Learning the lesson of not saying No
Learning a life lesson of not saying no
Oh my goodness ,where should I begin? I have recently been given a huge life lesson by not saying no to someone.
Let me start at the begining . I have known this woman Ellen for about 6 years now. She used to work as a legal secretary at a Law firm I worked with from time to time too. She had been a regular client.
Since losing her job over 3 years ago,she has kept in touch from time to time. She has been living on unemployment,till that ran out. Then she was living with this other woman who just got married last year so she needed to move. She then moved into a place with this supposed friend from her church and it turned out to be a nightmare. The woman she moved in with had 2 birds, 3 cats and 2 dogs. So Ellen would be sitting and reading and the cat would jump on her head and while they were eating the cats would jump on the table for food. It was all very uncomfortable and strange for her but she had no money and it was cheap so she stayed there. Then just last week she couldn't take it and she started yelling at the birds and the animals and so loudly that a neighbor called the owner and she was kicked out. She called me crying that she needed a place to stay just for a week before she was going to fly home to her sisters. Her church put her up for 2 nights at a hotel but she just needed a place to stay for the rest of the time. Later on I wondered why nobody from her church would put her up, I soon found out why.
So here is my big mistake. I was feeling all happy and in a good mood so I told her sure you can stay with me just for a week. What ensued was an emotional nightmare. Every night she would call crying that she was lost and couldn't find my apartment complex. I had given her easy instructions. I don't know what her problem was but I was patient and told her how to get to my place. Then while she was inside she was like this whirly dervish of anger and swearing. Every other word was a swear word F**** this and that. I said what's wrong? she said oh nothing just leave me alone. My stomach began to tighten and I began to cringe. Oh my gosh ,what had I gotten myself into? I went back to my room and just closed the door and got ready for bed . I curled up under the covers and shut the lights out. I didn't know what I was going to do. I know I felt very uncomfortable but I also know that I was doing a good thing helping someone out of a bad situation. I thought it can't be that bad just for a week.
I was so very wrong. It escalated when I just asked the simple question of what she liked to eat. All she could say was " I don't know" well if you don't know how the heck am I supposed to know? I was at the grocery store using the phone and she couldn't answer a simple question so I just said I'd get my groceries and if she thought of anything to let me know.
When she got home to calm her nerves I thought she may like a glass of wine and she just snorted "NO" anything I offered the answer was a resounding NO. But what she did drink was milk and cherry Pepsi. I thought to myself you can't have a glass of wine but you can have milk and cherry Pepsi???How insane is that? And I bought what she told me were her favorite cookies but instead she ate her cinnamon graham crackers before dinner,mind you. I made chicken breast and rice and green beans but that was too much for her. How can one piece of chicken and a cup of rice be too much? It wasn't like a whole chicken.
Now on the points of timing and being considerate. She never let me know when she was getting in and would always be furious that I wasn't there when she was. I constantly told her to call me and let me know when she would be at the gate of my place so I could buzz her in, but sadly she never did. That was her problem not mine. My big huge problem was in saying yes to her in the first place.
Sunday morning I got up really early to try and have a relaxing bubble bath before anyone woke. I was running the water and putting in the lavender bubble bath and then I went to the other room to get a towel and she was standing in the dark hallway and scared the you know what out of me. I said what ??? She said in a whinny voice, I changed my mind and want to go to early morning church service can I take a shower first? She could clearly hear that I had already started a bath as my little apartment is only 825 square feet. I was so ticked off that she would even have the audacity to ask me that . But I said don't you see that I am running my bath now? can't you just wait? She said, please I'll be really quick. I just gave in and said fine and went back to bed extremely pissed off. I stayed in my room till she left. I could hear her clanging and banging things about and swearing, in the kitchen, like a child with a temper tantrum but I didn't buy into her game. I just waited till her emotional tornado left.
Finally I could relax and light candles and enjoy a nice bubble bath in peace and quiet. She stayed out most of Sunday and I was gone most of Monday and she worked Tuesday at a temp job and Wednesday I was gone most of the day and Thursday I just told her to get all her luggage etc... packed and ready to go into her car. All except for what she needed in the morning to go to the airport.
I so look forward to my freedom tomorrow morning. I can finally have my place back and I will never allow her to stay with me ever again. I was made hostage to her insane mood swings and strange dietary habits. I have really learned the life lesson of saying NO. Hopefully tomorrow things will go off without a hitch . Someone else is taking her to the airport and then she's gone. Yeah!!!
Hopefully all of you have the common sense of saying no in the first place and not allowing anyone to invade and take over your life, even for a short time. The word No is a very powerful thing when used properly. I definitely should have done so in this situation.