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I Ain’t a Kidding Nobody But Myself, I Am Not Doing Well

Updated on December 11, 2018
Ericdierker profile image

Cancer and children and degrees have taught me that I am an expert. Perhaps a doctorate makes me an expert at missing the mark.

Let's See Where This Road Goes!

This gravel is kind of hard on my bare feet.
This gravel is kind of hard on my bare feet. | Source

If You Know The Answers Send Me a Line

There was this man, over forty years a friend, confidant, coach and law partner. Well he still is a man. We were working on one hell of a legal row together last week. He yelled “PAUSE” into the phone. And on our one drive type deal. “Dierker go take a hot and cold shower and do that thing where you pinch yourself. This is tough stuff and you are having too much fun. Get a grip and get serious.” All I could say was; “Sorry buddy but I am having more fun than a 4 year old at Christmas tossing the toys aside and loving the boxes”.

“Eric you are disgusting, you act like you are a giddy 16+ girl going to her first prom”. “Stay focused!”

“But if I catch them in an inconsistent statement from each other we can pin the defendants against each other and do a divide and conquer deal. She said she had no knowledge of the events; that means she cannot refute another’s declaration of the action”. “Now that is all Perry Mason and Matlock”. “Let’s get ‘er done”.

“Eric it is time you did some hiking and gardening and ate some mellow herbs”. Buddy OK, OK call me when you can catch up.” I told him.

And another day is in mellow swing as it is 5 hours since I “went” to work and 9am is on the horizon I suppose. I often wonder why my dreams are action, adventure movies. I have not had a good day in years. I just quite simply have great days. Most like to say that my life stinks because of this and that. Going after “this and that” makes any day as fine as the last which will not be as fine as tomorrow.

My boy and I worry about him growing up. We discuss it. Playing catch the other day he related a little something he figured out. Personally I get rather frightened when an 8 year old figures something out. Normally it kind of sets my world a bit sideways. Maybe Vertigo hits me mentally. Maybe it is my acrophobia and the heights they bring me to scares me. It is not so bad I sweat and shiver and tingle uncontrollably. I assume that is just my advance age.

“Dad I am not worried about growing older and not being a happy kid anymore.” “Wow boy that is great”. I am super happy for you. Why?

“Because you are old and still a kid”.

Thanks boy.

I Just Don't Know a God Who Is Not Love. Sorry If You Do.

Just Stop It. Get On That Bus Headed For Paradise

Get on a bus and trolley train and in a taxi. It is great for the spirit. I did it yesterday with no destination, Next Stop - Love Central.
Get on a bus and trolley train and in a taxi. It is great for the spirit. I did it yesterday with no destination, Next Stop - Love Central. | Source

Perhaps I Just Don't Get Life.

I found myself worrying the other day about my wife worrying the other day about something that happened and should have bothered me the other day and I was not attentive the other day. I was exhausted just figuring the days. So I busted out the mop, the duster and vacuumed and kicked some butt on my home. Actually I was worrying about worrying the other day. I went to the barber for a shave and a haircut. Alright I just turned on a talk show like at my barber’s and did it all myself. Dad said that barbershops are a social deal not a grooming deal. Funny but he was the Health Director for our county and took me with him to inspect the barber premises. One time out back of the cabin he buzzed my hair to a quarter inch and then let me do him – Holy crap was I nervous. I guess I just get nervous and worry too much sometimes. Sorry if it comes across and I worry you. How rude would that be? I would worry about that --- OK stop it Eric.

Now I reckon you would conclude I am the most anal worrywart ever. How else could I write this? But let us get down to the kicker licker. All that fuss and fury worry exists in my life. And I figure I pray about an hour all told during any given day, probably a good average, round out. The aforementioned worries take up about a good full half a minute of my day.

They come and they exist and they go away like night in the morning. The last night never to exist or be seen again. Some lessons learned might get etched into my bone head but not many.

I exercise and eat pretty right. I love my very amateur cooking. Just yesterday I pegged a bullet stike into a 2X2 target with a football at 30 yards. I outran my eight year old up an incline. (laugh about the running – you do it and good luck and I will bet against you). We do not do healthy to be healthy. Yuk!

We do life and it is healthy. Can you even imagine an 8 year old playing videos for three hours a day? I just cannot wrap my head around that.

