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Lean in to Love

Updated on July 13, 2017
HealthbyMartha profile image

I'm a Certified Health Coach who wants to help you create the best balance of spiritual, physical and mental health that is possible.

Letting Love In

Many of us find ourselves at times feeling as though we don't have enough love in our lives. I admit, I'm one of those people who has felt this way at various times in my life.

There are many reasons why somebody might feel that they are unloved, or perhaps under loved. Maybe you live alone and have a life that is so busy that you don't find the time to make room for a loving relationship.

Perhaps you find that you are giving a lot of love to family members or friends, but some how aren't feeling that you are receiving the same amount of love in return.

There is often a problem of simply not being capable of feeling the love that is very much present. There may actually be an abundance of love and opportunities to experience it, that you for some reason are blocking. It may be unconscious; in fact, it likely is an unconscious defense mechanism at work that is blocking some of the love overtures that you might otherwise be experiencing.

If that sounds like it could fit your situation, then this article is for you! I think that it is very common that people can find themselves feeling alone and without enough love in their lives, without realizing the role they themselves may be playing in keeping the love from finding them.

Are you tired of feeling like you aren't loved enough? Or perhaps at all? If so, read along with me as we dig deeper to uncover some of the possible reasons that you could be blocking love from being fully expressed and experienced in your life.

There is hope, as long as you are breathing and willing to think a bit outside of the box. Are you ready to open your mind and heart and let some good love flow in?


Breaking Down the Walls of Fear that Block Love

Nobody likes to admit it, but most of us are very afraid of rejection and being hurt. It can prevent some people from every finding love at all, being so very afraid of being left or rejected.

Does this sound familiar to you? Have you found yourself alone and not sure why? Perhaps fear is holding you back?

And I'm not talking only about romantic love! No, I'm talking about any love from any source, be it your parents, children or friends. In order to feel love, we must make ourselves vulnerable; this is something that many people simply cannot or will not do. But, to fully avail yourself of the healing power and energy of Love, you must become vulnerable. It is the only way. We all start out being completely vulnerable and dependent on another for our very survival. We remain dependent for many years of our lives. No wonder that a toddler can be such a handful to contend with as they learn some independence and exert the will to be themselves! But, the toddler is still quite capable of allowing love in and remaining vulnerable to it at least some of the time.

The challenges come as we get older and develop more autonomy. We fall in love and we aren't loved in return. Or perhaps things just don't flow as we had hoped; one of us loves the other more, or differently. I don't need to explain all the myriad ways in which love can leave us broken hearted instead of uplifted. We all experience heartbreak and disappointment around this area.

But, to not fully experience love is to be less than fully able to take in the bounty that is ours to be had! The emotion and behavior of love is one of the biggest blessings we can experience in our lifetime and it is our inherent right to give and to receive love.

Love truly can change a life! It can heal, it can make one strong. It can literally move mountains. What about a woman who is just a normal person, but when a car falls on her infant, she is possessed with a super human strength that enables her to lift the car and free her child. This is an example of love being so strong as to effect a miraculous flow of adrenalin to allow the person to have the strength to save the life of their child!

Have you ever been in a room with a lot of people who are sharing an experience that is loving and felt the energy expand? It can be like a thousand hugs coming at you to be enveloped in the energy of a group feeling and expressing love. Think a church gathering where all voices are lifted in unison; or a group in prayer; think the healing touch of a person to one who is ill, or sad. Love itself expands! It rises and flows and fills the nooks and crannies of our soul.

To deny oneself love is like refusing to drink water when you are in the desert and it's 100 degrees! Why resist this pull that is so healing, and so transformative?

Fear, my friends is the biggest enemy to love! We fear not being loved in return; or not being loved as well as we love. We fear rejection or the end to love.

Fear is the enemy that would keep us alone and kid us into thinking that we are better off because we will not be hurt.

There is an old saying that "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". Do you agree? I think many people are living in the reality that it's better to never love than to lose love! Does this sound like you?

