How to handle someone overly critical of you and come out positive.
Have you ever met someone who is critical of a tree?
If you do not get defensive when criticized you need to make sure you have a pulse.
Be positive please and hang on to your self.
Criticism is really an attack. Get over it. How do you handle it? Let us learn about criticism together and develop our own plan of response or reaction.
An old partner of mine once said "if you are not being sued in court, you really aren't in business". Or with bad press; "At least they are talking about you kid". Be good to your self and never ever let someone else determine your own self worth.
Try to think of a time when someone was critical of you and what you did had no impact on them. Please try hard here. Even the bullies on the internet that seem to attack you out of nowhere -- clearly are effected by what you write or post.
So let us start out on a positive note. If someone is criticizing you, you are making an impact and isn't that a true compliment and our social responsibility?
We should all be glorified so much that others care to spend the time to critique our work. That is rally great.
Some how and some way we must stay positive.
Same trees in fall. Incredible
Let us just get right to the "how to" part.
Better you do not have to slog through 1300 words to get to some helpful hints. So when you are overly criticized handle it just like you would a proper criticism. First thing first is to take notes. Mental is good but written is better. Concentrate on interpretation of the criticism so you can apply it. It might just be helpful or it might just be the criticizers problem. Do not judge that immediately. Only time can tell that. Certainly immediate reaction cannot, it just cannot. And if it can, do not trust that.
So to make it easy we have some "mantras" to say. It is suggested that these be employed immediately upon the slightest inkling that criticism is beginning. There are triggers and all you need to do it sit down and feel/think about those feelings. For some a tightness of breath and for others starting to get mad like fight or flight. So as a rule just employ these techniques immediately.
All of these are kind of in quotation marks as it is both and internal and external dialogue.
Excuse me let me get this down so I do not miss anything
Wait a second I need to pay attention here so give me a moment
Let me get my pad of paper
Can we do this later?
OK! let me concentrate
I got you coach, let me try it again (my favorite as an athlete and a coach)
Could you say that again I want to be sure I get this
Hey baby this is for you -- you write for a living and want to get into the game look over here. I am your cheering squad!
Special segment for writers
We use a key board. That is how we ply our trade. That key board is your friend just as it is your enemy. Your real friends are those that comment on what you write. It may be harsh but generally it will be uplifting and inspiring. And that is good.
In the harsh ones. Slowdown and look also to the writer. It could be a cry for help. Yes sometimes we see or hear criticism that people can let loose on a writer. It is almost like we are there bartenders, they need to vent and sometimes they focus on us. Please consider this an honor of our trade. (we exclude forums here as we can see the critics are not serious writers and should be seen more like drunks in a bar, nevertheless this can be instructional and help a writer to handle normal criticism better)
Real based criticism is usually paid for with money. All others are suspect. And we are best to look at the source and decide if that is a target audience we want. But if you are really looking for helpful criticism at least write them back and ask for clarification. Criticism in writing without dialogue is really not a good idea.
Are you cool with criticizing a fellow writer?
Have you ever been asked for a critique?
There are a lot of boulders on the way to the top.
The trap in the office.
It is just a fact of life. Those people in life that get ahead in a profit making center are animals. On good occasion you will find folks who get ahead by getting the most out of the people around them. But we are sorry to note that they are the exception. Most get ahead by building cases against those that they internally compete against.
So half of all your criticism in an office setting is not about you but about the person one rung above you. Please get over that. Please get into that and learn and grow.
Awhile ago a fellow by the name of Carnegie wrote some stuff on motivation and criticism. He recommended a sandwich approach. Praise, criticism, followed by praise. It makes perfect sense and requires the superior to think. Here is the problem. In the late 1970's and early 1980's corporations we being sued in court for wrongful termination and the praise portion showed clearly that the employee was doing a good job. So the heavy onset of Human Resources, a group we call HR.
They put a stop to that and nowadays the business structure requires harsh criticism that will late give rise to the ability to fire an employee. We think we can agree that that is some sick crap. Lawyers are not to blame, actuarial dudes, accountants and business is to blame for a general downturn in motivation.
Do not let someone else take your Glory Days. You are the best. Stand tall and keep living them.
Oh boy this is a hard one but you are up to the task and your new family and friends love you for who you are. Family of origin crap needs to be classified, booked and filed. Youngest of six children and you are not worth the snot out of your nose. Bull. You are you and you are awesome and that criticism helps you move forward if you give it the chance.
We must rise above criticism. We must not avoid it. We must love it and grown from it. Embrace it and learn and grow from it. It is our friend.
There is no professional group that gathers that does what problem resolution is. And our clients do not give references as to do so would admit a problem and that is our job to keep quiet. Think of that show "Scandal". All the time we are brought in to fix a problem and 90% of the time the folk act like we caused the problem. And our only hope in helping is to be critical. And that makes us hated. In families it is the same. Stay focused and write notes and assure attention to concerns. And buck up and take it like a woman.
Here is the deal. I love you, can you love yourself?
If you read this silly article all the way down to here. Then you are "in progress". But to me you have been constantly in progress because something made you read this.
We do not write to the masses here. We write to writers and caring people. Care about yourself like I do. My yolk is very light and I will help you carry yours if you let me.
OK, not me, but another. That is the last piece of the puzzle. Share what you feel and feel what you share. A day that goes by when no one make fun of my 155 and above IQ is a day I failed to stick my neck out for you. I suck if I do that. Bring that problem home to your loved one and feel like they care and can add to the criticism. And just love all criticizers because they care about you.