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How to Overcome Severe Confidence Issues

Updated on February 16, 2014

Why Confidence Issues and Dangerous and Must be Overcome

Severe confidence issues are very dangerous, especially at some crucial times in one's life such as childhood and adolescence. These periods are periods of character building and development, and it is much harder to build confidence and character later on in life. People need to learn to love and accept themselves as soon as possible in order to lead healthy lives.

In the previous article, How to Show Confidence, we have discussed ways and means to show and exude confidence in case it is lower than it should be. This article will deal with more severe cases of people who have little to no self-confidence, and even people who hate themselves and their lives.

The problems which arise when people reach the confidence pits - the lowest of lows of self-esteem and self-respect - are so dangerous and overwhelming that this person becomes trapped in a vicious circle or self-hatred and self-pity. These are the two most destructive emotions one can feel toward themselves.

People who have little to no self-confidence sometime even repel others simply because they show that they are hopeless and at a low that may be incorrigible. The thing is, no one wants to fight your battles for you, and no one will. No matter how much they want to or how much they care - only a person in question can work their way up emotionally. And only if they are determined.


Self-hatred and self-pity

Do you hate the way your body looks? Do you think you are not smart enough? Beautiful enough? Do you think that you will fail at everything you try in life? Do you feel like a mistake? Here is one very important trick - whatever your answers to these questions are, they are true. All of them.

If you think you will fail if you try to do something, trust me, you will inevitably fail. If you are searching for flaws, you will find them everywhere on your body, in your surroundings and you will even think that your mind is abnormal. That's the way things work. You create your world.

But if you think that you are good enough to do this or that, and if you feel good trying, then you are good enough. It's the way it is - we feel things for ourselves and see things from our own perspective, and whether we choose to look at ourselves through a lens of pity and hate, everything that happens around us is really our fault in the end.

When you pity yourself, you seek validation from your environment, and the environment usually consists out of people who have a full cap of their own issues. No one will want to fix you, compliment you or help you out unless you are positive. People who pity and hate themselves repel others and always look like they only want attention.

And while it is hard to break this pattern of behavior, there are some good ways to do it and we will mention them in the subsequent parts.

Stop surrounding yourself with negative people - now!

The worst thing that can happen to a person who has severe confidence issues is being surrounded by negative people who see things from a gloomy perspective and radiate depressing energy.

We can say all we want, but when someone negative is near us, our mood and will to do something useful and beneficial decrease. It's the opposite case when we are in a company of an energetic and positive person, as that energy literally infects us and we suddenly get the urge to do something constructive.

Negative people can be very hard to avoid in case they are our work colleagues and family members, but we can always limit our communication with them. Never discuss your dreams and aspirations with a negative person - they will immediately point out anything and everything that can go wrong and express their skepticism. This is an excellent way to feel generally demoralized and for your confidence to plummet even further.

Surround yourself with positive people - they will pass on some of that energy to you. Mention your aspirations to them and they will have something nice to say for sure. Their confidence will rub off on you.


What inspires you?

We all have things we love, enjoy and things that inspire us. We admire some people who made their dreams come true and respect others who have built excellent careers, lead harmonic family lives and radiate contentment. Instead of envying them on a deep rooted level, we need to be inspired by their success and strive to be even better.

Some of us feel a state of great happiness when we observe art in museums, some of us listen to music to feel good, and some of us enjoy doing one sport of the other. It does not matter what it is as long as it makes you feel good. Surround yourself with art and music that make you feel good, go for a run, take a painting course, whatever makes you feel happy and confident about what you are doing - and savor the feeling. Be inspired by it.

Even having an inspirational quote on your wall is a good idea. Every time you feel low, read it and let the words sink in slowly.

Stop setting unrealistic goals

Setting an unrealistic goal can destroy your confidence, literally. You cannot run a marathon if you have not been running and gradually preparing your body for enduring miles of running. You cannot be perfect at your first week at a new job. Start thinking about things as if they were stairways.

If you wish to gain a lot of confidence, it will help if you set small goals that are simple to accomplish, and in the long run you will see how many complicated things you managed to finish when breaking them down. Make lists in the beginning if necessary - every thing you successfully do should be crossed out. Feel accomplished and let your confidence grow.

Stop living in the past

What you did in the past, even the things you failed doing, made you a person who you are today. Perhaps if something was done differently, today you would be a person you would not like at all. Sometimes the best way to avoid making the same mistakes is going through a lot of hardship.

Do not dwell on unhappy moments - think about all the good stuff, and don't think that they were not many positive experiences in your past. You are just blind to them now.

Stop justifying yourself to others

People who have little to no confidence often feel the need to explain everything they have done to others, as if they owed them that. This is an ultimate sign of insecurity and lack of confidence, so stop justifying your moves to people. If no one asked you, if you bother them with your explanations, they will figure out that you are severely insecure in two seconds.

Sometimes do things simply because you feel like it, and don't be afraid to say that. Everyone has their own reasons, and so do you. You have the right to call them your own.

Stop attributing good things to luck

A person that is not very confident may tend to attribute their small and large victories to luck. They may say that it was luck that landed them that job, or that they are so lucky their spouse even looked at them. This is not a good thing and it is definitely not the truth.

Whatever good you have in your life, you deserved it. You deserved that job, that good grade in school, the promotion you got, and you made your spouse look at you because you has that special something no one else did. It was not luck. Keep that in mind.


No one is perfect, but certain people seem to dwell on their imperfections way too much. People who lack confidence are constantly in danger of being bullied, used by others and even degraded. This should never happen, but it does.

In the text above we have discussed several changes of behavior that need to take place immediately if a person should hope to gain confidence and build it. Building it will take time, but the groundwork can be done today. It's up to everyone to decide if they are going to be whetever they want to be, or sit in a corner and just exist.

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      vero 3 years ago

      Thanks for ur great advice

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      edas.....I should start out with a confession. I spotted this title and obviously gleaned an erroneous impression. I translated "severe confidence" as confidence (in the positive sense ) to an outrageous degree.

      That would be me. Immediately I want to clarify that in my case....this is in no way related to a huge ego----which I do not possess.

      However, I don't believe I could have escaped becoming a very confident individual. It started I think, from birth. Seriously. My sister and I were taught this in so many various ways by both parents.....constantly. Our mother insisted we cultivate independence and self-reliance and learn to compete with ourselves. NOT each other, but she explained the importance of believing that whatever we did.....we needed to examine whether or not we might be able to attempt to do it BETTER next time.

      Our Dad was so knowledgeable and wise as well as extremely talented......and I think he felt his job was to help us prove to ourselves we could do anything a guy could do.....only better. LOL. Apparently he secretly wished for a son?

      So.....I read your hub anyway and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's really difficult for me to put myself in the place of a person who lacks confidence, or who is shy and introverted. It makes me sad though, and I would always cheer them on in their efforts to surmount this.

      You have done an amazing job in sharing positive suggestions and advice. Your information, I'm sure is a formula to success.

      Up+++ pinned & tweeted.

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      Chen 4 years ago

      Found this site randomly but this is a good read. Thank you