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How to control your emotions? Be self controlled!

Updated on October 4, 2013

Emotional control!

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” – Lao Tzu

I was always prone to display anger and would immediately show my displeasure through my facial expressions. My sister is my exact opposite and no one can gauge her inner feelings or what she was thinking. Even if she did not like what others were doing, she would be dead pan and normal. I had always wondered at her ability to control her emotions.

‘How do you do it? I asked her. ‘I do not want to spoil my day by giving in to my emotions; I just close my mind to whatever that irritates me. I have lot more things to do than worry and fret about something I do not like.’ I was amazed at her attitude and I knew she was in control of her emotions whereas I was a slave to it. Now I have changed a lot and tired what she has told me with great success and I feel a lot better and relaxed.

Self control of emotions is the key to happiness and success in your life. When you dance to the tune of your emotions you can never have a moment of peace. Why is it so? Your emotions always want something to be done your way, but you cannot expect everyone to behave in a way you like. You have to adapt and adjust to how people behave with you.

When you feel angry at certain situations you face in life, what do you do? You want to let off your steam and show your anger in an open way, don’t you? It is because your inclination is always centered on your personal wishes and so you become self centered and lose your power of reasoning. What do you achieve by letting off your steam? Absolutely nothing, except lose your mental peace! Instead if you control yourself and handle the situation calmly, you show yourself as a person of impeccable character.

Where do you have to be self controlled?

  • In relationships
  • In your work place
  • While interacting with others
  • With your children

Self control in relationships

Do you know the top reason for failures in marriage relationships? It is complete lack of self control. Anger, depression, frustration, irritation and many emotions are part and parcel of any relationships. You cannot always be in perfect control of your emotions, can you?

But you cannot let these emotions dictate your married life. How will you feel when your spouse keeps showing his\her displeasure by slipping into angry tantrums? How will you feel when he\she shows abject depression and frustration and behaves in a sullen manner towards you? You will feel completely oppressed with your married life, won’t you? Your spouse too feels the same when you do not control your emotions.

But if are able to control your emotions and show your displeasure in a dignified and controlled manner your spouse respects and loves you for your reasonable behavior. Have you observed couples who have failed marriages behind them? If you do so, you will find that they were slaves to their emotions and did not think twice before spurting forth in words and actions that finally destroyed their marriage.

Self control in work place

Work is your livelihood and you spend most of your time there. But it is also a place which pressurizes your mental stability. You have to co -exist in peace with your colleagues, suppress your temper with your high officials and sometimes meekly submit to the unreasonable demands from the management.

You have to put on a facade of a good and amiable behavior to be successful in your work. How many times have you felt that you are not given your due by the management? Many a time you feel your talent is overlooked and you are overworked. Can you just go to them and let them know what you have in your mind. You cannot, can you? If you do so you will be out of your job. So you control your anger and frustration and strive hard to be successful.

This is when self control of your emotions comes in very handy. When you are able to master your emotional outbursts and present yourself as a person who will not give in to flare-ups of anger and irritation, you win the respect of your colleagues and the management.

Self control while interacting with others.

You meet so many people in your life daily. Do all of them behave in a manner that pleases you? No, they don’t. People often rub you the wrong way and you are taken aback by the rude behavior they display. How do different people irritate you in different ways?

  • Sales person who look bored when showing you things
  • People who do not care to stand in a queue
  • People who behave as though they own the public place and cause a ruckus

These are just a few examples of the different types of people you meet. Do you always counter such people with outburst of anger? You just ignore them, don’t you? Does it mean you do not have a mind of your own? Not at all! These people do not play any role in your life and so do not deserve any serious attention and so you control your emotions and let them off your mind.

Self control with your children

Lack of self control is the major reason for generation gap you experience with your children. You want to demonstrate your dominance by showing your anger at their petty misdemeanors. It makes your children resent you.

Your intention is always good as you do not want your children to commit mistakes which might jeopardize their life. But you do it the wrong way. You let go your self control and behave like a dictator, but sadly it does not get any positive reactions from your children as they are against your frenzied outbursts. When you control your emotions and reason with them, your children think that they have a friend in you.

‘If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.’- Benjamin Franklin

Your life is actually an amalgam of emotions. If you react negatively to other people’s negative approach, you plunge your life into negative despair. But when you control your emotions and when you have total control over it, you gradually have total control over your life also.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Thank you, passionate for the visit. Have a great day.

    • passionate77 profile image

      passionate77 4 years ago

      very insightful post mathira dear, really so helpful tips and ideas for self control. thanks for sharing such a lovely hub, million blessings ahead dear!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      I think self control forms the foundation for our success in life and work. Thank you denise.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Self-control is the only control that works! It is definitely a plus to have it both in the workplace and on the home front. The person who controls it at work, but lets it go at home ends up very miserable indeed! Great advice!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Eiddwen, thank you for your encouraging comments.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Bishop55, thank you.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      jainismus. thanks for sharing.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Interesting and very useful Mathira. Thanks for sharing and enjoy your weekend.


    • Bishop55 profile image

      Rebecca 4 years ago from USA

      Voted up and shared too! Very helpful indeed!

    • jainismus profile image

      Mahaveer Sanglikar 4 years ago from Pune, India

      These are very useful tips.

      Shared with followers.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Thank you, elle64.

    • elle64 profile image

      elle64 4 years ago from Scandinavia

      Fantastic hub- great knowledge there.