Life’s Biggest Fears and the Bad Advice to go Along with It: Who Will I Marry?
What The Future Holds
Nothing can give us more fear than the uncertainty the future holds. It’s the mere fact that all the choices we make now can and will somehow affect our future that makes us feel sick with anxiety. But sometimes when we are confronted with tough situations in life, the ones closest to us give us a bit of advice. But when we really look into it, some of the advice they give us is downright awful. Although, they come with good intentions, the truth is our future has a lot more chances of going wrong than chances of going right. Here are some of the biggest uncertainties of life along with the terrible advice that comes with it.
Who Will I Marry?
Many of us do not realize the fact that the person we will marry is walking this earth. At this very moment they are problem having a cup of coffee, taking a jog, or maybe reading this same article as you. So we go out and we try to find this person. We find people we share interests with and we start relationships with them.
Relationships are a crazy thing because when you start dating someone, you are accepting the fact that you will either break up or get married. And that is why so many people fear commitment. It is recommended we use caution when committing to someone. But even the most careful of people will suffer a break up. And in those moments we feel hopeless and lost, like we are never going to find the “right one”. And here comes your good ol’ best friend, or your loving parent to tell you some of their advice:
“You will find the right one”
“That one special person is out there”
Now I do not doubt the fact that there is someone, or even multiple people, out there that share the same interests as you and would make the perfect companion, but what I do doubt is the likelihood of you stumbling upon this person. The person you will marry will most likely have things that just drive you insane and crawl under your skin, but you learn to cope with it because you love them. Although the person you end up marrying may not be your exact match, you learn to grow with them and learn to build in aspects they lack.
By now there is probably a fair group of you reading this saying “well I found my perfect match; my spouse and I are soul mates.” Well, I commend you and your spouse for the successful marriage, but truth is according to the National Vital Statistics Systems, over 50% of marriages end in divorce, with the probability going up every time you divorce and remarry. So your chances of staying happily married are the same as you flipping a coin. This isn’t so comforting but it is the reality.
So next time your friend goes through a break up, avoid the “finding your soul mate” seminar and focus on what they could learn from their experience. At the end of the day, it is all trial and error.
But what about some good advice for ourselves? Don’t look for perfection; stop looking for the perfect person because you won’t find it. Understand that anyone you date will have flaws and bad habits, but so do you! Learn to accept your significant other’s flaws (do not try and change them, because you are only setting yourself up for failure). Analyze yourself to find out what are characteristics you cannot handle and traits you feel are necessary for your companion to have and write it down. Each person is different but some of these include: Must be trust-worthy, cannot be lazy, must be hard working, cannot be disrespectful. Be honest with yourself and do not get carried away by the details. “She has to like my same kind of music” and “He has to like my same kind of movies” do not qualify.
If you and your companion have different hobbies, share them. Take turns doing what you enjoy. Nothing brings more satisfaction than seeing your spouse try to playing your favorite sport, or watch your favorite movie. But you will also have to return the favor, and even though you may not like their hobbies, sharing moments like this will help build a strong relationship.
So stop looking for the “right one” and make the “right one” out of whoever makes you happy. This isn’t about finding flawless perfection, but of finding perfection in our flaws.
And stayed tune for the continuation of this article with Life’s Biggest Fears and the Bad Advice to go Along with It: Choosing your career.