On Recovering from PTSD (after being psychologically-attacked)
On Getting Up After Being Traumatized
I was just thinking: "Didn't those suckers try and fool me into dying just last week?" Yes and when that wasn't effective, they tried to convince me that I was Jesus and tried to "Crucify" me. I stopped and looked at what they had been trying to make me be afraid of: in my case it was being "sick" because of their cursed 3-letter license plates and death itself. One great thing about having an attempt made on your life is that someone is afraid you'll still be around.......this makes a good argument for such a thing not being immanent. They know just about everything there is to know about me and then they flog me with it when I'm down.
I started using Kratom to kill that cursed "ringing in the ears". It felt like having one of those critters from Star Trek II being pulled out of my ears. One can try and try to tell anyone not experiencing JUST how awful this is, but no one truly understands it unless they are in OUR SHOES. It's a good thing to know, though: the primary way that they screw-up our brains is chiefly through AUDIOLOGICAL MEANS. By just having ONE EARPHONE IN, I was able to abort the "Fake Heart Attack" sequence. They even gave me the sensation that my body was being pulled from side-to-side to shake me out of my own body.
Now, they make this "Electronic Death" or "Sacrifice" seem to be a noble thing along with promises of Heaven and "Going Home". A lot of this seems to make sense to me, but you have to estimate JUST HOW FAR WE'VE GONE, TECHNOLOGICALLY-SPEAKING AND TO WHAT EXTENT IT "helps" PEOPLE and WHEN THESE "NEAR-DEATH-EXPERIENCES" TOOK PLACE..........EVERY SINGLE TIME I'VE EXPERIENCED THESE TRAUMATIC EVENTS were during PSYCHOLOGICAL MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS IN WHICH I HAD RUN OUT OF MEDICATION I'D BEEN USING TO SHUT THEM OUT. It looks like a giant scam to me in which people are made to confess to everything they've ever done wrong and are then CONVINCED to go through one of these N.D.I'S and BE REPROGRAMMED along lines which "look just great" unless you knew the person in the first place. To me, our society resembles one big Stepford Wives nightmare!
It is logical to say that we have developed the means to make someone think and feel "synthetic emotions". It is reasonable to say that some people are getting their minds severely messed-up. It is very likely that these instruments are virtually capable of reading the human mind and fooling it to psychologically (or even physically) self-destruct so that a more: logical, de-sexed and overly-nice version of themselves. It also just might have everyone TOO SCARED TO DO "ANYTHING WRONG" lest they be pelted by horrific thoughts, "killed", or programmed.
I've found that on a personal level, I've had to 1. Shut myself off, sexually-speaking 2. Become more logical and 3. Control my own thoughts on a continual basis and be a lot nicer to avoid this thing. But there's the fact that ANYTIME I'M WEAK, they will try and make a go at me. Everything was great with the Clonopin and after my mentally-traumatic experience, Kratom genuinely does make the cursed ringing in the ears go away. Unforunately, my ears tend to ring like "hell" whenever I'm thinking "out of line" with the "unspoken status quo" of society. This along with new implanted beliefs I had silently picked up were being used to manipulate when I was taking my Kratom. Knowing this, it's just an issue of how much money I'll have and how much Kratom I DON'T HAVE that will determine my next "synthetic N.D.I." and/or an attempt to Brainwash me will take place.
This reductionistic standpoint actually works for me, personally. I can calculate my next "Reality Attack" and ready myself for it. I'm not especially worried now because I have enough along with sufficient tranquilizers to stop them the next time this occurs. But I decided that RIGHT NOW, it was time to GEAR UP for the next event. There is a lot of fun to be had performing these steps to fight whoever-this-is. Knowing something that they will do is extremely powerful. They probably have computers to do the work of discovering when my next "all-time-low" is.
It just so happens that Kratom makes you feel OK ENOUGH DURING this "endless mental siege" that life CAN STILL BE AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE. I'd keep going without it, though. I consider myself "Mother Nature's Revenge".........I like the way things were and do not buy into this "New Philosophy". I do, however, have a good enough understanding of what I "should" and "should not" think to avoid getting harassed when I'm in a psychologically-weakened condition. You'd think now might be one of them........but psychologically: It simply is not the case. When you are truly free-minded, that's your cue to start DOING THINGS AGAIN.
This "moment of freedom" is a flash of recognition of who you really are before the system mind-f#$!#d you. Me, I'll be rebelling strategically. As my suffering becomes crystallized into withdrawal, I will push things just far enough until it's time for my next dose. In my case - everything is reduced to parameters I can understand and control. Sometimes they seem to be "punishing" me for no reason. At least in this case, I have something to feel guilty about so that the situation seems fairer to me.
I have only myself to blame for getting "too low", because these people have a very strange way of being merciful. You only are attacked ONLY when your mind is FEELING: hatred, sexual arousal or fear. If you can find a way to calm yourself down(any darned way that you can) they will immediately grant you some slack..........immediately and commisurate with the degree of positive feelings. This means that you should allow yourself to feel pretty awful before reaching for any "calming" medication. Actually, I am reaching more and more for my Abilify and not the Kratom/Clonopin which seems to get the job done. Contrary to what people tell us about electronic harassment, medication helps. Zoloft and Abilify are probably all you need for "shutting them out", but usually your mental techniques have to change, anyway. Sometimes you'll feel the need for a slight increase in Serotonin levels. They put it this way to me: It's "Politically-Correct, Non-Violent War".
They actually "kill"/brainwash you with primitive emotions Now, the average joe (like me) will not be very likely to calm down.........but through repetition (and feeling as though someone/something were trying to kill me) I've gone through the emotional mechanics of THINKING VERY POSITIVE under circumstances which seemed "severely hopeless". You must DISCONNECT yourself from your environment completely and FOCUS on that music you've got playing. Other noises will be so amplified and BINAURALlY-TAINTED that your environment becomes a "waking nightmare" the SECOND you allow yourself to lose your hold on the music. As usual, they called me a "cheater" for escaping their FAKE DEATH EXPERIENCE. They also called me a "Bum" just as I was walking out of a mental hospital after they had attacked me before. I look at it THIS way: who gave them the right to torture us and hunt us down like animals? Who gave them the right to mentally-rape us? Nobody.
So their concept of mercy is a lot different from ours. Calming music actually helps get me calm. Before I was BLASTING over them to literally "jam" them. But calm is better.......unless you are "filled with energy". In these instances "jamming out" is truly an awesome release of pent-up energy, but they will "punish" you for it (you'll only notice this only when you take out your earphones). It's better to listen to some "calming music" than just pulling your: headphone, earphones off immediately. It's that or calm yourself by will alone. I WAS taking my Clonopin after intense-work-outs........but they capitalized on that and just "turned up the heat" at that time. It was during this time that I would increase the dose along lines to DIRECTLY COMPENSATE for this increase. You could try to simply make no sudden, intense movements..........and be CALM ALL THE TIME. I find this very difficult to do......If you can do it, take the safer route: if not, there's the "limited alternatives which make life livable part of the time." That is whatever I know and whatever I find out in the future!