I watched the movie Frozen and suddenly I am thawing!
Are you stuck in old ways or thoughts?
The other day I was sitting with my 10 month old granddaughter. This is a regular occurrence and one that I enjoy very much. On one of our earlier "dates" we watched the movie Frozen. We had to stop the movie about halfway through as it was bath time then bedtime.
So, when we had had lunch and play time I decided that we should finish our movie. I had not seen the movie before, though have friends with small children and was aware of it. And, one would have to live under a rock to not be familiar with the music from the film. Most known of course is the song "Let it Go" which even won the Oscar for best original song.
But of course my article is not about the movie nor the music. Rather, it's how the movie set in motion a train of thought that opened my eyes and my heart to consider some possibilities.
It seems that the old habits really have a way of staying, even when we make conscious, determined efforts to change them or rid ourselves of them.
I have made repeated efforts to let go of old ways of thinking and feeling and to find new or improved ways of being. One goes along a good while after said changes and can be lulled into a false sense of security that the changes are going to simply become permanent in and of themselves.
But, what I am learning is that these behaviors and ways of thinking took a long time, even decades to become fixed and it will take a lot more than wishing them to be gone or different for it to be lasting. What is needed is a plan for continued release and "letting go" of the things we wish to be different.
What might you do differently?
I suggest taking an inventory of your present life. Are you feeling powerful and empowered? Or are you perhaps feeling negative thoughts about where you are at? I think one of the biggest challenges we face in life is the negative self talk that plays in our heads.
For whatever reason, we seem to be really expert at talking negatively and meanly to ourselves when we aren't where we might wish to be physically, or metaphorically. I know that I can be quite mean to myself. There have been times that as the words are leaving my mouth and spewing venomous feelings about how bad I am that my higher self will be dialoging how what I'm saying is beyond mean and hurtful. I find this dichotomy fascinating. Obviously, some change has already taken place if my brain can recognize the futility and destructive power of my mean self talk as I'm in the midst of it! For this I am grateful.
But, I wish to cut the cord to the negative self talk BEFORE it leaves my mind, or my mouth. That is where the letting go comes in.
You are in charge-which direction will you choose?
At this juncture it is up to you to make a choice. Do you want to continue the negative self talk and negative energy or are you willing to let it go?
It can be easier to just keep the same old behavior and thought processes as they are what you know. Certainly it is less work than making a conscious change to let go of the negative and choose instead to be self affirming and kind.
I have to actually listen to the way I speak to myself and let it wound me to realize how hurtful it really is. It is in hearing the power in the words and thoughts that I realize I would never wish to speak to another person the way I do to myself. It is simply anathema to me to be so deliberately hateful. Why it is so easy to be this mean to myself is something I still try to understand.
It is here that my heart started to thaw. I was so caught up in this way of being that I had hardened and frozen my heart to how I treat myself. But, somehow the movie wove into my subconscious and I could internalize it's message. I found that my cold heart could become warm with compassion if I simply thought about myself as a worthy recipient of my love and caring.
This then opens me to not only stop expressing negative, mean self talk, but to working actively at speaking lovingly and affirmingly to myself. Once this process begins, it can take on a life of it's own.
Once we make conscious that which is operating unconsciously it becomes more difficult to stay with the old ways and more easy to adapt to new ways of being.
Do you want to unthaw your heart?
If, like me, you are desirous of changing the way you think or talk about or to yourself, then let's get busy with making some positive changes.
How might you let go of what is holding you back? One technique is to find positive affirmations and put them where you can see them every day. Louise Hay is a great resource for finding positive affirmations. Deepak Chopra has some good affirmations as well. Or you can simply find quotes that speak to how you are feeling and write them out. I have sticky notes in my bathroom (on the mirror) on my refrigerator and above my desk. These are little quotes to help remind me of my wish to be different. Maybe it's a statement that simply says "I am enough". I have one that states that I am no less than anyone else and no one is more than me.
One affirmation that will help you is to just look in the mirror at yourself; look into your eyes, and say "I love you just the way you are.". This sounds very simple, but it might actually be very difficult. Observe yourself as though you are watching somebody else. Can you say "I love you" and not break from looking in your eyes? Do you feel love swell in your heart, or is it just words?
I suggest that you try this at least once a day and repeat this as often as you like until you can look into your eyes and state confidently "I love you just the way you are" and know in your heart that it's true! Once you have been able to achieve this, you are well on your way to being positive and kind to yourself.
You now have a great platform in which to work on being positive in all areas of your life. Now you can let go of the negative self talk and anything else that has been standing in the way of you and your best self.
Other techniques for letting go
I think that journaling is an excellent way to get clear on yourself and any issues you are having. You can write to just open the stream of consciousness. What you uncover in this way can be very revealing and helpful. I have gone back and reread journals and discovered some eye opening facts about myself.
Another option is to work with another person. You can find a qualified therapist for talk therapy to help build your self esteem and to help you let go of the negativity. There are many options for this type of work. Perhaps working with a Health Coach would be useful in looking at the whole mind/body connection and deconstructing where the negativity is coming from. You might discover that there are dietary factors at play? Maybe you are eating or drinking something that ultimately leaves you feeling depressed or not your best? Perhaps even moderate consumption of alcohol, such as a glass of wine on occasion is causing you problems?
My suggestion is to start with yourself and then reach out to others if you are still not making the progress you are looking for.
It is said that what we focus on we manifest. Put another way; you can't expect positive outcomes from negative thinking. Instead of thinking "I am such a loser, how will I ever have enough", reframe this thought into something like "I am a good and kind person and the universe (God) will help me be the best I can be."
It may sound over simplified, but if done consistently over time, you will start being drawn toward the positive expression and not by the negative or fear.
Putting it into action
My suggestion is to make the decision to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back. If you are stuck in negative self talk or belief, start by doing the exercise with the mirror and expressing self love.
Add a few affirmations that you find, or create your own. Place them where you will see them daily and say them aloud to yourself regularly. Practice regularly at being kind and loving toward yourself. If/when you catch yourself being mean or negative toward yourself, don't beat yourself up; just gently reframe in a loving manner and keep striving to stay positive. You may not see change as quickly as you like, but you will see change! Just remember to keep exercising your muscle of self love for it to become strong and consistent.