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How to ruin a marriage. Seriously these tips can destroy the love in any relationship.

Updated on February 25, 2014

Show only dark clouds on your brow!

Convince others that you suffer more than them. Great technique they will avoid you like a plague.
Convince others that you suffer more than them. Great technique they will avoid you like a plague. | Source

Look at this first one and know we speak truth!

Obsess on the negative. Some people can do this naturally but most of us need help. It takes all your energy and leaves energy for little more in life. We have never met a spouse who was obsessed over being wronged by the other spouse do well in any other aspects of their life. So this technique has the extra bonus of no one wanting to be around the practitioner.

The way you get to a state where you can do this well is a simple technique. It is called "self righteousness", and we promise that it works every time. Just convince yourself that you deserve a "I am are holier than thou attitude". Guaranteed with money back on that notion.

A Mad Entrance!

Never enter your home happy. No matter how great the day you have reason to be upset!
Never enter your home happy. No matter how great the day you have reason to be upset! | Source

We have a name for a mad entrance: Apocalypse Now!

Of for sure this works. Make sure that no matter how angry the house seemed that when you get there it is worse. Start with accusatory questions. Then criticize with the state of the house. And then act bone tired. And show disappointment. This works wonders in establishing that you are better than your spouse and it reinforces any negative feelings of self worth your spouse has themselves. If you do this right depression of a clinical nature can set in and you get a whole new box of weapons.

The warranty is voided if you show your spouse just even a little respect.

If you do just half of this, you can ruin your marriage.

Are you capable of doing these things without thought -- maybe even good at them?

See results

Please now honey child do not go all weak on me!

Constant Raising of contentious issues. Oh yes do not let a moment go by where you do not raise something to argue about. Old wounds are the best because you can say something neutral and still inflict the pain. A subset of this is tone of voice and looking away and not allowing touch.

Guilt is our friend. Use it or lose it whenever you can make your spouse feel guilty.

Nagging is a top priority.

Just make a phone and email and text schedule through the day. Always keep it real brief and hit buttons to make sure that your spouse cannot get their work done well. Their failure at work and social is paramount so you can hold that against them.

The last and most difficult of these comes from all places -- the Bible.

This is so easy it is child's play we are going to take these verses. And apply them in our tone:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our version. 4 Love is impatient, love is unkind. It envies, it boasts, it is full of pride. 5 It dishonors everybody, it is self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps a detailed record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, as long as the truth is our self seeking ways.. 7 It always protects oneself, always trusts only oneself, always hopes for opportunity to do a one-up-manship deal, always perseveres.

Buy now you should have gotten the big picture at least those of us here at the Dierker Consultancy for Higher Understanding hope you have.




Things piled on top of themselves do not build a foundation.

There is a point where love is about us.
There is a point where love is about us. | Source

This whole article is true and real. Go ahead and shake your head.

We, each one of us do these things. We really do. We even think this way but most just act this way in some part of their being. What we hoped to slip in was intention. By pretending that we would do this intentionally we created a psychopath as an illustration. It is not a wrong model. If you really wanted to do this you could. And the darned hardest fact is that we do it without wanting to do it.

I love you. Your life is hard, from India to DC to the Falklands and to Central Africa and Bolivia to the Balkans. From Japan to Mongolia and down to Australia. Yes you are unique and yes you are special. But you would not need our love if you were perfect.

So we here are the consultancy beg you to take a look and just examine if you are doing any of this stuff.

We do not specialize in personal relationships. We specialize in making problems go away and be resolved. We are hired to fix certain issues that are normally part legal and part financial. But we have found that folks acting like our script here are ten times more likely to encounter these problems and that if we cannot resolve the issues above we cannot solve the problem without liquidation and fire sale and bankruptcy and divorce solutions.

This article is not a feel good article to this point and it was not written to be that kind of article it was written as a wake up call to you bombastic and mean spirited folks on both sides of the spousal isle. We do not care what sex you are or your age or your tax bracket.

We do damned well care if you have children. And we do not care for you and your spouse because of the children. We care because of what your are teaching them. And what they will teach their children.

So let us go gently into a secular rewriting of our cherished most famous of all love concepts.

Love is an effort

Love is not a temple or a Volcanoe
Love is not a temple or a Volcanoe | Source

Where good people find themselves.

We are not perfect nor will we ever be. But our birth is perfect in our Creators eyes: So says our declaration of independence and our constitution. We are made equal in our creators eyes. So how we turn out is up to us.

Our job is easy but performing it is hard work and devotion.

Let us go back and look and some instruction left around two thousand years ago. I have a small 4 year old so I love dinosaurs. But proof of them is in things like skeletons. These words were written and how so is like skeletons but I like them more than skeletons. I think we should look at them for what the say and not some kind of archaeological dig in Siberia.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our group just cannot come up with anything better. But we add some truths that we think are helpful to modern day.

Money problems belong out of the bedroom and the bedroom must be cohabited regardless of money problems.

Accusations are man made and not love or God made.

Peace is a desire, if it is only a formality all things die.

Love is not a driving force but to love is.

Finances are for others lest we let personalities infect finances.

If life is really bad, go see a doctor.

