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How to cut like a knife with words. Perhaps talking about it might be a good idea. Bullies?
No good hiking road is straight or flat
Sticks and Stones....
So the old saying goes "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" Have you ever heard so much rubbish? Words can hurt us deeply. Sometimes they should. Usually it is not good to hurt someone with words. Because usually it is not good to hurt someone at all.
There is another old saying; "The best lie is one that is part truth". And that is a proper and right saying. Although we have to stretch our thoughts to think of one lie as better than the next.
So if you want to cut someone deeply with words start with some truth and then twist it and grow it. Here is a great example. A friend confides in you a secret about a feeling you have toward someone else. Then that friend not only discloses the confidence but does it in a way that is calculated to shame you and make it bigger than it is. Now we have all had that done to us and sadly we probably have all done it to some degree.
See -- look at that! We are shedding some light in an area we do not discuss much because quite frankly it is too painful or too shameful. That is the goal here. Let us talk about it and take some of the sting away and hopefully also learn what we really should not do.
Can you handle the truth?
Do you realize your pain with words is your decision?
Here are areas that we should leave alone in any kind of public speech.
Someone else's infirmity. And it does not need to be something really wrong, just a life deal that should be kept private except for the person who has the something.
If you are a man, and you want your woman to dump you real fast and real hard do this. The next time there is a heated argument blame it in some way on her menstrual cycle. And women if you want to drop kick your relationship into the next state the next time you have a heated argument say; "If you were a man you would......"
Here is a special one. Life partners are having relationship problems so party a goes to see a therapist and invites party b but party b refuses. Next time there is a heated argument party b says to the effect "you are the one who has to see a doctor". Clearly b should be at the doctor more than a.
These cut deep. So first let us look at how to make them not cut deep. Life is going to happen but suffering is normally optional. The obvious answers are, do not trust anyone and get skin so thick you do not care. Both are really bad ideas. So how do you take the sting out --- drink heavily!!! Again not a good idea.
Sorry here is the disgusting answer. Let it hurt. Bleed a little. Then heal. Work it through within you not outside of you. Do not look to what was said but look to why it hurt you. Here is a secret that you cannot tell anyone else. I get hurt because of my self doubt and insecurity. If you know me well enough to go for one of those jugular veins I am a gonner.
Me, I get high with a little help from my friends
Now how do we keep from doing this?
We almost cannot help ourselves when we feel victimized ourselves. It takes a whole lot of effort and self control and love to keep these sharp knives we have at our disposal from cutting someone who just cut us.
No one is really all that 100% confident in their political, faith and love beliefs. If they claim to be "me thinks they do protest too much". None of us are fully secure with our bodies and our minds. We just cannot be. So leave those alone. Unless it is the right time and place. For instance forums online where these matters are discussed. And if you do not like that stuff or it hurts you to engage stay away from them. I am sorry but I am allergic to large shopping malls and department stores. I break out in a rash and an anxiety attack thinking about them. (not really but close) So I do not go there. I like good music, dancing and the social tension of a good nightclub. But I am rather uncomfortable being picked up on by guys, so I generally avoid gay bars. To tell you the truth I am uncomfortable being picked up on by anyone so night club days are behind me. Although perhaps in my older uglier age I probably do not have to worry about that anymore ;-)
So we do two things, we avoid where the activity of cutting language is used and we draw boundaries for ourselves. And that would include that a partner may well need to be an ex partner if they engage in cutting words very often.
Do not be bashful here gentlemen. This can be an abusive relationship that is as dangerous as hitting each other and the fact that you are a man does not immunize you from such abuse. If it is bad, be a man, a real man and get help.
What adventure life and love is.
So I think we now get how to do it. How not to do it. And how to avoid it.
So believe it or not it is time to talk about when it is appropriate.
Intervention. Yes intervention. Most people think of intervention for something like drug use and a caring family gathering around and being stern but supportive. So Hollywood and healthy. Sorry but real sausage is made of cut up meat and that is some tough stuff to watch be made. If the group was all that functional you would not need an intervention. Get over it. Intervention is tough and sometimes requires fully deflating the ego of our loved ones in order to get them to the bottom enough to turn it around.
The outright holier than thou egotist. This might be why you see the cutting nastiness in certain forums. In fact those of us who engage there really do need a gut check and body check from time to time. We just plain need to be knocked back down to size and oh yes it hurts. And it is not pretty and it does not always have immediate effect but generally something sinks in and we can dust that old self esteem off and put it back on in a healthier mode.
I love to preach about love.
Some hubber wrote me today about me being a pastor. It made me stop and think that I am not a pastor but sometimes that is the right way to describe me so I go with it a bit. No, I am a preacher man. I preach. I do not lead folk to greener pastures. I do not show the light. I preach. I jump down folks throats and argue with them and throw ideas out there that might help us grow together. I question authority. Sure some called me a youth pastor for some years. But not the youth!
So I love to preach about love and I tell you that if you treat yourself and others with love, you will find conflict and some cutting going on but it will not disable you or them if you even try to give it some love.