I Wore a Sleeveless Top Today
Today I woke up in the mood to conquer the world and wow the world with my confidence. It was that mood where you feel like no one can touch you. You are so high up on cloud nine such that no one and nothing can bring you down. That place where sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. I wore a sleeveless top today.
This might seem like no big deal to most people but to me it really is. Growing up, I was always the fat girl who never looked good in anything. I hated my body because society told me that I didn't have the right look. I tried dieting, but it never worked. I tried exercising and dancing. Anything to make sure that I got the body that everyone demanded I have. Nothing worked.
So I resorted to shutting the world out. I hated clothes shopping trips to the mall with my mom because nothing ever fit right. Clothes shopping is only fun for the slim people, right? Because everything is bound to fit. I stopped going out as much and just found comfort in eating my woes away.
Later on, in my senior year in high school, my body began to change. I finally had a waist line! I could actually fit in normal clothes for my age and height. I was on a slow road to recovery.
When I went off to university things just got better from there. I actually looked good and people started seeing me as me. Not just the fat girl who seriously needed to go on a diet. Guys noticed me. People would complement my shape. It felt good. After years and years of people chipping away my confidence I felt like I finally made it. Like people could actually see past my skin and look at who I was on the inside.
So today having the courage to wear a sleeveless top and actually take off my hoodie was a big feat for me. I was reluctant at first. The sun was blazing down on me as I walked to class yet I was tempted to cover up because people like me don't deserve to walk confidently in a sleeveless top.
But not today. Today I decided to take a huge step. A step towards self-acceptance and self-healing. I embraced my stretchmarks from a sudden growth when I was about nine. I embraced the fact that my arms weren't toned. I embraced me. All of me. Imperfections and all. I am proud of myself simply because I wore a sleeveless top today.
© 2017 Valerie