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How to accept that love and divorce are not exclusive

Updated on January 3, 2014

Sometimes we just cannot go there anymore

Truly we sometimes must leave something alone so it can get better.
Truly we sometimes must leave something alone so it can get better. | Source

Did you know Divorce is not just about endings?

Divorce and Love are two amazing subjects to study. They are not exclusive of each other. Try this on for size: "He was so addicted to his love of the game he had to divorce himself from it".We can understand this sentence. or, he loved the bird so much he had to let it go.

To normal people those make sense. Sometimes loving something is a good enough reason to leave something. I have know people that they call enablers that just had to divorce an addict.

Clearly in the case of abused spouses the abused must leave the abuser, not just for their safety but without that wake up call the abuser may never get better.

Marriage and divorce.

Marriage is the melding of two into one. Marriage is also an institution. Marriage is also a contract. For many Marriage is something done by God. To others as a matter of civil right. And to many it is a combination of much of the above.

Remember to marry ingredients in cooking is simply mixing them together to get a new flavor or add old to new.

So in a certain sense there can be no divorce in a marriage. You simply cannot erase a marrying that was founded in love. You may decide to cancel it moving forward and seperate the ingredients but the marriage in that sense is still there.

So if we set out to protect and defend a marriage as an institution either in a singe marriage or what is the definition then that is fine debate. But as between two individuals the institution or physical proximity is almost irrelevant.

And hence so is what we would call legal divorce. Divorce is when, for whatever reason, two separate from being one.It is not really a decision it just is.

What do you think

Regardless of legalities, have you been divorced.

See results

My roses are marrying

Really they are adopting some of each others colors
Really they are adopting some of each others colors | Source

US Constitution

Here is a divorce worthy of noting and probably there was still a lot of love there:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The notion of the separation of the three powers of Government is another triunal type divorce that makes sense.

Strange though it does not seem like the three branches love each other at all ;-)


If you think about it the constitution as a whole is kind of designed to divorce citizens from responsibility to government.

Think of addiction and love

Up above I used the concept: "He was so addicted to his love of the game he had to divorce himself from it"

Please notice here if you did not already question it. I put in that it was the 'love of the game' that he was addicted to and not necessarily the game.

In the past I was so co-dependent and empathetic without maturity that I would fall in love with love and the poor girls I would smother. My apologies here to all 200 of them ;-)

Addicted to love

A lot of Christians think Divorce is a sin.

Well I am really sorry for them but they are wrong. End of story. One church has it all set up to where the church can approve a "divorce" or "annulment" and they have a huge 200 million $ a year budget to administer this notion that two cannot divorce but the church can do it for them. (I really do not care what words they use it is divorce - only they just say by their power it never happened)

Now be wise here. No one likes a marriage divorce. But what I am saying is that "Divorce" by itself as a notion is not prohibited by the Bible. In fact it is provided for in the Bible. No less than twenty times.

Why might be another issue but it is that why that is a sin -- or probably not.

I hate divorce from anything!

Truly I am not a materialist. But I do get attached to persons, places and things. I am empathetic and yes a touch co-dependent. Am I addicted to them? Probably sometimes it would seem that way and I cannot argue with that or worry about it either.

But I do not like leaving. My family loves long good-byes. I hate them because I do not like leaving. So I XOXOXO and leave and wait elsewhere like in the car. That is just me.

But it only takes a bit and I am back on the road again looking forward to new things to love.

Love carries us through. Love holds us together regardless of the separation of our marriage to things. Please do not divorce because you do not love, no that is not a good reason. If you do not love that is an inside job. Not loving is about you and not a marriage. Find help and find love, and then if it is the way it is divorce and get back on the road again!

Stay focused on where you are going. And never leave a marriage without love in your heart.

Some fun quotes

If you know what your wife wants - get it for her. And oh, by the way you are either a genius or an idiot,,, there will be no middle ground on that!

Love is like a crying child, it just wants to be loved back.

Divorce is a two edged sword. It cuts in both directions, however it can also cut the ropes that bind you to where you need not be.

If you are willing to give your self in love there is no need to expect a return it will just happen.

Comments

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    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      An interesting topic about love and divorce though a divorce usually happens when one is in a loveless marriage.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Interesting and very useful.

      Eddy.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      DDE that is how we say it. But I think that if you cannot love the one you are with. You can't love and if you can't love that is about you and not the marriage.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      It is a hard one for even me to agree with all the way. It will be good to read it again in 6 mnths to see how I feel then.

    • delaneyworld profile image

      delaneyworld 3 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      I have been a year and a half following a 15 year marriage. I will love him beyond my dying day. He will do the same. We did not divorce because of love lost. We let go of one another because we recognized we were happier on our own. This continuation of love occurs because we both are working together for a good relationship, because we still need each other and so our daughter sees that sometimes change is necessary. This means that sometimes change is not a bad thing. It's not easy and it's not clean, but love can remain.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      That is lovely delaneyworld, My ex-wife and I did a great job raising 3 children after we understood it was better we did it apart. Love remains there this 23 years later. It is good.

    • delaneyworld profile image

      delaneyworld 3 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Thanks Eric. I did mean "I have been divorced for a year and a half" Sorry about that! Great Hub. I wrote a letter to my ex that I published here. I am glad that you and your ex are doing well also.

    • VVanNess profile image

      Victoria Van Ness 3 years ago from Prescott Valley

      My husband is learning a lot about letting go of his past divorce and trusting love again right now. This was a beautiful article Eric! :) Nice job!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      delaney, You and are not just the lucky ones but the ones that work at it.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      VVanNess, funny how that works. My ex and I get along fine but my bride took 8 years to get over her issues with her!!

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