Life for one!
“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.” ~Paul Tillich~
Being alone can be intimidating. It can be a scary situation. It can be intense, and daunting. It is painful at times, and it hurts when we see almost everything in life geared for couples. Geared for more than one person. Life was not meant to be lived alone. But on the other hand, I think that we can prepare it and relish it, enjoy it and express the glory of it. You are probably asking the question to yourself, the same as I do every day, “What do I do with all this time on my hands?, Why do I have to be the fifth wheel at parties?, Why does no one understand!?”
I found myself alone at the age of 52. Basically for the first time in my life, don’t get me wrong, I have been a single mother for years, and I have been in and out of relationships in the past, divorced, and all the labels that should have went with a lady who lived alone with her children. And two of them still live with me, grown but yet still live with me, but now I am alone. My husband passed away a few months ago, and now I am coming to the realization I am alone, and how do I get past that. How do I go from the pains of being alone to the glory of solitude?
I had to leave the big house him and I lived in and move back to the smaller one I had previously. The one I had before we moved in together. And I decided this time I was going to make this house all mine! I was going to gear it to being alone, with the knowledge that one day the grown kids were going to move out, and I would be all alone. But I was going to make it mine, all mine, with thoughts of being alone, and trying to savor that, learn to live it, and maybe even one day like it!
So this time I painted the bedroom the color I wanted! And I was going to put one nightstand up, only one. This time no matching nightstands, nor matching lamps. I could choose the nightstand of my choice, and the lamp, the perfect setting, scooting the bed almost to the wall, with just enough for me to get on the other side when I made it, but not enough room for a nightstand. Put a TV in your bedroom, you can watch your favorite programs in bed, bringing in your favorite snacks, and you can even eat potato chips, or crackers in bed! No one to complain about crumbs now! Put a DVD player, and you can watch whatever kind of movies you prefer. You don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion because now you get to pick!
Put all your favorite books next to your nightstand and pile them up high. Make sure you place a lamp on your nightstand to read by, and now read to your hearts desire. Make it your personal space, with you in mind! No one else, but yourself!
Indulge! There are wonderful products out there geared for one person. When you go to the grocery store, you can find many single-person items. As you go down the isles look at all the specials that are geared for a single person. Individuals gourmet dinners in the freezer section, in the bakery section, you can find rolls, muffins, doughnuts; I buy the fresh baked rolls that come two to a bag. You can buy half a carton of eggs; buy a pint of milk instead of an entire gallon.
When you are preparing your meals, spoil yourself. Set your table with your best china, your sparkling crystal, your beautiful silver, and your pretty linens. Do you not skimp on yourself you are worth it! Light the candles! Those wonderful gourmet dinners, those frozen dinners, cook them in your microwave, and put them on your best china, and you can convince yourself that you are eating some of the best fare in the world!
"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet." ~Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1825~
Spoil yourself! When someone asks what would you like for a gift for the Holidays, birthdays, whatever, tell him or her you want something special for yourself. Something that you wouldn’t buy for yourself, and something that you can do by yourself. Ask for a gift certificate to have a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, something to spoil yourself, gift card to your favorite bookstore, a video store, and restaurant of your choice.
The list can be endless of all the things you like to do. They even make these cute teapots for one now. You can brew your favored tea, a cup of hot chocolate in these. They make wonderful gifts. Crock-pots come in a smaller size to accommodate single people. Ask for a gift basket of all your special bath items.
When venturing out into that great big world on your own, try new things. Buy yourself something that you would not normally wear. Be adventurous! Go into a thrift store and find something that makes you feel daring, bold! You don’t have to spend much money to try new things. Do your hair a different way! Saunter into a restaurant and order dinner for one! Take a book while you eat, and pretend as if the world is your kingdom! Go out and have tea for one, and order fattening sweets! Learn a new hobby, something you have always wanted to try! Take a class at your local college!
Buy yourself flowers!
You can do it! If I can do it, you can do it too!
Join forums, join social networks, and have fun! Find new friends online, and bring them into your world. There are many lonely people out there, and many are looking for someone to talk to, and the best part of online, is it is worldwide, and there is always someone to talk to! And when done, you can shut off your computer! You can chat in your pajamas, you can chat in your bedroom! And you can meet some awesome, wonderful people.
And when others, friends, family, well meaning people try to set you up in a social situation, you know what I mean, where you are the fifth wheel, engage! Have fun! Never show them that you are that fifth wheel, never let them see your nerves are twitching and you wonder whatever shall you talk about! Flirt a little! Laugh! Don’t spend your time worrying about being the single one, the lonely heart. Be yourself, and just simply enjoy. Even if you have to put in the back of your mind that it won’t last forever. Don’t show it! And if someone sets you up on a date, which just might happen, make it for something light, coffee, or a drink. Don’t set yourself up to spend an entire evening with a seven-course meal plus dessert!
Keep it simple!
We can learn to do this I know we can!
Live life as one! Love life as one! Dance as no one is watching!
”When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” ~Francois de Rochefoucauld~
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