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How to judge people? No wrong assumptions!
“As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to putting people and things in their "right" place.” –Henri J.M.Noumen
You keep judging people, who come in contact with you, don’t you? You judge people in your work place or in your family. Even people with whom you have just a brief contact do not escape your judgment. Judging people has become the favorite pastime of most of us. You\me\everyone immediately form some sort of an opinion about others.
How do you judge people?
- You judge people by their appearance
- You assume about their character from their interaction with you
- Success and affluence make you have an overawed view about the person.
- You come to a wrong conclusion by being influenced by what others say about the person.
Why do you pass judgment about others?
It is very human to make fleeting judgment about others and form a misconceived opinion.
Is your judgment always right?
It is invariably wrong and prejudiced as you look at people with your own perception!
Your perception is based on your preconceived views you have about something!.
Do you know that this habit of judging people can ruin relationships, friendships and even the peace of the world as a whole?
Countries fight amongst themselves because they sit in judgment about the other country.
Couples want to end their marriage because each one is a judge to the fault of the other.
And neighbors have tiffs as they too make their own wrong judgment.
Let us now see the mistakes you make in judging people!
Appearance can be deceptive
When you see someone looking assertive, confident and well dressed the person catches your attention instantly.
His smile and the easy way he interacts with you make you feel drawn towards him. Your immediate judgment about the person is ‘he is reliable and trustworthy’.
But how many times have you been disappointed when your conclusion is proved wrong and he is not as trustworthy you thought he would be?
Appearance is always an external facade and has nothing to do with character. If looks were a criterion for excellent and creditable character, then all good looking, well dressed and assertive people should be superior in nature.
Appearance can at best be a pulling power which gets the attention of others.
There are many ill clad people with a heart of gold!
And many presentable people with a poisonous mind!
. So you should never come to the decision that a person is good or bad by having his appearance as a scale to judge his character.
From their interaction with you
‘He is arrogant and haughty’ is your judgment when someone is reserved and reticent. He might be a shy person who doesn’t open out very easily with others. He might have another side which is very jovial with people he is comfortable with.
‘He is very friendly and open’ you think so when someone is very easy to interact. His connective chord makes you immediately like him. You admire his gullible talk, effortless smile and he gets into your heart with ease. That person might not be dependable and can be a person who is superficially friendly, but very calculative within him.
By their success and affluence
‘He is very lucky and happy!’ this is your conclusion when you meet someone who is rich and affluent.
You think he is very lucky and feel that his wealth was giving him great happiness, don’t you?
How can riches give you happiness? It gives you great buying capacity, but no happiness.
Why do you always think rich people as happy?
You yearn for lot of things in life which you cannot afford. When you see someone who gets all the good things of life with ease, you assume that he is happiness personified as you always link being happy to being very wealthy and well off.
Many rich people live an empty of life of wealth and no love. They want love, but do not get it. They surround themselves with wealth and status symbols and present a picture of artificial and assumed well being. Do not think people are happy because they are rich and people are sad because they cannot afford to be rich.
By what others say
This is the worst way of judging people.
You instantly believe what others say about someone. Do you know everyone has his own perception about people he meets and that perception is always based on his way of understanding the person? It need not be right and it need not be yours also.
“When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.” David Brin
Why do need to judge people? It is not your\my business to sit in judgment based on your\my own whims and wishes. When you have an aerial view about others your mind becomes broad and you see everything in its right standpoint. If you spring to conclusion by looking just ahead of you, you see everything from your angle.
You should not sit in judgment of others according to what your mind dictates. You are invariably wrong! You should be neutral and open minded to others. When you judge people, you lose insight into your own faults and assume that all is good with your character and everything is wrong with others.
‘Judging others is like looking in a mirror; reflecting the disappointments and frustrations you have in your own life, restraining you from praising others.’ –Frederick A. Babb.
Do not talk about your judgment about a person to everyone as it ultimately finds its way to the person concerned and can cause immense anger, resentment and sadness against you. You might lose a good friendship, a beautiful relationship and your job might be affected and people become wary of you because of your impulsive and reckless judging attitude.
© 2013 mathira