Hey kid! Let us sit down and talk a bit. I need your advice. How to talk with a teen.
Life is good together
Hey kid. You are not doing it right. You have issues.
Hey kid. You are not doing it right. You have issues.
“Oops I meant that about me, what I meant was; “come straighten me out, I am doing something wrong and need your advice.”
Kid look at me, I am old, wrinkled and by your standards ugly as a bug. (note that kid here is wrongful –it really means a young Billy goat, but I say like kii’d, and it works for me – got it from a movie, Butch Cassdy and the Sundance kid, it works and more about that later)
You see I am older and the youngster is younger. That is just a natural fact. “Come listen and/or chat for a bit. Talk to me about you. So that I can get over me.”
Just toss yourself into the world that I live in. If a child does wrong that is on me. Sometimes that is hard to take. Sometimes it just does not fit right. But there we are. I am the adult. If the child is doing something wrong then so am I. It might sound crazy but the best advice to straighten it out is from the child. I wish I could give you some sage wisdom on that but in fact it “just is”.
Roses are red .......
Lighten up a little.
If you have a significant impact in someone’s life and that life is not doing so well, well you ought to ask that life what you are doing wrong. Very logical. Very obvious. And very much not done. You have to come to realize that children are smart. Just not experienced. Well sometimes that is a good thing. Experience is had from others and dealings with others. The child is unique. So applying all your experience to them is good but fails to take into consideration them as unique persons that have their own ideas.
Strange isn’t it. Let me tell you a story about right here and right now. I published a bad forum. Just plain bad. I did it to get attention. I got it. Now I suppose that is childish. I criticized fictional people. I mean obviously fictional people. The heat came down. Within hours I got five new followers and my views tripled. We have to get over it because that is just life. My point is that I wanted attention so I “acted out”. Now the adults around me should have seen this and sat down with me and got me on track. Fair enough that they did not. They make more money from me acting out as is clear from our joint revenues.
But we do not have that call regarding children. Our only job is their welfare. And sometimes it is best for that welfare that they have calm important impact on how they are treated.
Did you ever tell them they are your hero?
Love needs time, your time.
Empowerment? Enabling? Or just plain of good respect?
Sometimes we are wise to let a child criticize us. I mean by that, to really sit down and listen to what they would do if they were you. And then discuss it. I think I was 26 or so when I sat down with my eldest after she had gotten very mad at me. I suppose she would have been around 3.5 years old. And then a great realization struck me. My daughter was smarter than I was. She is nearing 30 and that assessment has proven true. Oh she still tells me I am the smartest “man” she has ever known. Get that point?
In fact I remember that discussion. She did not want to go to church school anymore she wanted to go to Montessori school. Her reason was very clear. She could walk to that school. I agreed and a couple of Cum Laude’s later she proved it was a good choice. And now she is one of those people that are in politics because it is a good public service to give back.
Have you learned a lesson from a child lately?
Do not miss out. Will you talk to a teenager today?
Do not go all crazy here.
Part of those conversations has to be that you explain that you are the boss. End of story. For me, I leave off the all the pressure and worry that has with it. There will be plenty of time for any child to learn that later.
My blocks are now my son's blocks
Now, "how to talk to a teenager"
With respect! No I am not suggesting that they become your equal. I am not my bosses equal but he and she treat me with respect. I am not any God’s equal yet I feel God treats me with respect.
It is ok to sometimes say “Because I said so” and have it stick. But that requires that the teenager respects you and that must be a two way street. Believe it or not, my wife says that to me. And it is a great relief. It means I do not have to worry over the right and wrong of a decision. It has been made for me by someone I trust. Try to relate that truth to a child. And I find the best way to do that with a teenager is to make them make some hard decisions by themselves. Life is not always easy. But we should be grateful when someone makes it a bit more easy. Guess what, teenagers get that if you put it that way.
Now about the "me" part.
Teenagers are super cool. Even “bad” ones. As a teenager I thought of myself as a bad dude. I even had a girlfriend who said she loved me because I was so bad. She ruined it for me. And along with a big brother and a teacher I learned to find out that I was really a good guy. My internal dialogue did not tell me so. It took older people sitting down and actually talking with me to get me to understand that I was not bad but actually really a good guy.
That experience stuck with me. My gratitude for being talked to as a person who was worthy actually changed my vision of myself into someone who was worthy.
Now I take the time to talk with teens. I like them very much. They seem to like me. I learn a lot from them and am told they learn a lot from me. I must admit they are generally more judgmental than adults. And funny thing about that is that they are not generally as happy as adults. They just have not yet adjusted to the craziness of this world and are still trying to make sense of things that do not make sense. That seems to bother them. Perhaps it should bother us too.
Hey punk do not steal my stuff
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