How to Make Living With a Narcissist Easy
Things to remember
The number one thing you must realize when living with a narcissist is, the world revolves around them. The world exists for the soul purpose of them gracing their appearance on this earth. As long as you keep this in mind, living with the narcissist should be relatively painless. It may take you a few years to recognize that your ‘better half’ has narcissistic behaviors and during this time you may find yourself confused and feeling a bit ’put out’ with your spouse. With a little patience and determination on your part to change, you will be able to live in relative harmony.
The first few years seem to be the most difficult time in the newly married when one of them is narcissistic.
For future reference in this article the Narcissist will be henceforth referred as N.
What your responsibilities are
The bathroom which is generally shared by two has become the N’s main domain, because you will find out very soon they are extremely vain. Appearances are everything in the mind of the N. It will also become apparent that you have been put here to serve them. Grooming items will become your responsibility, it will be up to you the spouse, to make sure they are put back in their proper place after the N has used them. If this is not done, N will surely blame you, accusing you of misplacing said items. If you have not realized that you are living with a N, you will do something such as stop combing your hair just so you can stop being accused of using and misplacing the offending comb.
As I have stated appearances are everything to the mind of the N. Clothes are of major importance as well. N may desire to have clothing items pressed/ironed including but not limited to denim jeans. They may do this for themselves since you are not capable of pressing said items in the manner in which they desire. If you are stubborn and persistent and wish to make a good impression you may try to get it right, it may take a good six months for the N to pronounce that you ’have done a good job’. At this point you may stop doing the ironing. When questioned as to why you have stopped, just tell the N that ”You said I couldn’t do it right, I just wanted to show you I could.” Because they are vain, they will pick up where you left off without question.
Raising children in this environment can be a bit tricky. If the child cries, the N will assume you are doing something wrong with the child. If the N is sleeping then it becomes your purpose in life to make sure the child never does anything to cry. God forbid if a crying child should wake the sleeping N. Always keep in mind that whatever the N is doing, becomes the most important thing in the world. Hopefully for your sake, and the sake of your mind, your N will find a job that allows sleeping when everyone else does. More than likely this will not happen, as I have said the world revolves around the N and they will do whatever they want, and you will just have to find a way to deal with them and their wishes.
You will need to become more flexible in the world of the N. Such
things as organization will become obsolete. The mind of the N changes
rapidly. You are not allowed to do such things as make plans. Should
you do so, do not hope to include the N in your plans. The N is the one
who needs to plan things, it has to be their idea. If for some reason
you have made plans, it is up to you to make certain that the N
believes that it was their idea, if you cannot do this, plan on going
alone. Once you have gone alone and then return home, you must expect
the N to say things to you such as “What took you so long?” “I would
have went with you, why didn’t you say something?” In the attempt to
make you feel bad for not including them. More often than not, you will
find yourself sitting at home in the company of N, not doing anything
If the N should go with you, one of two things will happen. Either they will demand to be the center of attention in which everyone surrounds their wondrous self, or they will skulk off alone in the hopes that you will follow. In either case, you will wish you stayed home. In the first case, they may try to find someone who is in awe of how wonderful the N is, that in turn will draw the attention of others. Before long a crowd may surround N, in this case N will be bathed in glory. In the second case, if N cannot find someone immediately to converse with, N will become sullen and draw away from everyone. You will see N sitting by themselves, and possibly feel sorry for them. You will try to draw N into conversation with others, when in fact what you are doing is giving attention to N in the way they desire, you have now surrounded N with admirers, in their eye. After a while it will become such a chore keeping N happy, you may find yourself declining more and more invitations, and just decide to stay at home.
Feeding your Narcissist
Feeding the N. This can be challenging at times, especially if the
money isn’t available to purchase certain foods. The N likes certain
foods and expects them to be there when it is desired. The challenging
part is when the N expects you to become a mind reader. You in your
attempt to placate the N, make sure that there is a great variety of
foods to be found with the kitchen. You attempt to keep a goodly supply
of the N’s favorite foods, just in case it is desired, it will be
there. It is your hope that no one else in the home will also want
these foods, because N will complain if they are eaten. If you should
purchase something for someone else, it is guaranteed N will find it
and eat it, with the complaint that “You never buy this for me”. You
will now make sure there is plenty of the new food for N. If your
aren’t careful your home will look like the inside of a mini grocery
store, with a little bit of everything.
