ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Jokes for Today's Senior Citizens

Updated on October 10, 2017
PAINTDRIPS profile image

As a Baby-Boomer, Denise and millions of others are becoming senior citizens. She explores what it means to be over 60 today.

Source

Funny Anecdotes

I have had the distinct pleasure and honor of teaching painting to senior citizens for over a decade. They always made me feel like a young chick and also gave me perspective on my own life and woes. One of the greatest things about hanging out with the seniors was their humorous way of looking at the world. They often told about funny things that happened to them in their life. But they would say some of the funniest things right off the cuff. The following are some of my favorite humorous anecdotes from the senior citizens in my classes.

Source

The Spare

One day the ladies at the painting table were discussing a mutual friend. I painted quietly and listened.

"Did you hear about Mrs. So-and-so," Annie asked?

"I heard her husband had a heart attack," I answered.

"Oh, didn't you year? He died last night," Annie corrected.

"That's too bad. I guess this means she's alone now?" I asked.

Without skipping a beat, Annie answered, "Yes, unless she's been keeping a spare in the closet!"

I know it was wrong to laugh at such a solemn occasion, but it tickled me to think of keeping a spare husband in the closet. When I got home I told my husband about the ladies comments. Immediately my husband got up, opened the coat closet and peered in.

"What are you doing," I asked?

"Just checking for spares."

Source

Telling Jokes

Do you like to tell jokes?

See results

One for the money

There was an 80-year-old woman getting married again for the 4th time. When the newspapers heard of it they sent out a reporter to interview her. The reporter asked, “So tell me about your other husbands.”

She said, “Well, the first one was a banker, a financier, he made tons of money. The second was a musician, a member of a very famous band back in the 60’s. We toured all over the world. The third was a minister. We had a little church back east.”

“And the man you’re marrying today?” the reporter asked.

“Well, he is a mortician. He owns a funeral parlor over on 6th street.”

“Can you explain how you came to marry 4 such totally different men?” the reporter asked.

“Oh that’s easy. One’s for the money, 2’s for the show, 3’s to get ready and 4’s to go.”

Amnesia

You know I think I had amnesia once…. Or was it twice?

“Most smiles start with another smile.”

Source

Married for Love

At a senior center where I work, there is an 80-year-old widower, Lou, who came regularly to paint in the watercolor class. For several weeks he missed the class because the bus brought him just late enough to see us clean up. We knew Lou was disappointed, so on this particular day, as we painted we were discussing possible solutions to his transportation problem. One of the widows, Betty, suggested she could pick him up if the bus could take him home. She wasn't sure where he lived and the others couldn't help. When he finally arrived, Betty jumped up immediately and approached him, suggesting she take him home so she would know where he lived. A shocked look came over Lou but then he collected himself and said calmly, "I have to be up-front with you. The first time I married for love and all I got was seven kids. This time I have to know, do you have money?"

Source

Hard of hearing

There were these 3 elderly men walking along together. The first says, “Kind of windy today, isn’t it?” The second says, “No, it isn’t. It’s Thursday.” The third says, “Me too. Let’s go get something to drink.”

Children Again

I bring painting classes to senior citizen's centers in my town. They also have lunch served there. One morning the coordinator of one site brought out a bolt of tablecloth plastic and asked for volunteers to cut it to fit the tables before lunch was to be served. Five elderly ladies got up and set up a worktable next to we painters. Armed with scissors, they were each giving instructions on how it should be done. It was a case of too many cooks and no one wanted to take directions. As the volume of the five volunteers escalated, it became harder and harder for the painters to keep from laughing.

After a while one of the painting ladies turned to me and whispered, "That's the problem with getting old, dear. We act like kids again, only we're not as cute!"

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

Pablo Picasso

Happy/ Pharrell Williams

Peer pressure

A reporter interviews a 104 year old woman and asks “What’s the best thing about living to 104?” She said, “No peer pressure.”

Source

Hearing Aide

So this elderly man is telling his neighbor over the fence about his new hearing aide. It cost him $4000 but it’s state of the art, and he can hear perfectly. “Really?” the neighbor says, “so what kind is it?”

The man replies, “It’s about twelve thirty.”

Newborn baby

So this elderly man shuffles up to his friend and says “Slim,” he says, “I’m 85 years old today and I got to tell you, I’ve got aches and pains in every part of my body. And you must be about the same ages as me, Slim. I never heard you complaining. Aren’t you hurting none?”

