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I Was Not One of the Lucky Ones!

Updated on July 18, 2017

There isn't always a happy ending.

For us, IVF is over.

It hard to say that, hard to accept! I never thought i would say those words without having a child.

But here i am, i said it, and i am childless, and guess what, i am okay!

Yes, i could try again, if i really wanted to find thousands and thousands of pounds i am sure i could, but in my opinion there has to be a point where you say, enough is enough, i need to save myself, and us as a couple, from the depths of this battle we are loosing.

So i raise both hands up, i give in, i am in too much pain, and i surrender.

I am not afraid of admitting this, i have read articles where people say they will persist until they have a child, and they are strong, to go through all that comes with it time and time again, but that doesn't mean i am weak, it means i am strong enough to say, i tried, i teetered on the edge of falling over a cliff into all sorts of mental health problems, and a pulled myself back and was strong enough to say that's it, i don't want to damage myself any further, i am done.

For us we have said never again, after 4 cycles, and 2 miscarriages, one at 3 months, that's enough for us to be satisfied that we tried what we could, and the fear of getting to that 3 month mark, and then loosing the baby and being in that much pain along with having to stay in hospital is too terrifying for me, i still have nightmares about it now, a year and a half later.

But there is a void left, this process that we were a part of, this goal we had that every part of our life was controlled by has now gone, and it has been hard to adjust.

But it gets better, and life goes on, so please don't be afraid to make that decision, because ultimately if you aren't healthy enough, physically yes but mentally and emotionally then what would be the point anyway?

Infertility is so many things, not many of them are positive!

Infertility is..
Infertility is.. | Source

Of course everyone is different..

Of course this is my experience, and everyone is different, we used up our NHS funded cycles, and then that was when we finished.

We felt like we should use them all up, honestly if we had no more after the miscarriage we wouldn't have wanted to go again, the whole cycle was spent terrified it would happen again and mad as it may sound we were almost glad when we got a BFN because at least then we weren't as risk again!

How long did it take you to decide?

How many cycles did you do before deciding enough was enough?

See results

For all the pain and despair, there has to be some humour in all of this doesn't there?

SO MANY TIMES
SO MANY TIMES | Source

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    • Post ivf profile image
      Author

      Post IVF 7 weeks ago

      Hey.

      Thank you for saying so!

      I write a lot more on my blog ... www.postivfworld.wordpress.com

      I am so sorry you have had such a tough time! It is such a difficult journey and one that the people close to us often find hard to understand!

    • Gabby McMahon profile image

      Gabby McMahon 7 weeks ago from Ennis, Co Clare, Ireland

      Hi, I really admire your honesty ans strength. I am too on the infertility roller coaster for the past 5.5 years. After countless failed IVF attempts, thousand of euros and 1 miscarriage we are still going strong and I am just 110% it will happen and as such I cannot give up on the dream yet. Wishing you all the best in the future.