How to Remove the Poop Smell From the Bathroom
Defeating the Fecal Fragrance
What do you do if you need to remove that poopy smell when it really counts?
Let's say you've got a really hot date with a supermodel gymnast best-selling author. You're picking her up at her parents' mansion in the hills, but you're just eaten enough Taco Bell to feed six grown men and you're wondering how long you can delay the inevitable. You arrive, and the tummy rumbling kicks in. There's a natural disaster on it's way, and there's no stopping the oncoming ordeal. How do you boldly defile one of her parents' many bathrooms without making the dog vomit in the next room?
Lego People Need Toilets Too.
Or, maybe you just like to keep the bathroom smelling fresh when you're having guests.
Rest assured. Either way, there's a surefire systematic approach to remove that poop smell and defeating that fecal fragrance that will leave you strutting out of that commode as confident as ever. Let's begin.
The toilet lid is your friend.
After you've relieved yourself (which we will assume here that you are already proficient at), the first step is to close the toilet lid before you flush. This will trap the unsavory aroma and help to localize it within the confines of the porcelain bowl. You can get a lot of stench-preventing mileage out of this simple step just by itself. Lid closed? Alright. Now you're ready to flush!
Flush and light a match.
Flush the toilet, and give yourself a pat on the back. The next step is to light a match. Contrary to popular belief, lighting a match does not eliminate the poop smell or "burn the flatulence gases", but the sulfur dioxide created does sufficiently confuse your olfactory senses so the effect is the same as if it did. It's good form to leave a book of matches in your bathroom for guests, but if you've got a lighter on you a scented candle will help a bit as well.
Turn on the fan.
The next step is to get the air moving ASAP. Go ahead and search the panel of light switches for one that will turn on a fan or vent system, and flip that sucker on. The circulation will start to replace the frowny tainted air particles with smiley fresh ones. Congratulations, you're almost finished!
Use the soap.
Alright, we're in the home stretch. You've done your best so far to minimize the contamination, but there's more to be done. At this point you need to wash your hands. Not only is it good hygiene, but the smell of the soap will help to mask the aroma of the dirty deed. So go ahead and scrub them useful appendages, and let that foo foo almond-butter brown sugar vanilla soapy scent fill the air. If you feel like scaring your house guests away, you might enjoy stocking your bathroom with . Yeah. That exists. Corn Poop Shaped Hand/Bar Soap
Leave the door open.
All done? Dry your hands, and open the window to help with the air circulation. Open the bathroom door and leave it wide open to facilitate maximum air particle turnover. This may run counter to your natural instinct to leave the door closed. Trust us, leave it open. You've already done enough so that most of the smell should be gone. Now is the time to encourage the bathroom to air out.
You're done. Now walk out of there like a champ. For all anybody can tell at this point, you were just checking your cell phone the whole time you were in there.
Get Yer Magic Drops Right Hurr:
Japanese Deodorizing Toilet Drops
Another option that has recently become available for those fiercely embroiled in battle with the fecal fragrance is deodorizing toilet drops, courtesy of Japanese ingenuity. Before you use the toilet, you put a drop in the toilet and it eliminates the majority of odor. It's like Bean-o for toilets! They're cheap, easy to leave in the bathroom for guests in lieu of a book of matches, and your friends will think you're so hip and modern. Win.
Note: if you've just blown up the bathroom so bad that the walls are starting to sag, don't fret. There is hope. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you've done a number on the bathroom that you yourself can barely stand, it's time to steam clean that sucker. Take a hot shower with the fan running. Your date may think you're a bit nuts, but you can just tell her that you just came from the gym and needed to freshen up.
She'll still probably think you're a bit nuts.
If you know or live with someone who could really stand to take a hint, we've already done the work for you. Just send them this article!
Do you have any tips or tricks we missed? Share them below!
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