Slim says, “Well, I’ll tell ya, I feel like a newborn baby.”

“Really, Slim? A newborn baby?”

“Yep. I’m bald, got no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.”

Source

A Bad Man

I work with senior citizens daily so I am used to stories about the loss of a loved one. One day a 88 year old lady was brought in by her daughter to participate in our activities. She had lost her husband to cancer just a month before and her daughter felt she needed to get out of the house and be with people again.

As I listened to her talk about her departed husband, and the year she had spent nursing him during his long illness, I couldn't think of anything better to say than, "I'm so sorry. You must miss him very much." As soon as I said it, I knew it was stupid. Of course she misses him.

With a twinkle in her eye she looked at me and said, "Yes, but it wouldn't be so hard if he had just been a BAD man!"

"Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people."

- Matt Groening

Source

Rose

So these two couples were having dinner together and after dinner the ladies get up and take the dishes into the kitchen. So the men go into the living room to talk. And the first man says to the second, “Yesterday, we went to that new restaurant, and I got to tell you, it was wonderful. I would highly recommend this new restaurant.”

“Really?” the second man says, “so what’s the name of it?”

The first man thinks and ponders, scratches his head and rubs his chin, opens his mouth to say something only to close it again and shake his head. Finally he says, “What’s the name of that flower? You know the one that’s red and has thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“That’s it,” the first man says relieved and turning toward the kitchen, he yells, “Hey Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

Laughter is good medicine

Source

Speeding ticket

Did you hear about the 83 year old lady who talked her way out of a speeding ticket by telling the officer she had to GET there before she forgot where she was going and why.

2nd Thing to Go.

They tell me the memory is the second thing to go… I don’t remember the first.

New Hearing Aide

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids, which promise to allow him to hear 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.

The man says, “Oh, I haven’t told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I’ve changed my will three times!”

Source

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

Joseph Campbell

The Science of Happiness – Art Therapy

They come and go.

I've been painting for many years. I love oils and acrylics but always seem to return to watercolor for its speed and value. I can take watercolor on outings with little mess or fuss. Oils have the bad habit of smearing on the way home. I have won many awards over the years, including my signature membership with the Society of Western Artists. Teaching art is just a way to get to paint all the time.

My philosophy has been to encourage everyone in his or her art. One time a little (short) elderly lady painted with me for the first time. Her daughter brought her and she was very skittish and hesitant with her brush. She kept saying that she was making a big mess and she was good for nothing. I hate this kind of talk from anyone, so I went out of my way to praise her every effort no matter how small. Her first paint was really not that good, but I praised it like it was a Rembrandt. I told her she should save it and frame it. She left encouraged and returned the following week. I made her my special project, making sure she got lots of attention and praise.

Soon she was turning out fabulous work (really). Her friends and her daughter, who came with her, began teasing her calling her, saying, "Teacher's pet, teacher's pet." By that time she was the teacher's pet. She was dear and special to me. She will live forever in my heart. That dear sweet lady passed away in the spring, some years ago, after painting with me regularly for about 4 years. I write this with a tear in my eye. For you must know, working with seniors, you will see some of them pass before you are ready to. Dearest Betty, save a seat for me in heaven. We will paint the celestial shores together!

Source

Leave funny comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      FlourishAnyway,

      We need to laugh at least once every to, I think, to be healthy. So glad to contribute to your health and well-being!

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      3 years ago from USA

      These were great -- exactly what I needed. Thanks for the laughs.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Thank you Larry. I appreciate it.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 

      3 years ago from Oklahoma

      Lovely article. Look forward to reading more.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Catherine,

      I'll have to go check that one out. Confidentially I am a "senior" myself too this year. I turned 60 so I feel I can relate a bit. My mother is 83 and not showing too many signs of age at all... she's amazing. Hoping I can be like her.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 

      3 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Jokes with a splash of heartwarming stories of your work with senior centers--a good combo. Your title caught my high because I did a hub about seniors too "You know you are Getting Old When..." I am a "senior" myself so I know all the symptoms.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      sujaya venkatesh,

      Thank you so much for the vote of confidence.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Jodah,

      Hmmm, I'm not sure whether to laugh or moan at that one.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Perspycacious,

      Thanks. Eyes open, hearing aids on... all is a go. Wait, where were we going?