If so, let's work together to shift your thinking so that you might be able to lean a bit further into love. Wouldn't you like to feel the wonderful power of love beaming at you? Again, I'm not talking only about romantic love, but any love from any source! Maybe we can take baby steps to letting love in? Start out with a pet, or with a grandchild, or niece or nephew.

Let's examine ways in which you might make yourself more vulnerable so as to embrace the love that is your birthright!

Affirmations and Visualization

I'll admit that I've been feeling deficient in love probably most of my life. I could go on in detail about all the reasons this is so, but that is not the point of my article. However, it's important to note that I too struggle with this process and thus I know that it is difficult.

But, I've learned that by not allowing love into my life, I've done myself a grave disservice. Having recently been studying about the science of the mind, I've learned that Love is a very powerful force and has a strong vibrational energy.

One of the first steps to loving and receiving love is to start with an animal, or a pet. It can be much easier to invest oneself in giving love to a pet than with a person. It is not lost energy and in fact can lead one to feeling a bit more comfortable in moving forward in love with another person.

One thing that can work very well is practicing Affirmations. Many people are using positive affirmations as a way of changing their thought patterns. Louise Hay is one of the most famous people who has used Affirmations for a long time. Dr Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks are others who have daily affirmations. But, you can write your own! You can work on a statement that allows you to break down the barriers to love and allow you to start letting more love in.

For instance you could say something like "I am lovable and I attract loving people to my life". Or if you find yourself very afraid of anything to do with love you could say something like "I allow love into my life and trust it's healing nature". The trick is to repeat the affirmation multiple times a day for many days until it starts to feel true. You can practice looking in your eyes by doing mirror work with the affirmation and will gain ground even faster.

It's not easy work, but it is valuable and it does work! Write the affirmation on a sticky note and place it where you will see it many times a day; in front of your computer screen; your bathroom mirror, or your refrigerator door.

Another option is to meditate on love. If you are already a person who uses the tool of meditation, you can think about love and do some visualization as you meditate. If you aren't a meditator, you can simply practice Visualization.

To do a Visualization you think of yourself already experiencing what you would like to experience as though it has already happened. This is a very effective process! See yourself in a situation of giving and receiving love and practice feeling comfortable. Deep and slow respirations and relaxing while thinking can help you incorporate love without it feeling scary.

You can journal about what it is you might like. Writing out our deepest wishes and dreams has a powerful effect. Studies have shown that when we write out a goal, we have as much as a 40% higher chance of achieving it, than when we don't write it out!

The point is that if you want more love in your life, it may only be YOU who has to change. Perhaps there is abundant love all around you and it is you who must shift to allow it to flow in?

Let Love In

I want to share all of this with you because I am only now learning that much of the time I've felt "love less" has been due to my own behavior! All the love in the world will do no good if it is not allowed to flow in and be received.

I have learned that it is not nearly as easy as I thought to be vulnerable and let myself be loved. But, as I've slowly let down my guard and allowed myself to let go of control a bit, I'm receiving more love than I have in many years. And it is so wonderful that I want everybody to get in on this!

We could all be basking and glowing in a veritable love fest if only we would get out of the way and let it in! I hope that you will practice along with me in being vulnerable and leaning in to love.

Try it and see if you don't feel better by even taking in a compliment, or a smile from somebody else. Maybe you'll find it easier to give some love and in so doing, it will help you to then receive it in return.

Whatever you do, know that Love really does heal and it really does have the power to change lives and make them more worth living. If I can learn this, then I know you can too.

I hope that you'll practice and let a bit more love into your life day by day. You will surely reap the benefits.


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      Martha Montour 10 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you dear Jody! Yes, self love comes first, just like putting on your oxygen mask first! Then we can truly love another.

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      Jody Lee 10 months ago

      It was beautiful and well written. I think that we must also learn how to love ourselves. Not an easy thing. Thank you again