced a Loss
I suffered 2 miscarriages in 2015, in the span of only a few months, so I know what you're going through. Miscarriage is confusing, scary, sad, and often times, lonely. What was once a very exciting time filled with joyful expectations, has turned into just the opposite. You are probably experiencing a wide range of emotions, and that's okay. Let yourself be grieved, and don't hold back your feelings of sadness, because what you experienced was a real and genuine loss. Don't bottle up your feelings inside, but also don't allow yourself to despair of all hope. In your sadness and grief, remember: You'll get through this.
Connect with Women Who Understand
One thing that really helped me heal from my losses was to connect with other women who had also experienced a miscarriage. When my husband and I told our friends at church what happened, we were shocked by the overwhelming response of women in the church who told one or both of us about their stories and experiences. They hugged us, cried with us, wrote us cards, and prayed for us. Their positive encouragement and reminders to keep hoping in God really helped me not to become depressed. I also connected with friends on Facebook who assured me that they had had a miscarriage (or miscarriages) and had gone on to have successful births, and that everything would be OK. Knowing there were other women out there who understood and had reached the other side of the whole thing, made me feel confident that I could make it through, too.
Stay in Prayer and Bible Study
During my first miscarriage, God gave me the verse, "I am with you always", not just once, but three separate times. Once, I heard it on the radio in a sermon, then my mom quoted it to me, and then I saw it in an image on the internet. I cannot emphasize enough how important it was for me to remember that God was with me during that very difficult time. Staying connected to God through prayer and personal Bible Study (and Bible studies with other believers as well) is so important.
- You're not alone. About 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage
- You will get through this. Many women have experienced this before you and are there to encourage and help you
- Remember grief goes in cycles, not a straight line. Some days will be better than others, but you will make it through!
- If you need help, reach out to a friend, parent, pastor, or counselor
- Consider getting testing done to ease your mind and also possibly correct any issues
- Remember, chances are good that there is nothing you could have done differently. I know it's hard, but don't blame yourself!
- In the middle of grief, remember, where there was great love, there is great grief in loss. It is OK to cry. Reach out to me in the comments, I'm here for you if you need me!
- Jesus loves you. Psalm 30:5 ~ "...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing (joy) comes in the morning." Hang in there!
Be Honest with God. Be Real. Let Him Comfort You
During my second miscarriage, I was praying in the car while driving. I was crying out to the Lord, asking Him why He allowed this to happen. I was very candid with Him. I didn't hold back my feelings. He knows them already! Instantly when I prayed, the story of Lazarus popped into my head. Jesus could have healed Lazarus while he was alive, but He intentionally waited 3 days, until he died. Lazarus' sisters had sent for Jesus, but he didn't make it in time. When Jesus did get there, Martha said to him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died..." (John 11:21) The sisters were no doubt wondering why Jesus had allowed this tragedy. He could have stopped it. He could have kept Lazarus from dying. Yet, Jesus had a greater plan. He raised Lazarus from the dead and in doing so, glorified the Father, and many people were able to see Jesus perform that miracle. I think on that day, when that story popped into my head as I prayed, God was gently reminding me, "Yes, I could have prevented this. Yes, I allowed this in your life. I know you can't see it now, but I have a greater plan." Although it is sometimes hard not to become bitter and angry, staying in God's Word and in prayer helps me to humbly accept that He has a greater plan, even in the sorrows of life. Remember, in the story of Lazarus, "Jesus wept." (John 11:35). We do not have a Savior who is not familiar with grief or sorrow. Why did Jesus cry, when he knew He had a greater plan, and He knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead? May I venture to say, Jesus wept because he loved Lazarus, and because he loved his friends and He was grieved because they were sad. God's Word says He catches our tears in His bottle (Psalm 56:8) and one day God promises to wipe all the tears from our eyes. In heaven, there will be no more sorrow, no crying and no death. We don't serve a God and Savior who is uncaring or unsympathetic to our sorrows. On the contrary, even though He knows He will make all things right in the end, He still grieves with us and He still mourns with us. Know that God loves you and cares about you in the midst of your sadness, and He has plan to comfort you and bring you through, if you place your trust in Him!