I will be back I am doing some weeding, folding the laundry, finishing dishes and mopping before my next o so boring conference call on legalities of this Bitcoin thing. If you need a sleeping pill just call me and I will explain my take on the SEC infringement of the Interstate Commerce Clause and the World Trade Organization and International Monetary Fund position papers and developing economies and tradeable “Cyber Coin” nuances. Actually do call me around 10 pm my time so we can fall asleep together.

Not fun stuff but real fun stuff to sleep on.

Bad Day?

So I gardened yesterday, I have about a third of an acre of great dirt. But I gardened my boy instead.
So I gardened yesterday, I have about a third of an acre of great dirt. But I gardened my boy instead. | Source

I Did A Stint As A Tuesday And Saturday Guest Singer For A Cover Band of These Guys.

Don't Knock On My Door, I Am More Lost Than You

Back off Jack. My poor mop is mending it’s wounds in the garage. The vacuum is sadly in place next to it. Dishes are not just clean but could serve in an operating theatre in any hospital. Ok I broke protocol and a ten minute surrey with a 4 inch green as heck grasshopper. Almost like a Praying Mantis. My boy will need to figure out origin, genus as species.

It is not of me it is “in” me. This caress of the wonderment of life. I make no effort here to be content. Contentment just jumps up, bites me in the butt cheeks and does not let go. I got no clue how this dandy like candy works. Seems to me I do all I can to wreck it like the Edmund Fitzgerald or Titanic.

So where does the great day come from to the exclusion of a “doing well” day which really adds up to a great life if you like logic and mathematics? Please come on by and snoop around my spaces as I pass out in looking forward to tomorrow. My wife has been looking for my secret drug for years and has not found my stash. I even forgot where it is. I fare the well a drunken state. Oh not of booze, usually, but of lack of sobriety. No one ever accused me of being sober. I am intoxicated in life and love. Goofy as a Mosquito flying into a snow storm.

I hope that boy finds more purpose than I. I hope he bears the wait/weight of humanity without a jolly moment in sight. I hope he grows up to be a real man. Tougher than nails and waiting to take numbers and kick ass. Is that what good dad’s do I wonder.

I think our title kind of explains my book:

I Ain’t a Kidding Nobody But Myself, I Am Not Doing Well

For you see I cannot do well, I tried and let go. We just do great. Each day a new day that the Lord has made and we shall be glad and rejoice in it.

Oh by the by the boy started laughing at me when I told him he “had to get tough to make it”. What the heck, I tried, albeit not hard.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      5 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chris today I really tried to get angry. I am proud to announce that I did it twice. But I confess it was just for a dozen seconds or so. I have to work on this doing poorly deal. Folks get irritated.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      5 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chris yesterday we went on a poop hike. Coyote or Bobcat. Cats pull in the knife like claws.Meaning a a dig does not retract. And only an owl makes pellet. We sat for lunch and there after saw the rabbit stuff. W4 cannot be less than God's gift. Monday we track and get those pests. Some folks have guns. That very strange.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      5 months ago from Lowell, MA through the end of May, 2019.

      Eric, would your son consider a run for the presidency? Like in 2020? Anyway, I like the "not doing well" and all that is sandwiched in between. Challenging article.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 months ago from Sunny Florida

      As long as you can be a kid and enjoy your son I would say you are blessed immensely. I see nothing wrong in anything your wrote. I really enjoy reading these articles about you and your son.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Sean I thank you brother. I was just thinking about the fact that it takes a whole lot more muscles to frown than to smile. Well I think maybe the same as it just might take more energy to get old than to be an old kid.

    • Sean Dragon profile image

      Ioannis Arvanitis 

      6 months ago from Greece, Almyros

      “Because you are old and still a kid.”

      The best prize a father can get! Proud of you!

      Love always!

      Sean

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Manatita thank you. Isn't it strange to come at feeling well as not good enough. If I love "well" is just not where it is at.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda sometimes this joy and happy routine gets tough. It seems to really bother some folks. But my besties of 40+ years now call me up to see how I am doing. What frauds they are, they are just calling to get a happy boost. Life does not get better.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ann, go for it. Kids just love that stuff. Something about self esteem maybe? They somehow think they are more important. And they think you are even more more more super for thinking that.