You never know when N is going to be hungry or exactly how hungry N is going to be. In preparing cooked foods it is best to go overboard in the amount you make. Over the years N has learned to appreciate your efforts in cooking, because if you should stop cooking the way you did the ironing, N will starve. At some point you may want to consider getting a dog or at the very least a garbage disposal. Though the N has inflated your ego when it comes to your cooking, leftovers will not be tolerated. No matter how delicious the dish was yesterday, today it will be something N does not want. You will have to be extremely creative when using leftovers, because yesterday’s taste will still be there. After several days of it being passed over for something else, it will undoubtedly go to the dog, or the garbage disposal.
Living with the Narcissist
The art of raising children around a N is something that will not be
known to its fullest until children are fully grown. The possibility of
having a N child becomes quite real. Without a doubt, if you have
several children one of them will become a N. One of these children
will certainly worship the N and in this, certain traits will be
emulated. The N will perform in such a way that the child desires only
to be around N at all times. N desires this worship, and feeds off of
it. If you attempt to discourage this, you will become the bad person.
The other children will feel that N has a favorite. The truth of the
matter is that N’s favorite person is the N.
Because the world revolves around the N, everything in the world becomes the personal property of the N. If they see something they feel they can use, and no one else is using it at the moment, it will become theirs. If the N is an outdoorsy person something as simple as dishtowels will become the personal property of the N, using them in such a manner that defies the idea that they were originally for dishes. If you should ever see them again, they will have become quite unrecognizable. Also keep in mind that if N should take something from inside the house to use outside, you will have to be the one to retrieve it. In the mind of the N, returning an item will be thought of as demeaning because they are not here to serve, rather it being the other way around.
Living with an N will seem at times like you are going somewhere in your life. This is just an illusion. You may be encouraged to pursue a career, provided it fits in the parameter of life of the N. You will spend many years attempting to find something that fits within these parameters. In this, you will not succeed, unless you can find something that can be done when the N is not around, even this will not be guaranteed. There are times when doing something that is helping to build your success, time is taken away from the family. This will not be tolerated in the life of the N. You will be allowed to do those things, provided it is not taking time away from N.
Having an outside job to some, is required for living. In the life of the N, it is allowed only when it does not interfere with N. If you have children, you must provide care for them because the N cannot be bothered to care for them. If it has become an emergency that you work, the N may for a short time care for the children and home. In this they will be the best care giver and housekeeper that has ever existed, and they will make sure that you know this.
When the N is forced to do menial chores around the house, such as much
needed repairs, you will have one to two choices. The first, you must
read the mind of the N to decide what is going to be done, this should
be done days in advance. Then you must ready them with the tools and
supplies that will be used for the job. In this you will have to search
your entire home, garage, and shed for these tools, in anticipation of
what they will need. This can be challenging because you never know
where the N will have left those things in their previous chores. The
second, drop everything that you are doing to be the needed gopher. If
the N is doing something that you have asked specifically to be done,
regardless if it needed to be done or not, you should at the very least
expect to stand over the shoulder of the N and show proper appreciation
for the job being done.
When watching television with the N, you should expect to watch anything they want to watch. You should also expect to allow them to hold the remote. You should remember that if you are watching a program and the N enters the room, the TV will automatically be changed to whatever the N wants it to. If you put up a fuss, the N will go to another room and turn on another TV, a couple of things will happen. The N will turn the TV up very loudly drowning out the sound of your program. Possibly having found a program that you just ’have’ to see will yell loudly for you to tune it to the said channel. Either way the N will be sullen and be unhappy until you once again drop everything to go sit with them.
Sex with the N may have wondrous appeal, provided you enjoy the same things they do. You could quite possibly find that having sex with the N is something they enjoy, since it involves them. They are their favorite person so complimenting them on a job well done will be most appreciated. They may attempt to learn new and different things, which they will tell you is to please you, but in reality they want compliments from the receiver of their attentions. Do not tell the N that they are doing something you don’t like, this is a complete no-no. Their fragile ego cannot handle any type of rejection. You will have to accept that the love making of the N is something that will change only when they want it to.
You will spend your life making changes within yourself, to accommodate
the changing N. If you work hard and long enough, you may feel you are
successful. If you ask the N, you will find there are areas in which
you can improve. The N themselves will never need improvement because
after all, they are perfect just the way they are.
Because you have become adaptable to the life of the N, you will continue to change to suit their wants and needs. In a sense you will create some sort of harmony within the home, you will become used to the ever changing moods of the N, and learn to adapt. In effect you will have learned to live with the Narcissistic person.