Living with a BPD husband
I will start today as Day 1 of my blogging experience. A little bit of history. I am married to a borderline personality male. He was diagnosed a year and a half ago but only got into therapy a month ago. Not because he wasn't willing to go to therapy but because he had to wait that long to get into therapy. So needless to say the last year and half has been an emotional roller coaster full of ups and downs, more downs than ups. In fact now that I look back on our 12 years of marriage this diagnosis is really starting to make sense. It explains a lot of his behaviour that I couldn't quite understand. So now that I am trying to make sense of it, gathering information, talking to others who have it or are living with someone who does have it, I am hoping that I will be able to cope with it a little easier. So this blog will be all about my life with my BPD husband. I welcome any and all comments or suggestions or advise.
About 6 months ago I realised just how difficult living with my BPD mate can be. I found that he had been sending emails to another woman who he had met on facebook. The emails were very inappropriate, sexual, and shocking for me to read. They weren't hidden, in fact they were sitting very nicely in his inbox awaiting for me to find them on his facebook profile. And for those of you thinking in violated his privacy, he had asked me to go onto his facebook profile to do something in one of the facebook games that he was playing. So there it was in his inbox, all of her messages to him and his messages to her. Needless to say I was extremely hurt, confused, mad. When I confronted him about it all I got was a " I'm not worthy of being your husband, or being a father. I am not meant to be on this earth." Self pity more or less and that is when I started a little research on the BPD individual. It isn't uncommon for the BPD to have brief, turbulunt love affairs. They get a sort of instant relief from it. Although it is part of the personality disorder it is absolutely not accepted by me. So after a few weeks of not talking to him, trying to decide if I should stay with this man or leave him, I decided to stay and try to work things out. Of course he begged me not to leave at first, crying telling me how much he loved me and that he was stupid and he didn't know why he does the things he does and so on and so on and so on. Since then it has been an on and off again roller coaster of emotions. Just a month ago he said he didn't THINK he loved me anymore but that he would think about it and get back to me. "What the fu## is that" Then he decides two days later that he loves me so much he can't live without me. And I am supposed to be gratefull for this exclamation.
So three days ago I find out that he started chatting to this girl again that he was emailing 6 months ago and we start the dance all over again. He says He's trying to push me away because he is a burden on me and that my life would be so much better without him. I tell him this is the last straw and he has to make the decision to either be in the marriage or out of it. That I am trying to understand it, to deal with it and be supportive but that he can not treat me like I don't matter or that my feelings don't matter. I give him a day to think about it. He tells me yesterday he has decided to be in the marriage and no more bullshit. No more emailing other woman or online affairs and that he is going to work at his problem and get better. Of course this is what I want to hear but now I have a wall up. I believe in the sactity of marriage and that we should try to work through things so that is what I am doing. But how long do I put up with it before I say enough is enough. Anyone have any stories to share or advice to give?