Life's Journey: Healing is Possible ~~Find Your Way Back
Wrap Yourself in the Joy of Loved Ones
Whenever a gentle wind blows, it reminds me of my Momma...her gentle, kind way kissed our souls each time we were in her midst just as the gentle wind does.
Hoping this will help you if you are facing a holiday, birthday, or anniversary without someone you love. Even when death comes when we knew it was certain, it still sometimes takes time to find our way back from the loss.
One thing we know for sure is that our precious friend or family member would not want us to be consumed with grief.
They would want us to think of them fondly and embrace each new day.
Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels.... Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.— Sai Baba
The new day offers a promise that it will be better this day...
Making sense out of it all...
Just a few short months ago, death crept in and stole a wondrous life from our family, my sister's only son.
And as we know life does come to an end for all of us at some time. It is just when it comes suddenly that we find it difficult to accept.
And we were saddened and asked many questions when he died.
While we could have remained in despair and sadness at the untimely death of someone we loved so much, our alternatives to that have brought us full circle.
We have celebrated his life and openly shared our sadness and our joy.
And in doing so we have left behind the grief and sadness and found each other again.
Overcoming grief, I realize, will be accomplished in the manner that brings you through the pain.
This is the path our family has chosen to help us make this journey.
The very first important step that was taken was for a memorial video to be made that was a tribute to his memory.
Photographs highlighting moments of his life gave us another look at his precious face.
Musical selections that captured the essence of his life surrounded us and brought us calm in a way that only music can do.
The songs that were included in the video were especially poignant and meaningful. The memorial video continues to be a source of comfort to us these many months later and I know will remain so in the future.
A little bench in the Memorial Garden for our loved one...
Steps to recovery
On Facebook, a page was dedicated to him. It is a ‘by invitation only’ page where friends and family can post thoughts whenever they wish. It has been a very comforting page and has given us a way to let go of our sadness and find joy in the new days that always follow sorrow.
- Many of us Skype, message, and text each other that did not do so before his death.
Looking for a way to make sense of his death, we have found that we treasure each other more.
And those silly things that may have been a reason why we did not reach out to a family member seem so trivial.
One really lovely part of this is that I have found some family members that I knew were family members but I did not know them. Now we correspond often.
Special pillowcases, one for my sister, one for me
Another way to recover for some of us has been to immerse ourselves in some activity.
Something to do that provides an escape from the questions and the sadness that wants to, still, come in and steal a part of a day. And we all know that the moments are too precious to be lost that way.
My sister, the Mother of the child who left the party too soon, was overcome with sadness at his death as she had just moved to Florida to live with him because he wanted her nearby.
But because she is who she is, she refused to get lost in the sadness. O, she allowed herself to grieve and still does, but she does not wallow in the sorrow and the pain.
What she has done to recover in part besides her human contacts is to sew. I call her a little sew ‘n sew…She has been sewing pillowcases for everyone in the family for Christmas gifts this year.
She told me a few days ago that I can look at the pillow cases she sent me and find the flaws in the earlier ones that she made because she was crying when she was making those. The later ones are not so covered with tears.
Photographs of a few of them have been shared.
Music Serves as a Bridge to Calm.
Make Time to Get Lost in Nature
Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.— Joy N. Harris
Take time to grieve
What I have done to grieve is to write about my feelings and thoughts.It has allowed me to express my deepest feelings.
By sharing my feelings my intent has been to give hope to those who are going through the grief process.
To know that others do know how you feel, to know that others understand what you are going through gives you permission to feel and experience and endure.
There is also the knowledge that even though time really does not heal all pain it does allow us to distance ourselves from the most acute pain somewhat.
And if we are very fortunate we are able to remember only the beauty of the life that left us too soon and tuck away the sadness in a place where it can stay until we need to unleash it.
Because there will be times when a song, a photograph, a place, a memory, a scent...something will trigger those feelings that cause tears to flow....and that is okay.
The point is to allow yourself to grieve when there is a death.
Allow yourself time to grieve.
Allow the tears to flow …and they will.
Forgive yourself if it takes a while.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.— Washington Irving
Coming to terms with it...
And understand that some will want you "to get over it and move on".
But remember this is about YOUR recovery. It is about your grief and you have to do what works for YOU.
We come onto this planet with no directions on how to live our lives.
We muddle through living our lives the best we can.
Surround yourself with those who will lift you up and carry you over the difficult parts of your journey.
But know that you will need to come to terms with the loss. You will need to find a way to live with it in your life because it will be in your life from the time it happens.
However the death of a loved one does not need to define you. It can become a defining moment for your life though.
It can be that moment in time when you realize that life is indeed fragile and ever-so-transitory and should be relished on a daily basis which includes loving and showing love and affection for those who walk this walk with us.
Hopefully it will happen for you long before the death of someone precious to you though….
A Place to Meditate...
Someone Who Is Comfortable in Silence with You
Sometimes just having another person beside you or with you in the same space is as comforting as having someone with whom to chat.
Find someone with whom you can share long moments of silence. It can be very cleansing and healing.
Finding someone as you grieve...
My sister and I have been in daily contact since the death of her son, my nephew, who I adored since his birth.
She and I have always been close but we are even closer now.
We have cried together, questioned together, celebrated together and we are healing together.
How you grieve is personal but if you have someone who truly feels your pain to walk with you through the most difficult time, healing will be much less frightening.
It is frightening because feeling the overwhelming sense of loss especially when the death is sudden shakes you to your core. Wondering how you will carry on may leave you breathless and filled with angst.
Sharing fear and pain and anger with someone else who truly knows how you feel is the gateway to healing.
Why would anyone write about healing from the death of a loved one at Thanksgiving and Christmas time for goodness sake?
No one wants to think about that during these celebratory times.
If you have will have an extra place at your table this year that is missing someone you love, you know why I wrote this and am publishing.
Because as you enter this time you will surely miss that special person. And knowing that others have been through the hell you are experiencing and have come out on the other side...changed, renewed, ready to face new challenges with new courage and conviction is empowering.
What does it mean 'to heal'?
One of my sisters died in January just after we had celebrated Christmas in 1952. Even though I was tiny then I still remember that Christmas. My Momma and Daddy handled her death in such a way as to keep the fear of it from me. But no one told me that I would miss her forever. And truthfully I am glad they did not.
Healing does not mean forgetting.
It means that the memory of that precious soul is now in your heart, is now a part of you, offering you solace on those days when you need it most.