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How to Remove the Poop Smell From the Bathroom

Updated on February 17, 2013

Defeating the Fecal Fragrance

What do you do if you need to remove that poopy smell when it really counts?

Let's say you've got a really hot date with a supermodel gymnast best-selling author. You're picking her up at her parents' mansion in the hills, but you're just eaten enough Taco Bell to feed six grown men and you're wondering how long you can delay the inevitable. You arrive, and the tummy rumbling kicks in. There's a natural disaster on it's way, and there's no stopping the oncoming ordeal. How do you boldly defile one of her parents' many bathrooms without making the dog vomit in the next room?

Lego People Need Toilets Too.

My, what a cute little toilet.
My, what a cute little toilet.

Or, maybe you just like to keep the bathroom smelling fresh when you're having guests.

Rest assured. Either way, there's a surefire systematic approach to remove that poop smell and defeating that fecal fragrance that will leave you strutting out of that commode as confident as ever. Let's begin.

The toilet lid is your friend.

After you've relieved yourself (which we will assume here that you are already proficient at), the first step is to close the toilet lid before you flush. This will trap the unsavory aroma and help to localize it within the confines of the porcelain bowl. You can get a lot of stench-preventing mileage out of this simple step just by itself. Lid closed? Alright. Now you're ready to flush!

Flush and light a match.

Flush the toilet, and give yourself a pat on the back. The next step is to light a match. Contrary to popular belief, lighting a match does not eliminate the poop smell or "burn the flatulence gases", but the sulfur dioxide created does sufficiently confuse your olfactory senses so the effect is the same as if it did. It's good form to leave a book of matches in your bathroom for guests, but if you've got a lighter on you a scented candle will help a bit as well.

Turn on the fan.

The next step is to get the air moving ASAP. Go ahead and search the panel of light switches for one that will turn on a fan or vent system, and flip that sucker on. The circulation will start to replace the frowny tainted air particles with smiley fresh ones. Congratulations, you're almost finished!

Use the soap.

Alright, we're in the home stretch. You've done your best so far to minimize the contamination, but there's more to be done. At this point you need to wash your hands. Not only is it good hygiene, but the smell of the soap will help to mask the aroma of the dirty deed. So go ahead and scrub them useful appendages, and let that foo foo almond-butter brown sugar vanilla soapy scent fill the air. If you feel like scaring your house guests away, you might enjoy stocking your bathroom with Corn Poop Shaped Hand/Bar Soap. Yeah. That exists.

Leave the door open.

All done? Dry your hands, and open the window to help with the air circulation. Open the bathroom door and leave it wide open to facilitate maximum air particle turnover. This may run counter to your natural instinct to leave the door closed. Trust us, leave it open. You've already done enough so that most of the smell should be gone. Now is the time to encourage the bathroom to air out.

You're done. Now walk out of there like a champ. For all anybody can tell at this point, you were just checking your cell phone the whole time you were in there.

Japanese Deodorizing Toilet Drops

Another option that has recently become available for those fiercely embroiled in battle with the fecal fragrance is deodorizing toilet drops, courtesy of Japanese ingenuity. Before you use the toilet, you put a drop in the toilet and it eliminates the majority of odor. It's like Bean-o for toilets! They're cheap, easy to leave in the bathroom for guests in lieu of a book of matches, and your friends will think you're so hip and modern. Win.

Worst-case scenario.

Note: if you've just blown up the bathroom so bad that the walls are starting to sag, don't fret. There is hope. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you've done a number on the bathroom that you yourself can barely stand, it's time to steam clean that sucker. Take a hot shower with the fan running. Your date may think you're a bit nuts, but you can just tell her that you just came from the gym and needed to freshen up.

She'll still probably think you're a bit nuts.

If you know or live with someone who could really stand to take a hint, we've already done the work for you. Just send them this article!

Do you have any tips or tricks we missed? Share them below!

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    • Tonipet profile image

      Tonette Fornillos 5 years ago from The City of Generals

      Hello,

      This is interesting and amusing, but really very helpful and useful. We all needed these tips, thanks for this! :-)

      -Tonipet

    • profile image

      Steve 4 years ago

      Note: if you've just blown up the bathroom so bad that the walls are starting to sag...........

      still laughing some time after reading :)

    • profile image

      Hinj Boteju 4 years ago

      My name is Hinj and I am a chemist with a PhD.

      I swear this is the best method, although it is not safe.

      Take your cologne or perfume, and spray one or two bursts into a lit lighter or match. CAREFULLY...angled away from you.

      All smells are gone, with a pleasant lingering trace of the perfume. Works every time.

    • profile image

      WC-Avoider 4 years ago

      I think the best solution is by installing the WC-Avoider Shield restroom occupancy indicator! (when it reaches the market of course =) read www.ixbari.com

    • Bentspork profile image

      Mark 3 years ago from Canada

      say..does not opening the window change the washroom air pressure and defeat the ceiling fan /vent and cause the stench to roll out and down the hall for all to "enjoy" ?

    • profile image

      Cierria 2 years ago

      Well, I guess it's alright to leave the door open after you're done if you take steps prior to reduce the smell. I know someone whom I love, turns the exhaust fan on then leaves the door open. It may have gotten rid of them smell faster but as soon as the person opened the door, I could smell it....and I was all the way on the other side of the house,right by the front door. So, please make sure you do something more than turning the exhaust fan on before leaving the door open. I hear they don't really do much but move the smell around. A window might be better.

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