      Just my thoughts.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora you just made me think if friends such as yourself are a root of joyful. The root unseen by others perhaps but nevertheless that which the flower of love comes from. (yes this will idea will be discussed more. Super thanks.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      6 months ago from Minnesota

      I don't often meet people that are as happy as myself-my whole life my twin sister & I have had to explain why we are happy and how it's part of our make-up. I have learned to let go of worrying about those that think our happiness level is fake. I bet you have heard the same about your joyful attitude. Keep on living everyday to the fullest my friend. It is contagious!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      6 months ago from SW England

      i'll see what I can do, Eric!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      6 months ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, you have contentment on the inside, love all around you in your household, plus love and respect from your writing buddies, including me. I'd say that that you're doing better than many. You continue to inspire and encourage us through your unique form of storytelling; hope you get back some encouragement from our appreciation. Thank you.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ann I am so excited about you spending time with your little ones. Such a treasure.

      I have no right to ask but would you, for me, toss around a "steno" pad, you write they write makes no difference to me. Just what they express opens my heart so I can see.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      6 months ago from SW England

      This is absolutely delightful, Eric! Why should we ever stop being kids? Seeing things through the eyes of a child, as I do with my grandchildren, is so refreshing. I join in with their silly games and jump and run and be aeroplanes - and I feel so great! Life is too serious and that gives us a let out clause - be a child and put a better perspective on life.

      Thanks for brightening up my day and bringing back the fun. I shall spend the weekend with my grandchildren and that will be full of fun and madness; can't wait!

      Keep on doing everything excellently, thinking like a kid (according to your son) and making the world a much more interesting place!

      Ann

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you so much Mary. My boy and I are concentrating on the "Art of Trying" perhaps a book in the nook.

      Perhaps if we did it right, like 90% of the time we would ultimately be the most boring person in the world.

      Friend do not win or lose let us run the race together.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      6 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      I don't know what to say. I love that title. i can relate to this as i try each day to be upbeat but sometimes, I get beaten. The negative just overpowers all my trying. Next time, I'll have to let go and enjoy whatever comes.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      By golly John we are cooking. I really only wanted about have the cabbage chopped up. But what the heck he was having so much fun with out machine. (should have done it by hand). So it will be a mushy slaw, but my fried onions and homemade croutons will soak stuff up.

      I try that Jedi Mind Trick thing; "There is nothing to see here". But that is just not happening.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      6 months ago from Queensland Australia

      You do have a way of making us all sit back and take a good look at our lives and stop taking stuff for granted. Like you, we need to embrace every day as a great day and rejoice in every challenge it brings. Most of the time I am a big kid at heart, and at others, I just take things too damned serious. there must be a good balance here somewhere. Great message, Eric.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori the floodgates of loving tears are open. Why not? I ask. Do I have something better to do than suffer tears of joy?

      OTOH I am trying to nail these crafty bastards who have denied a man of his hard earned wages. And I go get the boy to dribble the basketball one mile home. I wonder about this notion of "good" and "bad" but you clarify by being what is good.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda, all things being square (is that still a legal term) I am having a bad day. On these days I dawn my leathers and attack encroaching Mallow. Leave enough to protect the winter garden and enough for seasoning and eating,but I get ugly on the rest.

      I remember when I toiled on another man's soil. Danged darn fine to have my own.

      I say my home is freedom. And the love of folks like you lift me to a higher plain.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill if you ever imagined a big 18 wheeler and you are slamming the breaks, down shifting and flippin your clutch like some kind of tap dancer and blowing your horn harder than law allows heading down into Grand Rapids So. Dakota you would understand that concept as the trailer starts trying to whip around you so you have to hit the gas on the black ice.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      6 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      "This caress of the wonderment of life." That is beautiful poetry and says it all. May I just say you are so Pollyanna? I mean that in the most sincere and positive way. We need more people like you who spread optimism everywhere you go. I am a half full kind of person. God bless.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      6 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, I wish this thing that has infected you could become a pandemic and infect the planet. You've met Death and laughed in his face and (unlike the rest of us) you don't take one moment for granted. You revel in life, giddy with glee, and thanking God for every blessed second.

      You've given me the bug and I thank you with all my heart.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 months ago from Olympia, WA

      The tough get run over by semis just like the weak do. Just sayin'

      I don't know what the hell that means, but I like it. :)

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