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Peachpurple, You are right. My hubby is the cutest. He keeps me in stitches all the time.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 

      3 years ago

      a great hub

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This hub has it all, it is funny, interesting and touching. The jokes and anecdotes about the seniors you teach and work with are wonderful. The jokes about bad hearing remind me of a riddle I heard while in school and proudly recited to my parents Q."Why did the man wear condoms on his ears?" A. "Because he didn't want to get hearing aids"

      My mother thought it hilarious, but my dad was not impressed.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Greatly enjoyed. Keep an open ear or the hearing aid on.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 

      3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      Yr hubby is even cuter than the jokes, looking for spares in the close t

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Favored,

      If you find one let me know! Haha. I image it's always good to have a spare.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Tamirogers,

      Thank you. I really loved all of them too. The job was eliminated with the recent round of budget cuts. Hopefully it will come back before too long.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Travmaj,

      I think that is such a travesty. We shouldn't have to wait till we are retired to enjoy creativity, but often that is exactly what happens... if it ever happens. You should have seen some of the people laughing out loud at the thought that they hadn't been painting since kindergarten... and they felt their skill level was about the same too.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Cam8510,

      So glad you were amused.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Rachel,

      So glad you have some good memories. I too hope I have a good sense of humor as I get older. I love to laugh.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Frank,

      So glad you enjoyed it.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Thanks Kevin,

      I appreciate it.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise McGill 

      3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Say Yes,

      Thanks so much for that. I agree. These cute little lines around my eyes should be signs of wisdom and wealth but instead they are something I want to hide and cover up.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • favored profile image

      Fay Favored 

      3 years ago from USA

      So wonderful to be around people that bring joy through humor. You always do such wonderful things to make people feel special. I love that about you. Appreciate this article so much. Thanks Denise for making me smile today. P.S. I'll be on the look out for "closet spares."

    • Tamirogers profile image

      Tami Rogers 

      3 years ago from Seattle, Washington

      This is hilarious!! I LOVE it! I actually write for a blog ocassionally about seniors, and I love to focus on humor and fun..my dad recently passed away but lived in senior housing his last few years and I met such great characters! Good for you teaching oil painting..they must love you..great hub voting up!

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 

      3 years ago from australia

      This was so much fun to read and I love the humour - I also note the empathy you have with the Seniors. How special your work with Betty was and I can imagine her delight and pride when her painting became a reality. My friends father started painting in his eighties, he was a true artist and painted pictures for all his family and friends. Guess you never know what talent lies undiscovered - often time doesn't allow creativeness until retirement.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      3 years ago from Flagstaff, AZ

      Very funny stories here. Thanks for brightening my day.

    • Rachel L Alba profile image

      Rachel L Alba 

      3 years ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

      Hi Denise, This is a really cute and funny hub about the elderly, which I am becoming quickly. lol I hope I can have a sense of humor that some of the seniors have in your stories. My mother died in her early 70's but I cleaned house for her older sister who lived into her 90's and she had some funny stories and a lot of experiences. My daughter took care of another aunt who was also in her 90's and she has a lot of stories from Aunt Mae. Thank you for this hub. It made remember some of my elderly aunts and uncles. Blessings to you.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      3 years ago from Shelton

      LOL, my God this was such a fun page.. loved it

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 

      3 years ago

      This Hub about the senior jokes was funny, beautiful and oh so true. We have to take them seriously and listen closer to what they say. Not just ignore every word and push them to a corner. I voted it up, shared and pinned it.

      Kevin

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 

      3 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      I REALLY love the joke about the man changing his will three times!

      I work as a caregiver. Once I had a job working in a rehab clinic with stroke patients. One of the women said, "We're here because we're not all there". LOL!

      People need to realize they can get sick and handicapped, and die at any age. You don't have to be old for that. On the other hand, just because you're old doesn't mean you have to be that way. A counselor told me one reason for ageism is because past a certain age, the life you lived begins to show. People reach their endurance peak at 40; if someone is burned out at that age, it's too embarrassing to admit it's their fault, so they blame it on "being old". There's also a saying that if a woman isn't beautiful at 20, it's God's fault, but if she isn't beautiful at 40, it's her fault. The facial lines you get show how you lived.

      Asians have long greatly revered old age, associating it with wisdom. I once had a Korean roommate who asked me why old people in America are poor, since they had a lifetime to save money. In Korea, elderly people are usually wealthy. I was only 18 at the time, and had never thought about that before. I'm 54 now, and though I'm still not wealthy, her comment gave me a lot to think about!

      Thanks for writing this hub!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)