ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Mental Health»
  • Emotions

How to feel more confident in seven easy steps

Updated on July 8, 2014


The seven steps to feeling more confident
The seven steps to feeling more confident | Source

It is all about confidence

Sometimes we all feel that are confidence is low and we don’t seem to be able to get our message through, or that people don’t listen to us. Sometimes we even feel that family and friends do not listen to us. How can we put this right and feel more confident and better about ourselves making sure at the same time our voice is heard?

There are some easy things that you can put into play in your life to make sure you feel more confident and become happier in your own life.

Teach yourself to be more confident
Teach yourself to be more confident | Source

How to feel more confident in seven easy steps

Step one – Learn how to be kind to yourself. This does not have to be complicated just make sure you are not always running around looking after other people. Take time out for a nice aromatherapy bath, a relaxing yoga class or a longer walk with your dog.

A good idea is to actually plan it in your diary and actually know that you are going to busy on THAT day at THAT time doing what you would like to do.

Step two – Learn how to say no. Many of us don’t like to say no, and when we do say no other people may make us feel guilty. What do you have to feel guilty about? It is your life and you have a right to do with as you please. The teachers at your children’s school may put pressure on you to help with a bake ware sale but you are already holding down a full time job. Just say – thank you for asking but I am really busy at work and on this occasion I can’t help you perhaps some other time.

Step three – Check out your own body language. Small changes in body languages are picked up by keen observers, and we rely more on body language than we know. When having a serious conversation make sure you look the person in the eyes, and maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. Speak slowly, and don’t play with your nose or ears. You are more likely to get your point through. Use simply sentences such as “ No it is not going to happen, or no I am not going to agree to that.

Step four – How do you speak to someone? Sometimes it is easy to give a negative impression and put someone on their guard. When you speak to a person, even on the phone, try to speak to a person with a smile in your voice. The other person will react to you completely differently and will be more likely to listen to what you have to say.

Step five – Could, should and would. Three simple words that we use on an every day basis. Instead of saying to someone “could you do that for me” try saying “would you do that for me”. It makes such as difference – now you are asking not telling and people respond better to that especially work colleagues. The expression “should I do something” implies that you are not very sure or confident. Change it to “ I will change my bank account to another bank”.

Step 6 - Don’t let people walk all over you. When you are asked to go to an event, or do something you don’t really want to you may feel guilty if you don’t go that special fund raiser. A lot of people can be very pushy and make you feel that you are selfish by saying no. There is an easy way out without even using the word no. Just say “ I would love to but I can’t make it” If they ask you why you can’t make it just “ I just can’t make it – I am fully committed.” Remember that the only person you are fully committed to is yourself.

Step 7 – Take charge. Let people know where you stand, and what your priorities are when it comes to certain situations. For instances if you are married but have single friends you may feel obliged to spend extra time and money to spend on activities such as going out or joining expensive gyms. They are at a different stage in their lives, and at the moment your life styles are not the same. Just let them know that your priorities are different and you have people and other matters in your life which need to take priority.

Confident Quz

Do you always feel fairly confident?

See results

Why confidence is so important

Self confidence is very important for better mental and physical well being. When our self confidence increases we feel better about ourselves, and we suffer from stress a lot less.

Most doctors Know that stress can directly affect the way our bodies deal with disease, and when our stress levels are lower the immune system is boosted. You are much more likely to catch a cold, or a virus, when you are stressed.

If you are experiencing illness this can in itself cause stress, so it is important to deal with the illness quickly and start fixing the problem. I often look at an illness as problem that needs a solution. Once a person has a solution to the problem, and knows what action he or she can take they start feeling better. This in itself raises self confidence, and boosts the immune system.

An improved self confidence also lets us handle problems better. A problem at work might seem totally out of proportion if your confidence is low, but when you boost your confidence you are more likely to come up with a solution to the problem. Solving a problem in itself can give you better self confidence as you have just proved to yourself that you can handle a problem, and solve it. You may have heard the phrase "lifts your spirit". This is often how we feel after having dealt with and solved a problem. Your brain releases feel good hormones and signal which further boosts your self confidence.

Quick fixes for better self confidence

The following have been identified as top self confidence boosters

A chat with friends - top for problem solving

New shoes - apparently this applies to men as well as women

A new job - getting a new job proves your self worth

Your boss telling you have done well - getting a pay rise does not give you better self confidence- it just makes you feel more relaxed.

In confidence

What does the term "in confidence" mean? We use it a lot but we rarely consider its meaning.

I am sure you have said to someone "can I speak to you in confidence?"

The very statement implies that we are about to share some very personal and important information which we find it difficult to talk about, or share with others.

Doctors and lawyers are often in receipt of confidential information which have been passed on to them by their patients or clients.

This is how in confidence is defined over at

1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.
2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.
a. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
b. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.
4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
5. The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your ability to succeed.
Of, relating to, or involving a swindle or fraud: a confidence scheme; a confidence trickster.

Interesting especially as we know that trust and faith in another person, or a thing, can help to boost our own confidence.

Improve your self confidence with this video

Oxytocin - the confidence boosting hormone

Scientists have done a lot of research into confidence, and have discovered a hormone which may play an important part. The name of the hormone is Oxytocin, and is naturally present in our bodies from birth.

We are getting better and better in finding out what makes us function as human beings, and the discovery of Oxytocin can be great news for people that are shy or under confident.

Researchers at Zurich University in Switzerland have found that if they administer the hormone to a shy person before an awkward event, the shy individual will cope better with the difficult situation.

Millions of people around the world suffer from low confidence or severe shyness. Many of them resort to drugs to boost their confidence. Would it not be better to recognize that shyness is a big problem for many people, and do something positive about it?

Oxytocin is now available as a nasal spray, a bit like a hay fever treatment, and can be prescribed by a doctor. It can also be bought on line but it is always best to speak to a doctor first.

Feeling under confident or shy

How to feel less under confident and shy
How to feel less under confident and shy | Source

Are you feeling under confident?

If you are feeling under confidence, or shy, do not hesitate to seek help. There are many mental health organizations that run courses, and if we feel better about ourselves we are also generally happier.

Confidence is important in so many situations including day to day situations such as dealing with your partner, other family members or colleagues. If we can do so in a more confident manner perhaps we would achieve better results, and give other people a confidence boost as well.

Make love not war - get more confident and live in harmony.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Healthyannie profile image

      Healthyannie 4 years ago from Spain

      Thank you Riviera Rose - this article was actually written for a friend of mine. We call "Mrs Should I". She laughed a lot and hopefully she will turn into "Mrs I will do".

    • Riviera Rose profile image

      Riviera Rose 4 years ago from South of France

      What an interesting and useful hub - thank you! I'm pretty confident most of the time but trip up on occasion - especially when getting money out of people who owe it to me - I feel guilty for even asking for it! You've given some very useful pointers here, thanks.

    • Healthyannie profile image

      Healthyannie 4 years ago from Spain

      Thank you for dropping by Ms Dora. Yes confidence is in important, and we often forget to nuture it.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks for tips on establishing confidence. Confidence makes such a difference in our attitude and relationships. It is worth the time to check and re-check our application of these suggestions.