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How to Show Confidence

Updated on November 18, 2013

Self-confidence and its impact on our life quality and mental health

Confident people have it easier in life and this is a fact. Everyone wants to be self-confident and successful, and to exude that positive energy toward other people. We want to be regarded as successful and happy individuals who are good at what we do and content with what we are. But this is not very easy to achieve.

Granted, some people are naturals - they always seem content and they have that certain energy that drives them forward and makes them appear confident even when they are not in a very good situation. This is a bit ironic, because we also have the opposite scenario where we have a person that is not very confident succeeding at something, and exactly because they don't have that self-confidence and security about them, their success doesn't feel like anything special to others.

Being confident is hard, especially because we often feel bullied by our closest ones and pressured by our environments - there is so much to do that we don't have time to build a healthy level of self-confidence. This can be very dangerous, as there are cases where people are literally bullied by their peers, work colleagues and even family members. And even if they wanted to fight back, it is excruciatingly hard for them because their levels of confidence and self-esteem are low.

Building self-confidence is a process which is gradual and thus requires a lot of patience and work on our side. However, it is very rewarding in the end. People who manage to leave their old ways and stop doubting themselves in every aspect usually frown at their problems later on and are even angry with themselves for allowing these things in the past. It is all normal.

What isn't normal, though, is walking around frightened and insecure your whole life, analysing everything and wasting your time feeling inferior. This problem is very real, and very dangerous.

The good news is that even though self-confidence cannot be felt over night, it can be projected outwards and simulated. If you can alter certain behaviors and learn to send some subconscious signals to your environment, the feedback of that same environment will amaze you - and in turn make you feel confident as a final result.


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Step One - Make a promise to yourself

People who have problems with confidence and are bullied because of this often have problems with setting goals and achieving them. Therefore, the first step that needs to be made before starting to work on yourself is always giving a word to yourself that you will see this through until the end. You will get what you want and become confident about who you are and about what you do.

Everyone who is serious about building a healthy level of self-confidence must make this promise to themselves, and keep it. This person needs to be aware that there will be moments that are so painful and humiliating that it will seem that everything that they are doing for themselves is for nothing. This is why they must promise themselves that when they stumble and fall, they will rise immediately and shake the dust of their shoulder like nothing happened. Everybody stumbles.

So step one implies that a person must set the goal of achieving undefeatable self-confidence, and be perfectly prepared for any bumps in the road they might encounter.


Step Two - Monitor your posture

People who have difficulties with their levels of self-confidence usually sit and walk slouched and don't keep their head up high. This is a fact. If you know a very confident person, you will see that their body posture is more straight up and that this somehow projects their status. On a subconscious level, they exude leadership. They are not afraid.

Luckily, posture and body language are relatively easy to correct. Keep in mind that it might be awkward to force yourself to sit this way and walk that way, but over time it becomes second nature and we are able to stop keeping track of this. It's the same with body language. Try not to keep your hands crossed as this signals you are protecting yourself from something and always maintain strong eye contact.

Step Three - Stop caring what other people think

There is a sentence that can help you do this and here it is: "Most people don't like most people and they never will," so try to remember that whenever you are concerned about what others think of you. Do not be afraid to be who you are and show your preferences.

I once knew a person who was ashamed because she did not listen to the typical music everyone listened to at the time, so she thought she was weird. That way, she lost all of my respect, because if she was open about it, I am sure there would be at least several more people who would understand. The rest were not worth it anyway.

People need to be proud of who they are and what they like, and need to be able to tell other people that they like some things and that they wouldn't have it any other way.

This is also the case with people who have good opinions, but they are shy about them. They don't say them, and thus they lose out on good opportunities to meet new people or see new sides to people they already know. It's all an interesting game when you think about it - your opinion can open doors you need to go through and close the ones you don't need, but if you don't utter it - it really doesn't exist. No one can see into your mind.

Stop caring about what others think - unless they deserve it!


Step Four - Always accept compliments

Accept all the compliments with a gracious thank you. Don't struggle - don't say, "No, I am not beautiful," or "Ah, you must be joking." Never reject a compliment. Sure, you can say something along the lines of, "You're making me blush", but asking for validation by denying a compliment is a shout out to the world that says only one thing - I am insecure.

Step Five - Smile

If some people could see their own expressions that they make when interacting with others, they would have an "A-ha!" moment immediately. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. People need to feel that there is something wrong in their interactions and act accordingly.

However, this takes some confidence and it is quite prudent to observe how a confident person looks like when interacting. In fact, this needs to be observed from the sidelines. Pay special attention to their expression - notice how they seem to have at least that half-smile and how they generally seem pleasant. In fact, they seem like people you'd want to befriend or at least talk to. Interesting, no?

The thing is, there are situations that make a smile inappropriate, but a frown is generally never a good thing. Your facial expression and the look in your eyes can show your lack of confidence to others - and there are bad people who will bully you in some way if they see that. Keeping a half smile and a content face that doesn't give out anything will make for an excellent sign of confidence.

The best part, you can consciously practice this until you get used to it.

Confidence is your best defense

Your mental health and overall quality of life will inevitably suffer if your level of self-confidence is bad. If you do not respect yourself, chances are that a lot of others won't do that either.

So if you have this problem try to resolve it as soon as humanly possible. Go to step one, make a promise to improve your life and then work on it. No one should love and respect you more than your love and respect yourself.

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    • edas88 profile image

      Icarus 4 years ago


      I am happy you enjoyed the hub and that you think it's useful - this is actually my personal experience speaking. Much like yourself, I had no self-confidence at one point, and I have reached the lowest of lows when I decided everything needed to change. And it did! :)

    • PoeticPhilosophy profile image

      PoeticPhilosophy 4 years ago from Canada

      This a great hub! I had totally had my confidence shattered at one point and I still have a long journey ahead of me! This is great cause I wish everybody could be happy with themselves and appreciate one another. Amazing hub hope you continue to write awesome articles that can help people for the better :), voted up.