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We miss nana -- the death and loss of a grandmother, through the eye's of a child.

Updated on November 13, 2012

Tonight, I overheard my children talking to their cousins about their pain upon finding out their grandmother was now in Heaven.

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Grief, does it ever really end?

Tonight, my ten and eight year old children were outside playing with their cousins (ages seven and nine). I saw them sitting and talking on the porch and decided to listen in.

I overheard my son say "I thought we would never stop crying". His sister and cousins agreed. "When we found out Nana died, we didn't know how it would ever be ok again." My daughter said, "I didn't know how I would stop crying, and I don't think our friends understood how sad we are because nana died."

They then went on to discuss how sad it was to see my sisters and I cry, and cry, and cry. But they didn't say it with worry, they said it with concern. Their words were genuine and compassionate.

As heart wrenching as it was to hear them discuss their loss and anguish, it was a privlege to overhear their discussion and honesty with each other.

I must admit, in the almost six months since my mom died, there have been days I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I do it, out of duty, and also out of love for my own children.

My mom grieved the death of her own mother when I was just five years old. I remember thinking that my mom would never stop crying, and that our lives would never be the same again.

Yet, I don't remember my mom outwardly grieving after the funeral was over.

I have learned that her generation kept so much to themselves. I am sure my mom cried in the car, the shower, and other occasion she had time alone.

Sadly, that is the one thing I wish I could have talked with her about. I wish I would have said "mom, how did you get over losing your mama"?

I asked her about every other life topic. How did you know how many kids to have? How did you get through those difficult days in marriage that we all encounter? How did you survive your children growing up and sometimes breaking your heart? How did you love us on the days we didn't deserve your love and support?

But never did I ask her about how she coped with the loss of her own mother.

My mom would often tell me that our generation was so much further ahead than her own, because we talked everything through with our children and each other.

If she was here today I would say, "yes mom, we do talk everything through, but what do I say to my kids when they talk about how much they miss you and hate that your gone, when I can't stand it myself?"

Even though my mom didn't talk about grieving her mom, there were times she would say she still missed her "mama". Her mom died 40 years ago. My mom lived 40 years after her mother died.

On her 80th birthday March 6th, my mom had a birthday card in her purse that her mother had given her. My mom was anticipating a reunion with her mother....after all of those years, she still longed to talk with her and be with her again.

The one thing that I know kept my mom going was her Christian faith. She lived her life to please others and not herself, she loved and loved and loved other people.

So today, I miss her as much as ever, but I will remember that my hope is in God and because of his Son, I will see my mom again!

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten son, whoever believes in Him shall not die but have eternal life!

God, give my mom a hug for us -- tell her I will see her again, soon!

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  • Tami Fite profile imageAUTHOR

    Tami Fite 

    5 years ago

    azure sky - thank you for your comment -- you are so right, I felt as though life should stop because the most wonderful woman on this earth was no longer here! Death is such an irrational journey. Thank God I have hope in Heaven! God bless you -- what a beautiful calling you have working with patients at the end of their life, and supporting their family. Bless you!!!!

  • azure_sky profile image

    azure_sky 

    5 years ago from Somewhere on the Beach, if I am lucky :)

    It is a journey that everyone of us will take. Losing a loved one is never easy....especially a Mom that you grow up to be best friends with. I remember having to go to the store and buy leotards for my young daughters to wear to my Mom's funeral. I saw people walking around, laughing...and I wanted to yell at them and say "Hey people!!! My Mother just died!!! How can you go on with your lives when she just died??"..... Now I deal with death of my patients on an almost daily basis....and I see the same look in their loved ones eyes. Best of luck to you in your journey.

  • Tami Fite profile imageAUTHOR

    Tami Fite 

    6 years ago

    Thank you for reading teaches12345 -- God has been my only source of hope and comfort, and I am thankful He lined up my life with wonderful people like you on hubpages. It has been a great source of comfort to me to have the opportunity to share my heart in this way. God bless you! Tami

  • teaches12345 profile image

    Dianna Mendez 

    6 years ago

    So sorry your children lost their nana so early in their lives. Death is hard to deal with at such a young age. I am glad that they have you to guide them through this time and the love of God to help them to heal.

  • Tami Fite profile imageAUTHOR

    Tami Fite 

    6 years ago

    Ditto :)

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 

    6 years ago from southern USA

    Yes, HE lives, tami! Amen dear one. You are a blessing to all of us here. In His Love, Faith Reaper

  • Tami Fite profile imageAUTHOR

    Tami Fite 

    6 years ago

    Bless you Faith Reaper -- this is a journey of faith without a doubt...and it is amazing how kids cope with pain and loss... it was so precious and such a privlege to be able to hear them talking about their own grief with one another. God bless you & keep you .... because HE lives, we can face tomorrow! Tami

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 

    6 years ago from southern USA

    Oh, God bless you dear Tammy - no one, I mean no one, will not be able to keep the tears from flowing after reading this excellent heartfelt write. I am a Nana too. Whew, this is a tough one, as my mother will be 84 years old in December, and we know time is short, but I do not even want to go there. As I have stated here many times, I am blessed to have the sweetest mother on the planet. If I had overheard such a conversation, I, too, would have not been able to stop crying for a very, very long time, as that just pierces straight into one's heart like a dagger. When my children were young, I would just cry and cry in the shower or when I was totally by myself, and as you stated that is most likely what your wonderful mother did, so as to not upset you. I remember my children pounding on the doors to the bathroom and I would have to get myself together before I went out of that door. This is the most beautiful heartfelt share I believe I have read. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all here. I am like you in that I have my faith as a Christian, that without a doubt, I will see my loved ones again, and it will be as if no time has ever lapsed. Children are so sensitive to those they love deeply, and I know it must have helped them to speak freely about what was on their hearts. In His Love, Faith Reaper

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