Leave "divorce coaches" out of your equation of life.

If you are more angry than loving, it is not someone else's fault.

We are not born to be good, because of society, we must work on it.

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      There is a whole boatload of truths here my friend. I think Bev and I have finally gotten it right.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 3 years ago from Texas

      To be blunt, I don't like this article. Not because you didn't write it well or make a good point. I just know people like this very well and I know you hit every single nail right on the head. We all do it unintentionally sometimes and should be forgiven for being human, but some people excel in those areas and almost seem to do so intentionally. Others may not do it intentionally, yet they have no desire to change negative behavior patterns.

      Actually. . .this article should be shouted to the world.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Marriages can feel less energetic you made some good points.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, this is a good sermon not only for marriage, but for every meaningful relationship. Thank you for promoting the message of love in all the ways you constantly do.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      My gal and I keep working on that Bill. Thank you.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Oh Shanmarie I only had to look inside to find the material. I certainly am a guilty party. Thank you for that comment.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      DDE it takes a lot of work some days, but worth it, at least to me.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora I am coming to see that I write them for me. Not for me to write but for me to remember.

    • vandynegl profile image

      vandynegl 3 years ago from Ohio Valley

      Very good points made! It is easy to fall into negative patterns too! Often, it is a clash of personalities that comes out. I find that as years go by, I am a very different person than I was when I got married. There can be resentment with this. We must grow and change together.

      Well written!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Great point vandynegl -- I suppose two things are inevitable in most people's lives, change and love. I also suppose we spend way to much time resisting both.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 3 years ago from Savannah, GA

      Well, Eric, I'm not sure if you were trying to be funny at all, but you really had me rolling in that first half. There are ugly things that we do because we are imperfect. I know I've been guilty of a few. But like you say, "If you are more angry than loving, it is not someone else's fault." Health and happiness is an inside job.

    • Sparklea profile image

      Sparklea 3 years ago from Upstate New York

      Hi Eric, you always bring out excellent points in your hubs. This piece has caused me to ponder the challenge of living under one roof. After many bumps in the road, mistakes, tears, arguments (especially when the kids were teens), I guess, for me, after asking God to guide me moment by moment is: Greet my husband with a big hug and kiss the minute he comes home from work; ask him how his day went? Don't interrupt...Listen intently with eye contact. (while 4 cats are circling their daddy like sharks); and, meeting my daughter for lunch today? SHE did ALL the talking and I listened, and did not contribute one word about myself. It's about loving the other person, listening, keeping still, AND the return is love...and, believe me, when the time comes, they will be there for you. This is all from experience after multitudes of mistakes over the years. God bless you always, Sparklea :)

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 3 years ago from Texas

      I have a hard time believing that, Eric. Everyone is capable of those things you speak of and probably even is guilty of it from time to time. But, you look for ways to find harmony with your wife. You mention that often in your hubs. You also look for the positive in life.

    • Foodeee profile image

      Foodeee 3 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Eric, I wish you would quit quoting my life. UGGH. There is so much negativity around me not only with family but friends also that sometimes I wanna crawl in a whole and never come out. I Just never know what to do about it.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Brian I was really upset when I started it. But as I was starting to point my finger I saw three more pointed back at me. And so then I laughed and had a blast with it. Thanks.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      You nailed Sparklea, I think Roy Rogers said to the effect: "I never met a man that I could not find something to like about". I guess we should say the same for family only a little different: "if I shut up and listen I always enjoy and learn". Thank you.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      shanmarie, I do find a lot of positive in life and I count you among them.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Foodeee, that hub I read this morning on wood is a great thing to do about it. Just reading it made me feel good. I highly recommend it.

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 3 years ago from Northern California, USA

      A positive thinking person would read this and find a lot of humor in this article because it's so opposite of anything they would do. But, you preach the truth. Anyone doing just half of these things would surely ruin a marriage.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I really hope Marlene that we can laugh at ourselves and then change course in these matters. Writing it started of mad and ended up at me laughing at myself.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      In like the way you wrote this Eric, as advice for having an unsuccessful marriage. A good way to confront people with the things they do but don't realise. Like everything else marriage needs to be constantly worked at to get right. A happy marriage doesn't just happen. Good points, and no one I know is perfect.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      John I was waning when I wrote this and it made me stop and think about just how imperfect I am.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 3 years ago from Philippines

      These are simple truths that we all know but find ourselves doing, anyway. Some people have even developed some of these techniques to a fine art. I agree with you 100 percent and appreciate the simplicity and clarity with which you have expressed the obvious (yet often forgotten) ways that a marriage can go south.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much grand old lady, Of course there was a lot of "mirror" time on this hub.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Every close relationship is a mirror of who we are no matter if it is a close friend, a spouse. So long as each person understand that, then there can only be growth. If one partner has grown beyond the role play, but the other has not, then a relationship might brake apart, so a new partnership can be formed in order to learn more about yourself. It's an ongoing progress.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      So awesome Nadine. After writing this, I just said "Eric take your ego and stuff it where the sun don't shine" And I began to praise my spouse no matter what. She told me how much more happy she is these days. -- Right and wrong do not me crap. Love means everything.

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