ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Impressions of Bi-polar

Updated on October 21, 2013


There is much literature published on the subject of bi-polar disorder and many accounts of personal experiences living with this complex illness. My experience is somewhat tricky. Although being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and having spent time on medication that turned me into a zombie, I was also diagnosed with underactive thyroid at roughly the same time.My thyroid problems were so severe that even my consultant was perplexed and unsure which was actually causing my symptoms.

Childhood memories

Much of my childhood was plagued with periodic outbursts of anger and self destruction. My moods would change as regular as the weather and from the outside I probably just appeared a very spoilt brat! My mother recalls me standing in a busy street after a visit from my grandmother screaming at the top of my voice because I wanted to go home with her. She added that neither of them could get near me as I just screamed even louder! On another occasion I recall aggressively ripping a photo from my bedroom wall in a fit of rage after completing a sponsored swim with the olympic swimmer David Wilkie and being photographed with him. Shame! that photograph was my pride and joy. Thrusting my hand through my bedroom window and baricading myself in my room while the blood soaked through my Levis is another dark memory I harbour while my poor father sat with me in A and E waiting for the nurse to stitch me up. To the frustration of all those who loved me especially my parents, self destruction was a big part of my growing up.


As with many who suffer from mental health issues phsychiatrists become part of your inner circle of friends! (actually I do have a good friend who practices phsychiatry, but thankfully she is simply my friend and has never imposed any of her professional opinions on me. Well, not very often!) One of my later memories of being dragged to a consultation was at school. I was 16yrs old and out of frustration would frequently destroy art work that I was preparing for my finals. My art teacher could not understand after spending many hours on my paintings why I coudn't accept that they were 'exceptional' and that I had 'real potential' as an artist. I didn't want to be an artist. I just wanted my art to be perfect. After all, it was going to be displayed for the whole school to see, more importantly for the external examiner. Not understanding my disruptive behaviour, I was summoned to the heads office a few days later and asked to explain my outbursts. To my utter despair I COUDN'T! Faced with the prospect of my parents finding out, I agreed to see a school psychologist which I was assured would be private and confidential. I continued to visit her every week, Tuesday at 1pm until eventually out of sheer boredom I somehow talked my way out of the sessions and was dismissed.

(Please scroll down)

Treatments for bi-polar

There are many treatments available for bi-polar depending on the symptoms of the illness for the individual.Specific types for 'episodes,' for example antidepressants or cognitive behaviour for depression or lithium and anti-phsychotics for mania. It does take alot of time to find the best treatments for a particular person and it is often a case of trial and error.

About bi-polar and me

Also known as 'manic depression', although I prefer the reference bi-polar. It is a brain disorder, a chemical imbalance which causes the sufferer to experience severe mood swings. For many depression is the initial phase which can last for days,weeks even months if not treated.I guess I display the usual signs,I'm tired alot of the time,I cry alot ,I have no self confidence or drive and I may overeat,undereat or abuse alcohol.The manic stage can appear much later changing the diagnosis from depression to bi-polar. Everyones experiences are different depending on the severity of their illness but for me personally, this is usually my most creative time. I am usually happy, high functioning and enjoying myself. Unfortunately I can also be chaotic during these times and the creativity soon turns into an impossible mission, dispelling any enjoyment and resulting in despair again.


Throughout my life I,ve always known I've been a little different. At first, in my younger days this was a huge problem for me on many levels.In general teenage years are always the most difficult, but when you're also struggling with fundamental issues about who you are, and where you fit in this can be an almost unbearable, torturous time. Relationships were never easy for me. I was always told that I was highly intelligent at school and at college, and that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. How did I explain to people that it was just that which was the problem 'my mind'.I would find myself flitting from one thing to another not being able to satisfy my need for stimulation or simply ' bored out of my mind!' at listening to others talk endlessly about trivia that had no depth, and half the time getting their facts wrong anyway.I often felt conversing with people was pointless as they never appeared to have anything informative to say. I spent much of my teens feeling isolated because of this.

Thankfully, I grew up and have learned to live with my mental health issues. It can be challenging at times but I wouldn't want to live without them .I've learned to embrace them as part of who I am and I am me. My partner of 12yrs acknowledges that the ups and downs of living with me can be greatly exagerated but thankfully feels that although difficult at times, this can also be a good thing as everything becomes an adventure. My mother calls me a 'hero' as she sees the inner strength that often comes from the daily fight with my mind. As for others who are aquainted with me, well, who knows. In an ideal world I'm sure no-one would actually choose to live with bi-polar, but it isn't, and therefore learning to live with it is at best,the best solution.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • cherriquinn profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from UK. England. Newcastle upon Tyne

      Thanks for taking the time to read! Yes 12yrs with my partner but please don't be fooled into thinking everything has been plain sailing. The early years especially were very difficult due to my issues, but I guess my partners commitment has been strong and sincere throughout. She is of course grey now as a result! but hey at least her life has never been boring! Thanks again.

    • LDMcLeod profile image


      6 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      I can soooooo relate to you! I also have fabulous manic periods when I'm wildly creative, fun to be around, and almost painfully happy. They often turn into frustration when, like you, I try to leap tall buildings or something. And relationships.... I'm impressed that you've been with a partner for 12 years. Voted Up.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)