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No Stranger to Losing Loved Ones

Updated on October 4, 2017
W. K. Hayes profile image

Losing a loved one seems to happen quite often in my life and I hope this article helps others currently dealing with loss as I am, again.

Update: October 4th, 2017

When I originally wrote this article, I was in a dark place in my life and at the time I did not realize just how bad it was until I just re-read this article this morning. Since it was first published many years ago, a lot has happened and including the loss of my brother and my best friend.

Somewhere around the house, I have pictures of my lost loved ones and I want to re-write this article as an enduring tribute to them. In addition, I am hoping that what I have learned over the past forty-seven years about losing loved ones will help you get through your own time of loss.

W. K. Hayes

Just me being me.
Just me being me. | Source

Losing a loved one will never be easy

Originally, I was thinking about writing an article about making a free website and how to go about getting the best results but then, something I wrote earlier reminded me of my mom, may she rest in peace.

Fourteen years ago, she passed away in the middle of summer on July 14th. Truly, that was the hardest year of my life with this past year taking a close second. In a matter of months I had lost my mom and was dealing with marriage separation and being homeless, all at the same time.

That was the very short of the matter I promise you but ultimately, I quickly found myself without my mom, whom I love greatly and my children that makes my very heart beat. I was fairly, homeless and had no idea where life was going to take me next. By the time, mom's funeral came about, I could not cry. Not even the first tear fell from my face. I was so angry and bitter at the world that I really just wanted to die. Still, suicide was not the answer nor will it ever be because I knew that killing myself would not help anything although, I still retained my bitterness towards life for a long time.

The point I am making is that I am very familiar with the loss of loved ones. My dad passed away a few years afterwards...today...I did not even realize it until just now. Today marks the anniversary of his death at the time I originally wrote this article. Yep...it is going to be a long day.

Anyway, you will not stop grieving over the loss of a loved one. No, it does not get any easier over time. I have always detested that lie. Instead, you will learn to cope with losing a loved one. You find ways to make yourself busy. You spend more time trying to find someone to help keep your mind off the one, or ones you have lost. Staying busy by focusing on the ones still in your life is the best way to deal with the loss of a loved one.

Do not trouble yourself worrying about the things you wish you could have said or done. I really wish I could have cooked for my mom or read the Bible with her, one more time but that was, taken from me and I can never get it back. It is okay though...in time; I have learned that hanging on the past will only destroy the future.



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    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 6 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      W. K. - Pain, anger, remorse, guilt, loneliness and more.

      I continue to wrestle with one emotion, than another. And when I laugh or enjoy a spurt of happiness, there is a feeling of guilt. Four yrs now. It has been 4 yrs since cancer took my beautiful son...it feels like yesterday. You are absolutely right. Time does not heal. No way!

      You have been through some terrible, life-changing times and I hurt for you. You show strength in writing about these terrible times. It is my hope that many others will read your storie. It will help.

      Most of all, thank you dear hub brother for your offer to "be there" for the rest of us. You are a beautiful blessing!

    • W. K. Hayes profile image
      Author

      Warren Keith Hayes 6 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Thank you Karen...My words are always meant to speak directly to the reader and that is truly one of the best compliments I have received on Hubpages to date.

      The loss of loved ones is harder and sadly, more frequent as we get older. I have lost all of my Grand Parents plus my mom and dad and the picture you see, that was taken last year...I'm not that old. I cannot help but wonder why is everyone gone while i'm still getting surprised if I even find a grey hair, ya know?

    • Karen Wilton profile image

      Karen Wilton 6 years ago from Australia

      Thank you for writing this heartfelt article and sharing your hard times with the world. I'm sure others who read this will feel as I have that you are talking directly to me.

      No, I'm not getting ready to go to a party but I know the world keeps moving. Time does not heal the pain of grief but it does teach us how to get through another day living with loss.