Life; When Depression Falls in Love with Anxiety
When Misery Met Birth
It would appear that as some would say we are born into sin, so too are we subjected to influence that for the lack of better definition strays just out of reach for us to control. No matter the privilege of birth whether into wealth or poverty, our mind and all the chemical reactions within it will always stray from what others may seem should be cerebral being of a person. We are after all individuals. Myself, birth was a launching pad for now twenty-six years of turbulent, beautiful, terrifying confusion and corrupted self-reflection underlined with love that I've for now two decades have found it oh so difficult to recognized for even being aware of one's short comings doesn't always mean it is possible to abruptly alter a state of mind that has defined for so many years
When Death Killed Life
Death; Nothing structures the path of self-deception better than the death of someone that had such impact in your life that their departure of Earth caused a major alteration to one's view of life and worst faith, not necessarily region as more so faith in tomorrow; for myself I've encountered over ten of these overwhelmingly devastating blows to my mental cognitive state.
I would have to admit that my ability to isolate myself in a crowded room is of outstanding level. When a mother, father, child, really anyone of personal value leaves you, it is natural to feel abandoned, left alone with no real understanding of why, even if that person had been a victim of terminal factors that had lingered, one can never be prepared, mostly because most of us live in the denial of death, that like birth it is a certainty of life. Personally even after my mother, father, cousin, grandmother and a few friends had passed away, I still was caught off guard, blindsided when my close friend Hunter died in an automobile accident and again a new layer of grief peppered over any recovery I had made of the prior noted losses.
A year later I've still yet regained the altitude to again witness the horizon, but I will and so will you for we are humans, and as we've done since times passed, we will survive, recover and attempt to understand the un-understandable. True salvation and peace lies in the acceptance of death, if one accepts it then there is no longer anything to fear and too the passing of those around you becomes, to a degree, a little easier. The key, though possibly of cliché nature, is to never forget those that have passed but to as well not ignore the living and those to yet be birthed into this world. Memories are a powerful thing and the stories that accompany them priceless, that's how you keep someone alive that has long since parted, passing down those memories of your father, your mother to your children and them to their children; a tombstone may fade and erode in time, but love passed down generation to generation even by those no longer breathing can never die.
The Ditch of Life
Depression; The words that can used to describe this state of mind is undaunting and whether most people are aware or not everyone succumbs to this at some point, though clinical in many cases, I'd have to say that if one could say they have never been anchored down by depression then as well they are not of human decent for it is as natural emotion as is love and happiness. The only relevant aspect of difference is both the time one finds themselves in this state as well as the severity.
Never be ashamed of the weights that have brought you down, remember that everyone handles life different, these events instead define who you are, remember that out of pure pressure a diamond is forged so never give up your aspiration to again see the light of life. As would be evident I have encountered many times this very turbulent and to all honesty frightening path in my own life. Fear not the emotion of irrelevance in the world and the seemingly impossible trek to ascend from the shadows, for today may die but tomorrow is ever present; if you fail this hour the next is mere seconds away.
Breathe, even when you feel you haven't a breath left; you never know who is watching your struggles for too they may be struggling and through your determination you could inspire another to survive; be a role model for others who have collapsed to gravity; it is what we pass on, our lessons, successes, our failures, that we pass down to our children, our friends our family. We are all family you know, humans, the only true thing that has made us physically and emotionally different is geography.
An Anxious Mind
Anxiety; our time on Earth seems to be a race, but why, society has sped up time frames are traceable from the day we're born to the day we depart. The sad reality is we spend all our lives competing and running against others when it turns out in our final hours that the race had been with one's self because when your time ends you go it alone, your path beyond your breath, though unknown, is an adventure reserved for one even if there be a life after you vacated earth as a solo traveler.
Slow down, take a moment to notice the trees that offer you oxygen, the sun that offers you heat and light, your family and friends that offer you companionship on your coarse through life. Anxiety and depression are tangled in a love affair because everyone is trying to live up to an image created by media and commercial driven societies; the fear of woman that they haven't the correct hip or bust and men that they do not mirror the acceptable muscular and financial physique that other desire. Do not focus on what you haven't, that will surly drive you mad and engulf you into an insecure place of hell, focus instead on the individual, unique beauty that has parted you from every other person on this globe. Attaining self pride may seem impossible, but it all starts with falling in love with the mirrored image before you.
Anxiety can only defeat you if you allow the social status-quo to triumph self worth. Finding love, attending college, getting married, having children, deciding on a career, a major, a plan comes when you as an individual are ready not when a graph, statistic, social pressures as a whole tell you to; you are not a statistic, you are a human.
A Final Thought
Life is a lucid dream under constant redirection with every new choice we make, whether right or wrong, the effects usually are too spread out to really understand our full reflection, so we continue as a people to grasp at the fabric of reality to maintain a since of tomorrow even as today dies into the embers of dusk. To truly live one must accept death and our grand journey to it, for you see, no matter how privileged or underprivileged your life, we all re-merge onto the same path in our final hours; vulnerable and frightened we prepare to arrive at the very destination we have for so long been traveling, so if every decade can be measured in years, every year in days, every day in hours, every hour in minutes then doesn't that mean that every second must count?
So fear not the reaper, fear instead a life in which you were too scared to live when in fact you were already bare to the world, you never had anything to lose, society taught you the value of material when your heart should be illuminating the princeliness of life. Dream.